The Business of Divorce (Encourages Narcissistic Abuse) -Evening TV
If. You've watched it in my videos about legal, abuse or about divorce you'll. See an ongoing theme, in there about two marks about how this could be and why it just seemed like it was such a hostile environment why, it seemed like it was just so. Completely. Had. No checks and balances no sense of, you. Know there was no justice, there just absolutely no there, wasn't really no laws there and there was no it was just it seemed like it was completely. Like. No there, was no rhyme or reason to how it was working decided, that I would watch this film. Called. Divorce corp with. The P Corp, with a PD end like, business, like a corporation, so this. This. Movie. Exactly. Explains, why. All that is the way that it is and how I touched, on all these things but now I understand, exactly why they were the. Worst, Court was. Set up it's not a court, of law this, is the thing it's not the court of law it's, called a court of equity. Which. Means basically, that, it. Doesn't have to get you don't have any constitutional, rights there it's. Made like trial by jury and stuff in Criminal Court is because it. Because, it sets up a checks and balances, it's that no one person has all the power well in divorce court one person does have all the power the, judge has all the power and so, it, makes a big difference. Things, that are completely arbitrary to, you make, a big difference in how your divorce comes out to, your judge your judges biases, your jet you know and, and. In. The crane the cozy relationship, your judge has with, what with the lawyers either your lawyer of the opposing lawyer it's you. Know it's. Really it's the system just set up for absolute corruption and then the other thing is is that he there, was a fifty billion dollar industry and, so. The. Incentives. Are not for, peace they're not for you know I was saying in some of my videos I was saying it seems like I was dealing on there that was really concerned about the kids the, best interest of the kids well I was absolutely right I wasn't imagining that that was absolutely true because, these. Guys they're they're, really. Incentivized. For money and they want to keep you in conflict I.
Think. Death would be easier than a divorce. It's. Very frustrating to, have gone, for help and then, come, out with your family destroyed. We. Have serious, problems in our family, law court system. Getting. Divorced is far from easy litigation. Lasted for over a year as married, only four months a mile, divorces, lasted, over six and a half years close, to eight years eight, years, why, is divorce, so difficult, people. Can get as much, justice, as they can afford most. People could. Not afford any justice, at all what's, wrong with that this. Is a business the, more you charge the more people are willing to pay they. Didn't give me a lawyer pay, those eleven thousand dollars or go to jail, it really got to the end of the line. And I said to the litigants I want you to know after, two hours we will have spent more than most people in this courthouse make in a year. Your. Home your, your valuables. Are all gonna be sold to, pay the lawyers and people like me. Even. Though I was acquitted he still made a decision to take my son away from me his birthday was last week and I didn't get to see him what you have is a tinderbox and the lawyers are throwing gasoline on that fire the system is designed to create conflict, I received. A phone call for, another 25,000, he be able to give us what we wanted. Extortion. Family, Court results. In more violence than any other area of law Jeffs, suicide. Murder. No. Jury just, the one biased, judge the, judge says even, if you win you, would have to pay. The, whole thing is just insane. Follow. The money. So. You get high conflict, narcissistic. Person in there it just totally. Plays, to them it was set up in at, a, time when, we had a, provider. And dependent. Relationship a homemaker and a provider relationship. And so, it was set up so, that there would be alimony. And child, support. All of stuff but. Now. That's not really the reality of our, lifes so, much and what. It ends up doing is it ends up getting making. All that even those and no-fault divorce there. Ends up being all this incentive, for people, that have the lamp a--they or have low conscience, to, make up lies and try and slander, and make them marry it, gives them a lot of incentives, for doing that because basically. Children. Are like are like the rabbits, in a dog race the other thing that keeps it going the. Other thing that keeps it going and so you, know people are fighting for the kids and in. You. Know some cases, they're, fighting for the kids well-being which is certainly, what I was doing but in less. Virtuous. You know reasons they're fighting because the kids are money because. They see giving up the kids as giving up money. His, his solution, is to, is. You think that we should be going with more, or less what they're doing in in, Scandinavia, in Scandinavia, they have a much much, totally, different system it's not there's, no that's, not gonna court at all and Scandinavia, basically you file for divorce you, file a paper and. If. There's, no reconciliation, in six months and if both parties still want a divorce you're divorced, there's no law there's no others no courts no judges what, we've done in this country is we set up a no-fault divorce in 1969. Which. The, rate of divorce went way out but we did that because. It was prior. To 1969, there were 400,000. Per. Year and, after. 