The Kapil Sharma Show New Season - EP 181 - 22nd Aug 2021 - Full Episode

The Kapil Sharma Show New Season - EP 181 - 22nd Aug 2021 - Full Episode

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Good evening and welcome to our show. Archana, have you ever travelled in a flight? Many flights. - Ones you paid for? I am not speaking of the ones funded by producers. I say this as those people who buy their own ticket they wish to enjoy it to their fullest.

If he has paid Rs. 10,000, he'll eat a free meal worth Rs. 1500 and stares at the hostess for as long as he can. He follows the hostess as she passes around.

He would even walk with her. If it is an international flight.. Poor folk like me do not feel jet lag. It is something the rich face. Getting tired in two hours.

You know the flight was on runway for about 15 minutes. Poor people get mad if flight lasts only two hours. I could barely get any sleep. Trains are far better.

A journey of 17 hours for only Rs. 350! Try that! Frequent flyers like you have good confidence. They know all the tunes. They know with eyes closed they can remove the seat belt. Trotting their way to the restroom.

The hostess asks them to wait. Is someone inside? Sir, you can use the other washroom? No, I can manage. And he keeps balancing himself to manage the pressure. Poor man doesn't get up due to lack of confidence.

They will get up only when the flight is about to land. If he gets up the hostess asks him to sit down. And there he sits. One feels that it is usual and they can do some other time.

Oh God! First time flyers using the washroom first time gets scared right then and there. Here the vacuum flush in there. He gets worried if he has caused a malfunction.

The tap has a sensor. The water is turned off after ten seconds Dinesh was with me, he tried to turn the tap off, came to me. He says we must get down as the plane will sink. People in business class have it better and close. Ones from the back are scared as very one faces front side. One may move ahead.

On your way back you see a crowd facing you. And you know when I see a crowd the showman in me comes out. Good evening! Welcome to the private show! Take an international flight And you will know by scent where people are from. Smell some snacks? That is the Gujrati people for you. Smell some 'Parathas'. You have the Punjabi folk. They pack their own meal.

Hostess is walking around with stale sandwiches. Pondering over the futility while people brought their food. And the first time traveller feels great joy in calling the hostess.

Finally a woman that listens to him, right? Yes, sir. What can I do for you? If only we can start a family.. And many simple folk do not know how to address her and one old man asked to another about the 'nurse' in the flight? The other says it is not a nurse but a conductor! And these cheap airlines.. The hostess there would be kind to you before take-off.

Greeting gently and asking for the boarding pass. Guiding you to your seats. Once the flight takes off they know you cannot leave they mock you at landing. Put the seat back up. Wash your face. I speak of a plane as there will be a movie 'Bellbottom'.

Based on plane high jack and the rescue. So let us welcome their star cast. First let us welcome someone who works all year! The busiest person! Our favourite, my brother, superstar Akshay Kumar! Wow! Akshay.. - Wow! Akshay.. - Wow! Wow! - Okay! Sir, welcome! A big round of applause for Mr. Akshay!

Greetings! - Greetings! This man can't bow down properly! He doesn't go beyond the knees. Last time, he didn't even bend that much. Now, he has reached the knees. Come here.. - Not everyone has a swimming pool like you do.

Some people have a slipped disc, sir. Do you have a slipped disc? I do too. You.. - I had a slipped disc before you were even born. Yours is forgotten. After all, you know the government.

You are jealous of everything! - Jealous! Even if I work more.. He introduced me like that too. Yes. - What did he say? I could hear him back there. He said you worked 600 days.. - Come here.. Why are you there? Come here.

Yes. Now, speak. He is so obedient. They said to wear masks. He covered himself entirely. - Entirely! The set has become green with his arrival. He looks like an organic star. If you squeeze his sweatshirt and drink its juice you won't get Corona.

Did you see his wedding dress? It was similar. Yes. - He didn't make fun of it then. I saw it. - I didn't get it tailored. Then? - I wore it for an act.

Ask the channel. - Which act? - On this show. What happened then? - I asked the channel if I could keep it. They agreed. Is that how you got it? Ms. Archana had.. Oh! Don't blame me for that. - No.. Your haircut is amazing.

Is that so? - It's great. You are looking very nice. She didn't get it styled. It was stuck in a fan. Is that so? - Shut up! Oh! After Mr. Akshay did the promotion for 'Laxmii'

Corona happened. So, the government and 'Sony TV' knew that the film won't be released. As Mr. Akshay's films were not released, they sent us home too.

Later, when they came to know that he shot a couple of films they brought us back. - Yes. I have observed this. We are not working for 'Sony'.

