Unmask Yourself to Improve your Life and Business with Josh Cary | Hidden Entrepreneur

Unmask Yourself to Improve your Life and Business with Josh Cary | Hidden Entrepreneur

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i took some time and realized that from the minute i wake up and how i wake up to the minute i go to sleep and how i go to sleep and everything in between there are dozens of small medium and large patterns and habits that i'm doing that are either helping or not helping so i said you know what got to do it now is the time scary as anything but i said i got my children here that's my that's my motivation right now i want to be the best person for them and see what happens welcome back to the outsourcing scaling show my guest today is Josh Cary josh how you doing today i am so good Nathan this is an absolute treat thank you for the invite yeah no problem this should be a very interesting interview for those of you that that don't know josh spent over 40 years in hiding that's right he was hiding every aspect of himself and showing up with a mask on in all areas of his life trying to gain the approval of everyone else at 19 he actually changed his name and entered into what would become a 15-year career as a professional actor and filmmaker the applause and external accolades didn't completely heal his feelings of anxiety and insecurities and he found himself even more isolated than ever today josh is a podcast host business coach to entrepreneurs who are ready willing and able to say f that noise and show up once and for all as a person they know they are capable of being i know you have a very interesting story and we're going to talk all about that but first let's take a gigantic step back what were you like as a kid growing up were you a rebel were you a straight a student i know you didn't always think that you want to be an entrepreneur but did you even have that entrepreneurial itch at all no i was none of those things i was not a rebel i was um a a lonely scared kid that couldn't understand why nobody was giving me the time of day so i slapped on that label and said all right i guess nobody wants me around and i'm not capable so again i chose to wear that label and once we identify with something as a person what do we do we go out into the world and we seek the people and experiences that will validate just that so consciously or not typically not uh we go out and that's what i did and i found all the people that were very willing to validate my own story that i'm not capable nobody wants me around so that's what i did for many years and uh my entrepreneurial itch came um i remember young in uh in like grade school my mom used to work for a gum company and she would go to the supermarkets and have to restock some of the shelves and in that she would take some of the uh expired gum home and i said oh expired gum i will sell that to my friends and that's what i did how did that work out it worked out uh 25 cents for a pack of tools was not a bad deal i'm sure the fda would uh you know have something else to say about selling expired gum but you know i guess it worked out in the moment i love it can you tell a little bit more about your story i mean obviously it's not the typical story that we hear um from people that we interview on the podcast i'd love for you to dive a little bit deeper yeah of course i'm i'm that's what i'm here for so um because i had that label on that you know i'm not capable nobody wants me around i showed up in every situation with that tone with that vibe and you receive what you put out so i would go into all sorts of life into social into personal relationships my goodness i'm only barely trying to you know figure it out and get it right today but those were always a mess all kinds of business scenarios as an adult as a young adult trying to make ends meet in my own businesses always hitting a wall and uh always finding this just this struggle that ah why why can't i make things work i was out there you know hiding all of my power that's why today i am the hidden entrepreneur spent the 40 plus years in hiding uh all of my power all of my ability knowing full well this is where the internal struggle and conflict came that uh i would be out into the world hiding all of my power and ability seeking the approval of everybody else just wanted people to like me at all costs and didn't want to rock the boat didn't want to feel superior quote unquote to anybody else didn't want to make anybody feel less than you know i always had to play small and play second fiddle so that's what i did uh and just always showed up in that regard but the irony is that i would then go home and know full well what i was capable of know that you know i could do what they're doing i could probably do what they're doing much better than they are but i didn't i was scared out of my mind so i would hide behind fear use that as the excuse to do something or not do something and that created a lot of tension a lot of struggle internally and then what do you do with those emotions that you don't know how to handle you mask them in various forms of addiction and habits and patterns that just don't serve you and after 40 plus years i was ready to uh make uh make a different move and how does that work i mean did you did you literally just flip the switch and the next day going forward or is it a long transition did you have habits that you made sure that you committed yourself to yeah so uh it's it's a it's a long steady process right uh it's never really about ripping the band-aid off maybe at some point you make the decision right you make the choice which is the big lipo moment at some time at some point you have to make the choice you have to make the decision that okay this isn't how i want my life to go anymore and leading up to that moment um there were you know there were some efforts that i was like you know i i want to be better and you know i i i want to show up more as me and really put my best foot forward but i really wasn't ready i was doing the preliminary work you know reading the books and trying to meditate and trying to just get my my my act together there but it didn't really have me shift until i found myself today i've got two adoring children a six-year-old daughter a four-year-old son give shout outs to often as possible