1969. It went up to 1.2, million and so. It triples and now. In actually and so divorces, really aren't increasing we're now redundant about a million it's, so it's basically about saying we ran we stated about 50%. Of marriages, end in divorce we've, stained it about that if, you have, a. Narcissistic, person a person who's high conflict who sees everything is win lose and all that stuff and who wants you to basically end up with nothing which is what they want and they, would rather these look nice as we know narcissus would rather pay. In the courts they'd rather pay the lawyer they would rather you know I was you know my case I was losing everything I was losing every penny but my husband actually he. Lost a lot of money too but. He, lost, a lot of money to make a lot of money I mean. He we both we, lost a lot of money I mean the lawyer. Paid in lawyers so. But he would rather have given. It to the courts he would rather impoverished, himself, just, not to give me a penny and. Just. Because, it at that point had gotten his minded you know was a win you know I had to be even though I hadn't been eating him, and donating. Him but now I was the enemy and so I had to I had. To lose, it's just really corrupt because the lawyers and the courts want. To keep it going they. Want to keep it going and they want to keep this they want to keep this system set up this way even though it's really outdated because there's, a lot of money and inform to keep it this way it's good idea because there's no incentive, for.
Bad-mouthing. The other person. There's. No they, go and people end up getting through their divorces, somewhat. Intact you, know they end up having, and they, haven't they haven't just, completely betrayed, the other person, and made you know how to publicly. Sneer, them and all. This stuff and so. They can end up and then going on to parent, and do things together because, they haven't just completely betrayed the other person, and of, course that's, what we see all of our friends that have amicable. Divorces, and you know and like the divorce that, I was trying to have and midst this whole conflict which, is just seemed reasonable, to me that I would have I you, know I couldn't have said I had a sociopath, for a husband but. You, know I basically, there, is there's, not a lot of incentive for, doing. That 69. We change it to a no-fault divorce but we still, had to go through court to get divorced, which. Is getting even you don't with your court you get divorced, and so. And and then there's all these things that you don't get there's. No public defenders, in, Family, Court and, so. And they've. Made it so complicated. They made the paper, getting so complicated that, you really can't get through it without a lawyer especially, if the, other party has a lawyer and the. Judges will look down on you feed on the lawyer and all these you know the different things that I've seen happen I've seen the judges give people really bad times you're not having lawyers and and. You. Know it's so if, really. You're only in this country the only protection, you have is. That. You are with a real you're divorcing, a reasonable, person. Again. The only protection you have is. To be divorcing, a reasonable, person or I stay, out of the court completely, this. Divorce system, is really corrupt and there is a whole movement now for divorce reform, which i think is great and i, want to get into a movement for drug. Treatment reform, the same thing but. But. That's not gonna be quick that's not gonna be a quick thing happening. And so. Really. You're. All eight right now you're only your. Only protection. Against. This is against, the system is to not get into it it's, to not get into the system which means. You. Have to be divorcing a reasonable, person that, will just you. Know do it do a reasonable, amicable. Divorce and, that, obviously means a non narcissistic. Person, and. So, you, know it just it, is. One more thing for you know how you know about taking, it slowly, when. You're dating someone taking it really slowly and thinking to yourself. Not. With this person make a good husband, a good wife not that think would they make a good ex a good ex-wife, or a good ex-husband. Let's. Repeat, that ask. Yourself. Would this person, make a good ex-wife. Or, ex-husband. Really. Truly because. It's. A weird way of thing but there's a 50% chance that's where you gonna end up and if it's a second time if you weren't even through this once it's the second thing that goes up to 65%, or 7e and third time it's up to SF like 72 percent, so, you, know really think in terms of like how would this person be if we if this doesn't work out we're gonna end up getting divorced how are they gonna be because, how I asked that question I wasn't asking that question with, these bad guys I was, just asking out what you know her husband would they be and and of course in my mind thinking that you know they're, not gonna be, believing. What they're saying about I wasn't like the ex's oh I know their exes didn't like I didn't have no relationships with their exes but. And. They thought lo of their exes and all that said of course but I thought that I was the exception, of course and that's what they told me and, and. You. Know I kind, of knew that they wouldn't if, I had asked that question would they be good ex-husband. I would have known, better. I would have I would have a closer guess