It seems that we are working for you. After all, you work the most. - Indeed.. So, only I work. Don't lie. No. - Didn't you work a lot during the lockdown?

No, our show was not airing. - Don't argue with me. Who had two kids? Two kids in one and a half years! Couldn't you have passed your time differently? I am a poor and honest man. I can only pass my time with my wife. - Then? Now, don't make me reveal things.

No.. - I will reveal all your secrets. Then not only this show.. - Sir, I love you! Don't forget this. Seriously, we need to learn it from Mr. Akshay. You want to learn it but you fail to do it.

Because it's practically impossible. - Right. Well sir, like the title of your film is 'Bellbottom'.. It's your code name. Right? - Yes.

So, the man who is working under you.. What would be the title for him? 'Boxer'? Ms. Archana, if he was my subordinate.. I would have definitely called him 'Boxer'. Very good. Kapil 'Boxer' Sharma.

My father was a wrestler. Boxers are not bad. - Right. Not at all. Sir, you know that Ms. Archana used to wear bellbottom. What! - Yes. When she used to go out wearing the bellbottom.. You know the little puppies gather near your feet..

She used to grab them with the bottom part of the pant and take them home. She collected 12 Labradors. Now he has chained them together and made a chariot. Oh God! She and her husband sits on the chariot and take a evening tour on Madh Island facing the sea. Ms. Archana, do you know.. - Yes. Mr. Akshay is very sweet, generally.

But sometimes he says mean things. I tweeted after the trailer was released. Let me show you. There I wrote so sweetly..

'Sir, beautiful trailer. Congratulations.' 'Best wishes to the whole team.' - But do you know when he tweeted? The whole industry tweeted on the day when the trailer got released. But he tweeted on the next day. That was film industry. but we are television industry.

'As soon as you got to know that I'm coming on your show' 'you gave me best wishes on the day before.' Sir, I have just one request to you. Along with that you could have written in the brackets.. 'I am just kidding.'

People make different types of news from that. Show them how someone has made a news out of it. 'Mr. Akshay Kumar is angry on Kapil Sharma.'

Mr. Akshay Kumar. - I don't know Marathi. I didn't understand properly. It means that Akshay Kumar is angry on me. - Yes. But friends, that's not the case.. To the media people.

Please don't do such things. Anyways, enjoy. Let me tell our audience that 'Bellbottom' has released.

It's a patriotic film. And it's an amazing film. Superb! There's a dialogue in the film. 'There's only one man who could do this.' Right? Everyone is already aware of him. That man will save the people who are stuck in Iraq.

That man will go to Mars. That man will make people quit smoking. That man will also come as 'Padman'. That same man will interview the prime minister. I have a feeling that you definitely know God. You forgot.

I played the role of Lord Krishna in the film 'Oh My God!'. I heard that you are making a sequel to that film. I will make all the films. I want to work a lot. - Work a lot.

I want to come on your show time and again. I love you, sir! - I.. I want to come here and humiliate you.

It's okay. I'm making money with a little insult. - Yes. Ask me about that. Sir, people don't let me live peacefully. They want me to ask you different questions. You see Panday, the drummer.. Sitting at the back there. Yes. - He said that the name of your film 'De Dana Dan'

was kept like that because you knew that you will make a lot of money. People say such things. - Panday said that? Yes. He said that to me.

But if we consider that logic then.. I acted in a film called 'Garam Masala'. I must have received lots of spices then. Another film is called 'Baby'. People must have left their babies then.

Another film is there called 'Aankhen'. People must have left their eyes there. First of all, get Panday out of this show. He just can't get out. He is there since the last season. He is stuck between the drums.

You hear that sound of kick.. 'Dhiss'.. He doesn't kick with his leg. He does it with his belly. We will ask for a crane and get you out of there. I've been thinking.. You've driver motorcycles

helicopters, planes rockets and even road rollers in your films.. What are you going to drive next? I've been taking your show forward.. That's true.

And your OTT team.. You're going on an OTT service, aren't you? - Yes.. Congratulations to you.. - Thank you.. The entire team isn't, only I am. You're going by yourself? - Yes.

That's just amazing! I'll tell you about a speciality of his. He goes somewhere all by himself at first. Then Chandu will quietly follow him. Then Dinesh..

And then the entire Punjab. Then they'll bring a judge from Madh Island. And slowly and gradually everyone will get involved. Then they'll make a TV show.

He's in a mood to thrash me. He doesn't see how much I love him. - Okay.. Even though there are two actresses in the film.. - Okay..