because they were the ones that were my my inspiration my mirror at the time right even early on in their young lives i realized oh i see what's happening here guys okay i'm the child in this circle so because of that realization i said you know i always wanted to be a father growing up and uh now given the chance uh i'm not gonna ruin this i'm not gonna have these two kids watch their father desperate needy insecure seeking approval as all they know and then that's that's how they see me and that's who they become i said absolutely not now the line is drawn i have to i have to step up and that's when i said i get it you guys are this incredible mirror and you guys are everything that i wish i ever could have been you're you know confident playful magnificent kind loving adoring everything you're putting into the world i'm gonna go over here i'm gonna do my work so i took some time and realized that from the minute i wake up and how i wake up to the minute i go to sleep and how i go to sleep and everything in between there are dozens of small medium and large patterns and habits that i'm doing that are either helping or not helping so i said you know what got to do it now is the time scary as anything but i said i got my children here that's my that's my motivation right now i want to be the best person for them and see what happens my biggest fear was that all these people that were in my world that i attracted by wearing that label i said you know what though what happens if these people retaliate you know imagine if i take a step to the right they don't like that they're gonna have something to say about that am i strong enough to you know stand up for myself i never was but i said you know what i just got an inch inch over inch by inch strengthen myself surround myself with even one person that i could get behind or could get behind me so if something happens i can lean on them a little bit so it's all about slow and steady progress that's all it is and i just replaced a bunch of negative habits and patterns slowly but surely one at a time seeing the win feeling good about it observing the result seeing the world not collapsing around me quite the opposite and uh here we are today i get to have great conversations with people like you can you give me give us an example of how maybe an interaction went with a client with someone in the outside world before and then after sure so i attracted all the negativity that i feared that's what we do when you go out and you're either consciously or subconsciously assuming something's going to happen that's what happened i spent a great deal of time in the digital marketing space running my own agency and every day was just you know i would wake up and there'd be a pit in my stomach because i knew that yeah i'm feeding a family i'm making ends meet i'm paying the bills but i knew that i was capable of so much more but i wasn't able to you know get over that because i couldn't tweak my business i learned until i tweak myself so as much as i show up that's what i'm attracting i'm not in the right head space i'm not in the right physical space here so i would be met with all this client resistance and aggravation and frustration and all of that constantly and there would there would literally be uh smear campaigns against me trying to tarnish my reputation like a lot and i'm like what what is going on here i'm i'm a good person i have wonderful intentions i'm nice i'm generous i'm doing the best i can and yet i'm still being met with this resistance with this outcome like something is terribly off here so there were moments like that and how does that translate into hiring and managing people because i feel like a lot of entrepreneurs they struggle with that too they they care a lot what the people that work for them or work with them think it could be an outside vendor it could be an internal employee in their office could be a va in the philippines and that impacts their decision making the impacts how they talk to people people actually end up respecting them less over time because of that can you talk a little bit about that yeah so um i've had a uh a small handful of in-house in-person hires uh one i had a um you know a for lack of a better word an assistant who was my right hand and uh i had uh found her locally and there was a great you know uh match here but then all of my shortcomings and insecurities come into play because i wasn't strong enough i wasn't secure enough to really uh manage her and train her and teach her so imagine that all of these insecurities that come up in every part of my world prior are now still i'm the one paying her yet i couldn't bring myself to really correct or you know be a boss my goodness you know that's just that's just how atrocious it is so all these things would happen and i was like i i just can't deal with this and then what winds up happening is the tension the friction all of this stuff that eventually leads to a terrible falling out and i had to let her go because there was just all this stuff and i was like oh it's not working she's not good it's not happening it my my numbers aren't growing she's not getting it but that's all me you know that's all on me that wasn't on her but that's where it goes when you're in this just unhealthy space yeah to totally get it any hiring tips or advice that you have especially for someone that that might be struggling with that or just on that day-to-day side on how to interact with people that you're working with yeah uh you for me i had to get myself right in order to just interact with people and be the best uh be the best colleague be the best peer be the best boss that i could be so you really need to start there by examining your your shortcomings your needs and get them met first do that work first so when you do hire it is as legit and authentic as it could be that's the only way around it i had to get myself in a clear head in a confident space in a legitimate space personally so that i can show up properly in the business world let's talk about coaching i know you work with a lot of different entrepreneurs and we talked a little bit about being able to or i guess being more self-aware and understanding and not caring what people think outside of that where do you see entrepreneurs struggling the most we care so much about what