that no they wouldn't be. But, I didn't ever think we were gonna be at that point I thought we, were gonna be you, know happily, ever after, and all of that stuff of course there's. Corruption there there's corruption and greed and all that with the lawyers the judges who I also believe are narcissistic. I mean who would who, wants this kind of job that just seems like your narcissism heaven. Right there but. Aside from that narcissistic. You. Know narcissistic, people, are. The problem it's, not all men, it's not all women and so. Even. Though the laws are right now set up they are set up - theoretically. It's not some nuts to set up there's a benefit women there, - they are set, up to benefit, the. Dependent. Person. So, whether that's a man or a woman that, doesn't it's not about men or women it's about who was dependent and who is the provider, but and, in now 80%, of homes have two incomes you, know have two incomes and so, in in Scandinavia, also they don't make child support based on income, child, support is based.
On The what you need just what do you need to raise a kid it's, across the board no matter what your income is and it's like 200 dollars a month or something your tutor dollars maybe a week but, I needs, a month actually - those a month so it's not like. You're. Doing in this country you can use you can use your your. Alimony whenever you can use that to pay your legal fees so there's all kinds of incentives for people, to get you know these these, outrageous. Things but. Let me tell you that, there it, is no safe job because I got completely screwed. In in, my divorce completely. Completely. Screwed so it's a oh and the reasons for that was that I. I wasn't. Playing the game I wasn't, injured and what, he had to do the. Flip side to this dependent, thing is that we also have this mother up on a postal thing mother. Up on a pedestal and so all he had to do was. Make, allegations, about, me that didn't have to be proven didn't have to have any any basis. In fact, but. That I was that I had a drug problem or an alcohol problem any and just as alleged and then I you. Know I said I felt you know it was like. What. Was expected of a mother was so, much, more, than, what was he just had to show up basically. A father has had to be expected, to show up and to, provide. You, know basically provide, and then that was that was it but a mother I you. Know there were all these Holly, you know I'd be virtuous, I didn't eat you know and so the fact that he, could even make these allegations about me which, you know and I did a really bad job of you know I should have just said you know screw you that's not true you. Know but I didn't really handle it that way I believe, that he was had a real concern about it and I was vulnerable because, I had I was sick and I had gone through this stuff and I was injured and I was taking medications, and so I had a vulnerability, and I just I didn't. I didn't, I didn't understand the game I was in I just didn't attend the game I was in a tight already lost it you, know and I really lost it. But. You. Know and. And I I had, a really, really crooked. Crooked. And ex-husband. Who, I didn't know was crooked but he really, was and his, lawyer was and, then, the judge it just happened, so having that my tiny of my divorce was.
Right, When, the, big father's, rights things was, really, happening and my judge the, judge that I got had just went his own high-publicity. Father's. Rights case and so he was this big father's, rights advocate, and so I mean. It just every, different angle that it could've gone wrong for me it did and, and. So. It was you know it was just it. Really. That and coming from everyday I'm excited there was no way I could get ahead of it and so, to think that it's just oh you. Know I hear so many things about how it just favors the woman and it's all about women and and, you. Know I suppose. That would be true but you're it's it really look if there was the narcissist, if they, were someone who's going to take advantage of this thing now if you have a really crooked greedy. Woman. Then. Yes I can see why a lot of men would feel that way because, you. Know certainly. But. But, this system this, system is. It. It. Encourages. People to make. False, claims against. Each other and to try and make each other look bad and I. Never did that and so, therefore, I, got really screwed over and there, was no you. Know there's no perjury, charters there you know even when he was proved to be lying there was no but there was no downside, to that there, was no downside, to lying and this, court of equity it. Was like you know he, could you know just keep throwing, these things at me and I was constantly, on the defensive, and. You. Know just I just never got ahead of it and never got ahead of it and, and. Then, also you. Know several. Years later he took me back he wanted even when the kids were teenagers doing that for another custody, thing and. In that he. Was winning nothing, he was proving right off the bat to be you know making false claims but he was still able to keep it going and this. Is where I really thought there is something going on here because if. The if the courts were and the best interests of the kids in mind they, would have they would have immediately, when he was you, know found to be lying right in the beginning just put a stop to it said no you put these people through enough this is it we're, done you know you're not getting away with this anymore stop but.