I called him first. Don't get too excited. Those girls knows that you've got kids.

Don't worry. Human, welcome to the show! Thank you very much! - It's amazing to have you! That entry was amazing! "Huma.." You're quite tall already, you don't need to wear heels.

I like to.. - It's a style.. - It's a style! It's all right. You wouldn't know about that.

You're like female Akshay Kumar! You called me 'brother' once! You ruined my image with that! You are my brother, though. As you can see, Vitamin C has arrived on the show. Come.. - Let's sit..

Let's sit on the sofa. Huma and Vaani you two look beautiful! Thank you. When Vaani came.. We're all in a habit of hugging people for greeting but Vaani refused saying because of covid.

It was such an amazing time. Kareena Kapoor had taught me to only touch cheek as greeting. 'Oh, hi..' Right? - I recently learned it.

Right after I learned it, she contacted corona. She told me not to even shake hands with anyone. To wear mask and stay away from people. My job's like this. The last episode was with Mr. Nawaz. It's not as if you only contact it from girls.

You've got a rotten luck. - Yes. When I go to get vaccinated the doctor told me to stay under observation for 30 minutes that I'll be allowed to go in 15 minutes. That I'm fine since I'm not dizzy. When girls like Vaani and Huma go the doctor says them to stay there since it's just a matter of 45 days to the next vaccine.

Luckily, you're not a doctor or this is what will happen. He'd make us stay there. I forgot something! Huma, congratulations. - Okay. You've done a great job in 'Maharani'. Thank you.. Thank you.

She so beautifully captured the accent.. She was Bihar's CM.. Also.. When I started watching it I watched all the episodes. - Thank you.

Yet, you call me brother. - I won't today. One day is enough for me. Akshay, I want to ask you something. There aren't romantic scenes in films these days. They're not doing it because of corona.

There are. - No, there are not. There might, if the story demands them and even that with statutory warning. Okay.. - Yes, a rule was passed.

In case of kissing scenes, it says 'this kissing scene has been done under' 'the supervision of kissing professionals.' 'Utmost caution was taken in filming this.' 'Lips of both the characters were sanitised.' Oh, God! - 'RT PCR report was taken 72 hours ago.' 'This scene is with the consent of both the parties.' 'There was no compulsive force involved.'

'The aim of this scene is to entertain and not' 'to offend any person, of any class.' Keep clapping.. Let's not let him talk. 'Chandu..' Thank you.. Wow.. - 'Bell Bottom's entire team is here.

Sir.. Poor guy.. Sir..

The entire team of 'Bell Bottom' is here. Sir congratulations from me. You're wearing a pyjama to meet 'Bell Bottom' team! What is this nonsense! Hey, Kappu Sharma famous stars are here. Introduce me to him.

Akshay knows who you are. They don't want to. I'll just introduce him to you. He's.. He's Chandu. Okay. - It's a cute name.

Cute.. He has failed 9th grade too. Don't you see jealousy in him? He's been looking jealous ever since he started doing comedy. Sir.. - He can't tolerate anything good about others. He just said that you're my friend. Now he says that I'm jealous of you. He could've also said that I passed 8th grade.

But he said that I failed 9th grade. All right, fine! It's not as if I'm hosting this show! Huma and Vaani.. The thing is.. Come closer.. - I.. I passed 8th grade.. - Sit here. I'm asking him to sit.. - Sit down..

Not there, sit between them.. - Come.. Come on.. Don't make him sit between you.

Your film's price might drop. - Sit down and have.. Where's the photographer? Here you go! Take it. Sir.. Take it.

Their expressions were as if he's their only brother and they both love him. He didn't suit between them. His dress.. - Take the banana.

He.. What happened is I partied too hard for passing 8th grade. I partied for an entire year. As you know, when your face is chocolaty you get a friend circle. Sir.. - Will you thrash him or should I?

Say positive things about me at some point! Forget about 9th grade, he failed the KG! And while his aunt was the principal. I failed because my aunt and mom were fighting. Husband and wife also fight, and still he was born. He lies, sir. I've opened a humble shop there. I'm it's founder.

He is, there's no doubt about that. If someone's underwear is lost in locality you'll find it beneath his pants. Oh, God! I'm an orphan, yet I wear an underwear and I still have to hear him mock me. Listen to me. I don't focus on clothes. My vision is beyond that.

I only focus on business. Like Mark Shutterberg. Who? - Mark Shutterberg! Who is that now? Guy who owns Facebook.

He's Zuckerberg. - Whatever! Has he bothered about clothes ever? He wore what he got his hands on. You can see where he has ended up. Where? Tell me where he lives. He's not on the show. Inaugurate my shop by cutting the ribbon for abundance.