people think and that paralyzes us and we don't make any move so i see so many people who want to do things and they'll either say oh i don't know what i want to do but a little probe probing and prodding they know exactly what they want to do it's all just fear-based because they're scared with how they're going to look what people are going to say what it's going to mean can they do it so they need this this helping hand right this quote unquote permission that isn't permission at all it's just getting out of your own way like in my story i knew from day one what i was capable of doing but i put on all these fronts all these masks to allow myself to play it safe and that's what i feel is happening whenever i work with someone they know exactly what they're capable of doing they're genius like we all are you're brilliant just get out of your own way so figure out what that noise in your head is really about and figure out why you keep perpetuating this false story and belief i sold myself a story as truth for many years that was was all lies but that's how i that's how i showed up that's what i needed to do until i learned it and got it differently so in the entrepreneurial space uh we care a great deal of what people are gonna say or what they're not gonna say and that just keeps us not moving forward what daily habits do you do to keep that noise out oh i thought you'd never ask well i love this because i see my day-to-day as if i'm in recovery right and in many ways i am from a lot of negative habits and patterns and when you're in any sort of recovery it's a daily thing right you don't just do it for a day a week a month or a year and then say got it i'm done i'm just going to move on and now i can live happily ever after it's something you have to live with and attribute constantly but here's the thing i love it's not a chore i love my daily habits and patterns that are by the way always evolving so here's the thing when somebody says let's take a good example an easy example i want to lose 50 pounds what do they typically do they they restructure their whole day their whole thinking their whole process and say i'm gonna go to the gym five days a week i'm gonna eat three meals of salad every day i'm gonna chug two gallons of water i'm going to get 10 hours of sleep and we know how that winds up you don't have to do that and that's not what i did to get here and that's not what i'm doing in where i go from here so what i do is i like i said i looked at all honestly what small medium and large patterns and habits was i doing that were either serving or not serving and i replaced one at a time so for example i started observing the people that i love and i i respect and admire uh people uh in in my world and in books and on tv and whatnot and i noticed that there was one thing among many that just kept coming up they all seem to get up early right the most successful they always say well i get up early i'm like okay well i don't really get up early enough but i could afford to get up a little earlier so today i get up at six which i think is good i know that there's a whole 5 a.m club out there maybe i'll uh i'll consider that in the future but six to me is perfect but i didn't start from you know i get up at eight now i'm going to get up at 6. get up at eight now maybe this week i'm gonna get up at 7 45 right go do that for a week and guess what that's a win observe how good you feel because you said something and you committed and you followed through and then say you know what now i'm gonna get up at 7 30 or 7 o'clock whatever it is so my habits and patterns rely today i deliberately get up early right you've heard it i own my morning i have two small children and i don't want to get up when they're getting up so i make sure that i have at least an hour or so my morning is deliberate i get up a certain time without the snooze button that's another habit that changed simple right don't snooze you read about it it's it's it's more effective and more productive i get up early i hydrate with some lemon water and sea salt right so just these like little specific things and i'm like ah somebody i respect said that this might work let me try it i do that then i exercise i run two miles on my treadmill and then i come up i make coffee i eat a like breakfast like i i never check email i never i i never scroll social because these are just the habits and patterns that i want to observe that i feel good about so there's a lot of things in that regard that i just do i test for myself and if they make me feel good my best then i continue to do them and then i observe honestly what is really getting in my way here like i'm doing this is that the best i can do it and we go from there i love it josh this has been great where can people find out more about you and what are you most excited about for the rest of the year oh what a great question um my website is really the hub for all my stuff joshcary.com it's got my podcast episodes you can watch all kinds of videos you can read more about me you can click over to any social platform where you enjoy hanging out and we can socialize from there and what's interesting is that i found myself see i i love being a podcast host as well um and in the course of a year uh i i've put out over um 115 episodes now to date and i realized that wow this is where i can really double down uh i've interviewed um many people who just complimented my style after the show and said you know what i've been on a lot of shows before and this was like the best interview ever so after hearing a similar feedback i thought well let me see what i'm actually doing what am i actually bringing to the table right self-awareness is always key see what's working and not working how people are reacting and not reacting and responding uh so i figured that you know what i love this whole medium i want to help others uh perfect it so i'm getting ready to shoot content for uh two courses that complement each other best interview ever and best guest ever how to uh um perfect your interview style and how to show up as the best guest you can and uh that's gonna take a lot of my time love it thanks so much for coming on josh have a great rest of the day this has been brilliant thank you nathan you

2021-01-10 08:51

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