He Wasn't he was he, was allowed even after being found at be lying in the beginning he was able to just keep conflict, going even though he was getting nowhere he kept conflict, going for over a year and by the time it was over my. Sons, were both suicidal and, one of them was doing heroin and. You. Know I I I, just. Completely. I. Completely. Blame. My. My. Son's death on just, the just all-around failure. Of all of this they. The. Failure, of the family system the, failure, of his. Father the failure of the court system the failure of the rehab the. Drug, treatment system, that failure of all these systems, and of course my failure, to. I was, damaged, and broken and, so, I wasn't protecting myself or them so. It was just you know for the medicine that was begging for the failure of my family, you know and you, know you know my family's failure goes back to me and then they also failed my kid's dream, straight up so and it was just it was just it just basically, the system is set up in this divorce cope it's very disturbing what, you should watch this film divorce, court cor P dot. But. It's very very disturbing, and very distressing, and. It, just basically talks. About you, know why. You reform, is needed while these poems are happening, and my, you, know what really, I I. Want. To you know just make. A call out there to you, know men. And women we, can't we can't be fighting against each other because they. Were good men and there are good women and there are bad men they're bad women and if you get a bad person. And, you're divorcing a bad person, it's. Gonna go bad and it's not because they're a man and a woman it's just because they're a bad person and this system is set to benefit a bad person, and so. The system needs to be changed and we need to be a lot, more careful about who we're marrying and you. Know and and and. Really. Take that decision really slowly, and you. Know we, all got married for, various. Reasons I know that. I could. Take responsibility, for a lot of things because I know I got married because. I, was. Ready to get married I wanted, to get married and I needed to buy that I was feeling, I was. Feeling I, was. Directionless, I was finished with school, my. Family, was rejecting, me I felt like I needed I needed. To. Create a family a life for myself and, so it was kind of like I was, ready to get, married and I looked around and who was around and who was in my world at that time and it was this guy who, seemed to be crazy about me and he was he.
Seemed Basically, to be just, fine. You, know, but. It was fast I mean I like you know from. The first date to our wedding date was a year, and and. From, the first date to us being engaged was just a few months and and. By, the time you've made that decision then. You're not looking at him clearly anyway so you. Know didn't even matter that was a year I was no longer once I started making wedding plans and stuff I wasn't looking at him objectively anymore. At that point it was done I had, a you know and I I fear you, know I am and. Also also. I had been raised by narcissistic, parents I've been raised by parents who basically. Taught. Me that you know marriage is work you, know marriages just work it's hard and my mother says a crapshoot who you marry you know you know you just have to make it work well, what I know now is it, shouldn't be that hard you know I married, to somebody now for almost as long as I was married the first time it's not work at all he's not it's, you know he's it shouldn't be that hard and so you, know that was another thing that you, know I was just I had I had, bad, lessons, and bad habits and bad messages, you know I just. A lot of that information from, my growing up life I was you. Know looking. At now I was very vulnerable I was very vulnerable to having this kind of thing happen and I ended, up marrying, a bad guy and then. You, know your only protection from, this system is to stay out of it and, and. You're, most. People I'm sure if you have people that have that had amicable, divorces, or whatever that's what they did they. Handled most of it on their own I'm sure because once you have all systems, going you have lawyers and you're in court you're. Not having an amicable divorce, you. Know you you know it's already out of control by, the time you're in court you, know so. You, know the. This you know the system is just really really bad and it's. Set, up to be that way so just, you. Know this is a you know words the way, anyone. Who is expecting. To get any. Kind of justice, or protection, in court, or. It's expecting the court to look out for you and your kids it's.