When will you pay me? Who will pay me? - That's love. - Just say you will buy me groceries every month. That goes without saying. Tie the ribbon. - Nothing. He won't see any abundance. He never get anywhere even in a snakes and ladders game. How will I ever get anywhere? He's the snake on the 99.

Akshay can't inaugurate just any shop. What do you mean by that? Why character assassinate my shop? Lack of good conduct? Tell me. Have the groceries in my shop been orphaned? Huma, I dreamt of your buying groceries from my shop. Okay. - If you can fulfil that dream then I'll be so happy. How dare you dream of Huma? Here's the pen drive.

Download all that I can dare to dream of. How can channel dictate terms on my dreams? Akshay, we both are from Punjab. Now he'll ask for free blankets. - Only if it was winters. I thought I'll ask for an umbrella for now.

It's rainy season, right? Actually, when you come he is under pressure and hence he got the season wrong. Lick your dry lips now. Aren't you ashamed? - Why? One has to work endlessly for things. You just have to beg for it and you get it atonce. Even you must be feeling like begging.

But you don't have G-U-T-S. What? - He would have asked for the spelling anyway. Akshay, I have such goods at my store if you disagree you can refuse to inaugurate.

Look at the stuff. What do you have? - Akshaytritiya rice. What? - Akshaytritiya rice.

They only need 3 whistles in the pressure cooker. I even have Akshay wheat. What is so special about it? - It becomes a dough with water. That's how a normal flour works too. Do you want it to wake up turn into a dough, roll itself and sit on the oven. Ready to cook itself. Is that it?

Nothing special about flour. That's how they are. Vaani if you ever intend to do charity. Then you may marry me a little.

God... A little? How can you think of it? Don't you see where you stand? I am here and she is there. Have you seen how pretty she is? So, she won't find anyone soon. Kapil... - Right. People make adjustments in marriages you may adjust with this face. - You are good-looking.

You look much better than me. - No... How can I... - I am not worthy of you. - That's kind because he does look into the mirror. Face apart... What? - Face apart? What kind of a guy do you like? Clever! Leave now. I am okay with this. You may discuss it.

I am waiting outside with a wedding procession. Okay, bye! - Bye. - Bye! Welcome, Jacky! Congratulations. - You look fit. I have gained weight. I suffered a back-injury sometime back.

I was in gym.. - Someone said that you're on see-food diet. She? - Only see. - You eat everything you see. That's how we Punjabis are. Only Akshay is not like that.

If we go to gym for two days we need 6 samosas the next day. Sir would wake us up 5:00 a.m. during shoot. We travelled on our bikes to the set for 30 minutes.

How come rich people like you have no car? - Then... That's the case with everyone working with Akshay. I've known he doesn't even sleep. They come and praise Akshay. There's a lot to learn from him.

Then getting ready... They fear for their lives. You woke up early too. - I never slept. I wanted to ask. When do you wake up, Akshay? Around 4:00 a.m. - Wow!

We can't do it. We don't feel like waking up at 10:00 a.m. too. But for people for whom time is money. They lose crores.

Helps them stay motivated. Too bad! - You gave a negative twist to this good habit. It's a good habit. - Why not run and not make Parmeet run? God... - Two characters of hers have become viral this lockdown. She makes her husband run saying they have nothing to do during lockdown.

She stands there with camera and makes Parmeet run. You'll see that her husband has gone thing. Her maid... Her videos... - That's outstanding. Her followers increased to 1 million. - Bhagyashree.

She told a Chyawanprash guy that she would charge 1500 per post. I would like to say about Jacky and his dad, Vashu... His sister, Honey...

If you remember the pandemic started last year everything was locked down. London had eased the lockdown. I remember asking Vashu if he will shoot for a story we finalised. You won't believe that within 3 months he arranged everything. - Wow... And our film, Bell-Bottom.

It was the world's first film to start during lockdown. Wow... - I mean We were shooting with him during the pandemic.

We finished the film in 2 months in Scotland. We wrapped up. - Superb. That was a big victory and three cheers for him and his father.

And his sister. It so happened we didn't leave home during the lockdown I got a group call from Akshay and dad. I was tidying up my hair... They said we are shooting. I asked how. They said we are leaving.

They have decided in 30 seconds that we are leaving. Wow... - Wow. - That's how it started. That's how the rick talk.

What's the budget? 150 crores. Done! Asked Jacky to bring 150 crores from the backyard. We even bargain to buy okra. That's the difference.

You all are on social media... You put up a lot of posts. You get comments in thousands from fans. Some are funny. You have no time to read. We have shortlisted a few for you. - Why? Please have a look.

Akshay writes when you know the double your money in 25 days scheme. A man wants his 200 as 400 later. What to say? - Take 400 and leave twitter. Show me more. Which producer did you rob? That's not how it works.

You look like a yellow and black taxi. The yellow suitcase in the hand. There are more. If you are Akshay Kumar, wish my wife a happy birthday.

She is your fan. She calls me Akshay and loves me. Awesome. We have more pictures. There's a post of Huma where she wrote.. 'That moment in another dimension when just walking..'

'Open a slot machine and slips right out.' What does that mean, Huma? It's a dialogue of my film 'Army of the Dead'. Okay. - Where I say..

It's in English.. I go into a casino.. I crack a slot machine and I steal the money. That's my dialogue. - Okay. So.. - Okay. That's not the case in this film. I can't steal here.

So, this is just a fun behind the scene picture. Look at the comment. - What is it? 'What do I tell you, Aunt! The girl is nice.' 'She just plays gambling sometimes.'

Just see how creative people are. - Loved! Loved it. - There's one more. 'Can you survive the lockdown with this much money?' I..

'Mr. Sonu Sood has helped a lot.' 'You also send five thousand from the money you won.' Oh! Wow! Now Vaani's picture. 'My over rested face.' 'You uncle Mr. Annu Kapoor is also talented.' They write anything. Wise people. - Didn't get you.

'You are sad because you are missing me.' 'Ramesh Shukla Jamshedpur.' Is this you? Me? Hey! This is live. These picture.. 'You are getting weak, dear. Drink buffalo milk.'

So mean! Jackky has written.. 'Always looking at the brighter side of life.' 'Sir, don't you have perfect six-pack abs' 'that you are showing your back?' 'Hiding the problem won't solve it.' 'Speaking about the problem will solve it.'

Oh! - Oh! This is Huma's picture. 'Me and the super talented..' 'Stunt Batman'. - 'Stunt Batman.'

This is one.. - Zombie.. 'What happened to Mr. Rahul Roy?' 'What happened to Mr. Rahul Roy? - What happened to Rahul Roy?' Such creative people. Show us some more.

'Give that person a shower Maybe it's a man.' Oh! 'Add onions, garlic and mustard to mustard oil' 'and apply it on your hair.' Maybe his hair will get cured.

Oh God! 'Don't post such pictures. My baby got scared.' 'Playing dress up. - Playing dress up.' 'Madam, how much for the chilly?' Because of this.. The feathers.

Because there were feathers and all that they are calling it spicy. 'I am the only son of my father.' 'And..' 'I have two..' 'Two buffalos. - Buffalos.' 'Five bighas of land. - Five bighas of land.

'Well of sweet water. And well of sweet water.' Why there's a reference to buffalo on all the pictures? 'I just want someone who can bring food for me' 'in the fields. Answer me fast. I am losing signal.' He proposed you. - He proposed you. Say yes. Better than his.. - This one.. Chandu's - Chandu's. 'Dressed like the man in black for the lady in black.'

'Nice ghagra-choli.' Oh God! 'Are you going to fly or just walk?' Oh dear! Such creative people! They are very witty and funny. - Very creative. Wow! Very entertaining.

Greetings, Akshay. Congratulations to the entire team of 'Bell Bottom'. Sir, he.. - He's really.. He lives nearby.

He's a great struggler. He sometimes claim to be a singer, an actor or dancer.. I've seen him before in that film, 'Ready'.

Are you that guy? - Yes, sir. Salman gave me that chance. I've come because I want you to give me one now. Of course.. I liked your game in that. - Thank you very much.

It's just your love. I'm a huge fan of yours. Only for you, I watch all films of Bollywood. Why? - Because his is the first scene in all films. He comes on bicycle and tells not to smoke.

Sir.. Madh Island's queen! Huma, your acting in 'Maharani'.. You looked cute and beautiful in it. You were amazing! - Thank you.. You look so good in all your roles.. - Don't flirt with her. What happened? - Have you seen Huma's hand? I haven't. I'll look at it now.

If you'll let me. Have you looked at it now? - It's beautiful. Like this? - A photograph..

I'll take selfie. I want to show my wife what sort of hands beautiful girls have. She's got huge hands! She slaps me here, I get a print here.

Here.. Now Billo will know. Have some shame, sir. Why? - You're a married man.

If your wife finds out.. - How will she find out? She ran away with the neighbour. Hey..