Not Gonna happen it's. Like I haven't the best protection, you have for you and your kids is, before, you ever get married it's, picking the right person and, if, you've already picked, the wrong person and you know it at least if you know it then. Your vineyards. Then you're wise, to get you know all this information about court but knowing what you're headed into is really. It's, really in the ticket because I. Didn't. Know all right you know I mean I did not know what, it was gonna be like I did this I did by the time the custody thing came around I knew, what I was up against, and he. Didn't win a single thing but I also couldn't stop it even if you know here's the thing even if you know you can't, stop it you, know it's, this runaway train and as long as the / as long as there's someone in there that wants conflict keep going they'll, be able to keep it going because. Everyone. Everyone. Has, an incentive to keep it going except, for the person who wants, to take care of the kids and wants to you know isn't, in isn't enjoying all this conflict, everyone. In the process is enjoying the conflict, but you and your kids, you. Know that's the thing and again however. It was saying again it's, men and women and it said the reason that the system is set up is said to be dependent, and provider so, in men and women it's dependent, and provider which it does happen, more often than not to be the woman who, is the one he's the more dependent but, in 80% of the cases it's. Immaterial anyway because two two, incomes in my case we, had a business we were running a business together we were 50/50, owners, and I ended up completely. Penniless, and he ended up with everything, so. You, know how does that happen you, know it was. Just completely a corrupt system there, was no, rhyme or reason to it at all it was just because he, was the one that was more. Narcissistic more. Aggressive, didn't, turn about the kids he had he, had the whole ball rolling he knew how it all worked, he, knew how it was gonna work and he you. Know and you know also helped it you know he wasn't sideswipe. He wasn't sick he wasn't he, didn't have it almost it just come to this like life. You, know almost died and was you know all this other stuff really bad stuff happening I mean I was really super vulnerable it, was just not a fair fight at all in my case but. But. In anybody's, case you know and so I think there's a lot of I just, here I shared a lot with men I hear a lot of men, you. Know thinking, that it's a woman thing and I and I feel really bad about that because it's really not a woman, thing it is a bad system. And and. If. You have a bad woman it. You. Know then you know but it is a bad system, that is it, is benefiting, people that, are prone. To conflict and prone to be you. Don't want this win-lose, thing and are not it don't have a problem lying and and don't, care about you. Know taking care of the kids needs first and all that and that's the person you are going with in court it's gonna be a battle because that's what the court is set up for and so. We do need we do need to get, a divorce reform, and you. Know but. That's you know that's just not gonna be happening anytime soon, so. You. Know it's it's it's a beware a system, because, it's really really. Really. Corrupt and set up for narcissists. And you. Know but I hate to see good people. Getting. Paranoid, of each other you know you know and blaming, it all on women, or all I'm in and I hate, you know I just hate to see that happening, and so. You, know and, I you know even even before you, know I started, this channel I, really. Did think that it was I I, didn't realize, the amount of men that were also impacted. By this, same. Problem I how many men ran my I mean either I knew there were some because, my. Ex's. New. Wife now, she's an ex-wife too but I knew that she had done the same thing to her husband so I knew that and also I have a lot of narcissistic. Females, that. They, have been in my life but I hadn't seen any of them do do it besides her I didn't even do this in a divorce situation. You. Know same since our thing but. You. Know so it. Is you know more men are. Have. The narcissism, problem that is true so it is probably this. Plate. But, you know if you, have a person that's you know just high. Conflict and high and also greedy. It's gonna be bad you know it's gonna be bad and the system is set up for it to be bad and so, I just like was interesting, that you know a lot of the things like kind of touched on on my other legal abuse videos my, other my other divorce videos.