That's too bad.. No one speak against my wife. I love my wife. It's not her fault.

She liked the neighbour and messaged him during nights.. She made gestures at him. God know what hooligan got in his head he took her away. I hate humanity now! I've lost my faith.

Really.. - What are you saying? What will the guests think of you? They'll at least think of me! Not even my parents thought of me! I'm not lying. Huma, I'm one of those unplanned children.

Unplanned.. It's the truth! It is. He's in the world but he doesn't do anything.

No, I.. I'm here for work. Jackky I'm your fan.. Can I sit here for a while? - Okay. I don't want to be told that I've taken your place. Wow..

I don't.. Well.. Can anyone put money in the films that you produce? Yes. - Place put my Rs. 30 in it. It'd be great if you do. Well.. Please.. Please. Don't refuse.

I won't. - I've.. - Uncle! Don't.. - Rs. 30.. What? - Don't be stupid. How will Rs. 30 help? I won't say anything! I'm not going to restrict you. Do whatever you want.

Okay? Sir, thank you so much for the encouragement and the opportunity. Thank you so much. Thank you, Ms. Archana. Love you.. Love you.

He is so funny. - All right, audience.. If you get an opportunity to be hijacked with a person of your choice, who would it be? Yes, ma'am. Hello, sir. - Hello. What is your name? - Shivani. - Go ahead, Shivani. Sir, actually, I would like to be hijacked with Mr. Shah Rukh Khan. - Oh! What is the reason? Sir, it has been my fantasy since childhood.

I really like him. 'Kuch Kuch Hota Hain' was the first film that my parents showed me. I have been crazy about Shah Rukh Khan ever since. Okay. - And I have told my parents that I will only marry someone like him. Are you in college? - Yes.

You will be all right in a few years. Have you ever met him? No, that is why I came to Mumbai. At least.. Really? - I can see him once. You can definitely have such ambitions. I had an ambition to meet Deepika. I know even my condition will become like yours.

She said that her condition will become like yours. This producer Jakie can help you meet Shahrukh. Mr. Akshay, Mr. Jakie, please help me. Let's talk to him over phone. Let's see if I'm able to contact him.

Really? Let's see. Give me my phone. - Please try. 'The number you are trying to reach' 'is switched off.' - Switched off. 'Please try again later.' - Try the other number.

The other number. Do you think that Shahrukh works at a PCO? Switched off. What do I do? - Is there no other number? I've one more old number. Sir, please call his wife. Ms. Gowri will blame you.

Ms. Gowri will say that you are ruining her husband's character. Thank you for trying. That's so sweet of you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming, Shivani. - Yes, sir. Thank you. - Anyone else. Yes, sir.

Hello everybody. - Greetings. - Hi. You restarted your show for your millions of fans. Thank you, sir. - Thank you, sir. Sir, I want to get hijacked with my sister-in-law.

Courageous. - You are very courageous. Is your wife also with you? - Yes, sir. You said that in your wife's presence! That's because all my three sister-in-laws live in another country. All right. - And I keep travelling from Borivali to Bandra. You didn't tell me which sister-in-law it is that you would like to get hijacked with.

Anyone. Anyone! They are in Barcelona, Tokyo, and Paris. Really? But what is your reason? I want to go abroad with them. - Okay. You should buy the tickets and take your wife.

That is not as enjoyable as getting kidnapped. If you talk like this in front of your wife she might pull out your remaining hair. Ma'am, please tell us. Is he joking? Or is he just like me? Hello, sir. - Hello, ma'am. How are you?

I am fine. - Are you not upset with what your husband said? His sisters-in-law won't be willing even if he wants to get hijacked. - That's right. That is true. Although, she is smiling now she might bite you while you are asleep. All right, thank you.

Thank you.. - Thank you for coming here. Is there anyone else? Yes. Hello, Mr. Kapil. Hello, Mr. Akshay.

Hello, Mr. Jackky. - Hello. I would like to be hijacked along with Mr. Kapil. Oh my God! - Oh! I have wrote a book on Mr. Kapil. Is that you? - Yes, sir. Welcome, sir. - It took me four years to do the research for the book.

I read all the articles and watched all the shows. I watched all the interviews as well. - Wow! I would get to know him personally if I hijack him. That is why I want to do it. Thank you, sir. I want to give you the book.

He wrote a book about me. Imagine how much free time he has. This book will inspire everyone.

He is an inspiring personality. - Thank you. I cannot believe this. I have never read a book with 140 pages. And you wrote one about me, in 150 pages. Thank you, sir. Thank you so much. - I will definitely read it.

And thank you so much for your love. God bless you. Hello, Mr. Akshay. Wow! Oh! How are you? I'm great. Hello.

Hi, Vani. There is space for more. Oh, my God! One more huge round of applause. I got afraid when I heard the claps as I didn't see so many audience since last one year. The show just restarted and today we have Mr. Akshay as our guest. I have a doubt, Mr. Akshay.

Is this show produced by Salman or Akshay. Only the owner of the show comes so often. Just a second. My phone is in vibration mode.

Hello. Yes, mine is just a ten minute skit. I'll leave soon.

Keep the vehicle ready. No, I'll go directly to the stage. Ok.. Bye. The call was from another channel. Sir, I can't stick just to one show.

I want to work in several shows. I just go with the flow. I work for those who offer me more money. Mr. Akshay, well, this is our second episode. She is sitting there since last seven months. Really, sir. I came here often and checked too.

During the break one person came and told her to get up as he wants to close the gate. She said, 'No.' 'You are pretending to shut down this show' 'just to fire me, right?' Covid is just a excuse. She didn't move from there. Some people told me that she was seen in the temple of the film city too.

She was ringing the bells wearing a white sari. Vishwambhar my Kapil Sharma will come. Vishwambhar Vishwambhar, my Kapil Sharma will come before December. We will start drinking milk tea again. She had gone to even the Sony office in anger.

She told Mr. Danish that even her height is good. So, if he gets her a beard and moustache even she can act for the KBC promo. Sir, but let me ask you something.

From where do you get such girls? Why are you asking that? They have been sitting like this since a long time without getting tired. See, I can't do that. See, I lose the balance. So beautiful they are.

When someone visits their house they ask, 'Would you like some tea or coffee?' If you come to my house I'll ask like this, Do you want tea? I've noticed something in Mumbai. When food gets stuck in the teeth people hide their face and clean like this with a tooth pick. If you come to my house I use my finger to remove the stuck biscuit and then I ask 'Do you want tea?' If you visit their homes you might find them even sleeping with a smiling face. They sleep in a stylish manner wearing pink nighties.

In my house all the women sleep together in a complicated form. It's tough to identify them. They look so united. Let me tell you all something. Akshay Kumar is the one and only actor who gets to work in so many movies every year. Approximately five movies that he acted release every year. Am I right, sir? Even my situation is the same.

After leaving this show I'll go to a dancing show. Then I'll go to a singing show. There is a show in the morning at 3 o'clock. This sari is worth Rs. 999. You'll get a blouse too if you order now.

That's my voice, sir. Also, I go home after horoscope prediction at 6 o'clock in the morning. You're my inspiration and I've decided to become the lady Akshay Kumar of the television industry.

That you are already. - Really? How much more do you want to work? You already looted all the channels. Did you hear that, sir? That monkey casted an evil eye on us. We go with a flow, isn't it? - Absolutely.

We just follow the money. Oh, God! I'm getting a phone call from the channel. You meet all of them with affection as you can meet all of them only here. I'll meet you in different channels. Yes, I'm leaving. Okay, sir.

Rs. 20 lakh. Okay, done. Wow! - Superb. - Thank you. Everyone gave a standing ovation. Thank you, dear.

Sir, what about the money? - I don't want it. You have to pay me. I brought you here. Really? First of all, you brought me to one city from another.

I will need money for food and accommodation. Yet you are asking me for money. Dad, he is asking for his hard earned money. If he wants the hard earned money he should ask his father, not yours. You are right.

I will go to the police. You should join the army, dear. Make the country proud. Win a medal. Dad, medal is won in the Olympics. Really? Then you should bring some rum for me. Okay? Go on. Leave.

Great. - Look at this, Dad. Wow! Fantastic! So many artists. Congratulations. Not even 'Hum Apke Kaun' had so many artists.

Which film is coming up? Dad, it's the audience. Really? - The guests are over here. Great! Greetings. - Greetings. How are you, Mr. Akshay? This is for you. You ate all the bananas in the second episode.

Greetings, Mr. Jackky. Greetings, Ms. Vaani. Greetings, Ms. Huma.

Which film is coming up? 'Bell Bottom', Dad. Great! We used to have such pants during my days. Bell bottom. Mr. Akshay, give me a bell bottom too. I am tired of wearing the skirt. Ms. Huma, do you know how uncomfortable a skirt is?

It's true. - If I drop a coin I cannot even bend over to pick it up. Mr. Akshay, you are so nice.

You look so beautiful. - Handsome is the word, Dad. I see. Ms. Huma, you are looking very handsome.

Dad, you should call her beautiful. You are confusing me with beautiful and handsome. What is this? Dad, you should say handsome when it is a man. Well, I am a man. That's why I said handsome. What is this? Not you, Dad. If the other person is a man, you should call him handsome.

And if it is a woman, you should call her beautiful. Really? - Yes. With this logic, should I call Ms. Archana a hand pump? Mr. Jackky. How are you, dear? No matter what character you are playing you should revere the producer.

Mr. Jackky. Your father is a good friend of mine. Really? He never told me. I still remember when I came to Mumbai for the first time.. What was my first line? I had ten rupees in my pocket.

But I gave you 1,000 rupees this morning. Dad, you had ten rupees in your pocket. I gave you everything that a I had in my pocket. Dad, when you came to Mumbai for the first time you had only ten rupees in your pocket. But you were not born yet. I am talking about you! Why are you talking about me? Talk about yourself.

I brought my son. You bring your own. Get lost. I have brought my dad. You should bring yours too. Hey, don't talk about my dad. - Dad, I am your son. I am supposed to take after you.

He is right. - It's true, Dad. Son, don't take after your dad. You should go for a walk. What is this? Mr. Akshay, please tell him.

I just remembered something. - What? Mr. Jackky, I still remember when I came to Mumbai for the first time I met your dad. Really? - Mr. Akshay.

I really liked his dad's shoes. When I saw them, I said. Great shoes.

Oh God! Vashu.. Don't run in these shoes. Don't run. I have also met your dad. But his shoes were dirty on that day. And I asked him..

Why don't you wash your shoes? Stop it! Stop! I have already cracked that joke. You are ruining it. What is wrong with you? Dad, I will tell another one if you didn't like this one. Really? - I can crack jokes hands down.

But you are using your right hand. I cannot snap my fingers on this hand. I can snap fingers on my left hand easily. But it's your right hand.

I cannot do it with the other hand. - Oh! It's a big problem. My left hand is of no use.

What should I do now? Dad, I think that my fingers have also taken after you. I love you, Dad. I love you, dear. - I love you, Dad. - My son. Dad, we can talk about this later. We have important guests here. Let's discuss something useful.

Yes. Mr. Akshay, I saw your 'Bell Bottom' yesterday. What? - I really liked it. Dad, did you watch the movie alone? What do you mean? You were also with me.

I was not with you, Dad. Was it not you? - No. Again, I took someone else's child to the movie theatre. Vani, do you see? This is how he behaves. Vani.

I saw your picture online yesterday in a yellow skirt. Yellow skirt? - Yes. Indeed. I loved it and you know I wish to tell you.. - Please do not. I need it for two days. - The skirt? Yes, if that skirt.. If I could get it, I'll wear it on my birthday.

I will tag you online. Skirt courtesy Vani Kapoor. Please do not. - Dad always tags.

Hello, Huma. - Hello. I saw your picture in a blue skirt. I liked it. - You! Are you not ashamed stalking women online? And at this age! Wow! Dad! Wow! You can see them just fine but I cannot? Enough, Dad. I'll strike. Cast this garb aside and wear chains of slavery.

One hit of mine can send a person in afterlife. You dare scold your own father? You scolded me? Dad, I am sorry. It was a mistake. I did not mean that. - What? I did not want to do it but it happened. I am sorry. It is fine. - I did not want to do it.

It just happened. - Fine. - I never wanted it. It is fine. - It just.. - Stop it, will you? It is fine! It is done! Yes, Dad. - Jackie. Would you like to have something? Dad, what is going on over here? I was offering him a banana.

Is that how you represent a banana? Let me complete, will you? There it is. A banana. - See how cute my dad is. Dad, what does that mean? Adding the banana in a mixture to make a shake. I was closing the lid. Dad this is how you close the lid and not like this.

There you have it. I did it! No need to scare me, Dad. I am the son of Mr. Dharam! What? Send my regards to your dad! We will leave now. We'll leave. Dad.

We wish your movie a great luck. Thank you. - And speaking of theatres. They will be unlocked with movie Bellbottom. A big hand! Mr. Akshay we have that key for you. So you can unlock the cinema halls. Bring it. - It is over here.

Do watch the movie in theatres while wearing a mask. Sir. - Yes? - Here it is. I love you. A big hand for this cast. - Thank you! We will be back with another dose of laughter.

Take your vaccines and stay safe. Be healthy and happy. And keep watching our show.

Good night to you all! Thank you. - Thank you, guys. - Thank you, sir. We love you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much!

2021-08-27 14:49

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