This, Film, brought, it all around and explained, why that was happening and so, it kind of made sense of you know it was just talking from firsthand experience all, the things that happened, and how to protect yourself but. It kind of gives now. I understand, the the foundation, of why it was happening that way and it is it wasn't in my imagination and it wasn't it wasn't, just my one-off, situation it, is actually set up that way it. Is set up that way and it you know it it's. More. Likely to be that then not be that in my case it was just especially bad, because, I had, somebody who was really aggressive. And so were his lawyers and so is the judge and was all just really bad and I was especially vulnerable and, so. And I had no support and, you know it was just terrified, and all this stuff and so, it was you know really bad for me but. But. It would have been it, would, have been really bad for anybody who, in my situation, you, know anybody in my situation would, have ended up just as bad so anything's gonna be some you, know some. You. Know the, more prepared you are the better for, you will be the less, narcissistic, and, the you know the less, aggressive a little you know the more decent, a person you're divorcing, the better off you'll be, you know so, and you. Know and again it's just it is really the, judge and these judges and it is really the amount of power that they have is really. There, is nothing, else like it I mean yes, if it just just doesn't like you they could ruin your life you. Know if a judge doesn't like you or doesn't like your lawyer it. Could ruin your life and that actually happened to me too the first lawyer that I went to court with the judge hater I could sound mediaand, I can't the judge hates this lawyer you know it's like nothing about me at all that I hated my lawyer and that started, off on all-around foot too so, it was just it, was just you, know it were my keys I went from bad to worse and so you. Know I I have, a worst case scenario story. Though but, the system is set up for, that and then you. Know you want to see how bad it can be you take a look at my divorce and that's how bad it can be and. And you, know so. Your. Best, chances, are. To, not go there your best chances are Herbie was just to keep yourself out of divorce, court and, obviously. Either by staying married obviously. Or but, by having they, have me being with someone who's reasonable, that won't one won't want to fight you like this and, having a reasonable divorce, and. You. Know so, of course what, that means is prevention is everything it means not, marrying, a person, who's problematic. And so taking it slow and getting, to know someone and. Please. Please. Please if you are still. Going through anything like this. Do. Not start, dating, anybody, if, you are at all vulnerable, if you're going through this or you're going through a big, financial thing or you've been emotionally. You're. Emotionally distraught or financially, you, want to do a hard time you've lost someone, you've. Had a major death in the family or something like anything. Like that please don't. Date, because, you're gonna be very. Very. Vulnerable to. To. Being, picked, out by. A bad person, and then. Your ability to see, through it and all that you eat hopefully, smarter than you were before but. You're, not you're not in any real shape to wanting to be doing that you're really not safe, especially, if you're a person who's already, had. A narcissistic, abuse in your past or you have you have our history being raised by narcissists in this villa so if narcissism, is, a theme in your life, you. Are especially, vulnerable. And. Need to really, really, heal yourself, and have your life functioning, and working, out for you and be taking care of your own self take your knees I have an intact life and be whole and feel strong, before. You start dating because. You. Know. It just, you, know it gets written in a course that I did that I got involved with someone else when I was going through this nasty divorce and, then he left me right, as my divorce was coming through and it was just absolutely, devastating. It was just devastating and. It. Didn't have to be you know all of that was manufactured, all of that was you know unnecessary. And just. You. Know it was just it. Was. Just you, know I'm just got with bad people and I did a really bad job of protecting myself you. Know if they just didn't, I just didn't know and, you know but. And and, therefore picking my kids and that's something I have to forgive myself for I didn't, do the stuff to them but I allowed it to happen because, I wasn't I was, vulnerable and I was not discerning, and I hooked, up with bad people and, you. Know and who took advantage of a bad system, and, so.
You. Know that's. You know on that you know the day after Valentine's Day, I made a video of all that love and all that stuff but there it was kind of an exciting reason, to it because I want. Those questions, about what is love really, to think about that you, know really think about what is love and if you are really thinking about what is love. You, will know if you take it slowly you will know if, this person, is loving, before, you marry them if you get a person who is doing all the things that I say in that video yeah. In my last video about what is love you, get someone who's like that you me secretary, for love you're gonna be okay but, that's gonna take some time because, and. You. Actually not even that much time because nurses can't they, can't fake it for that long you, know you. Have boundaries, you practice good boundaries, and you, you're, going to know pretty pretty fast I think if someone is going. To be it. Is it's going into a truly loving person and as empathy and it you know how that said I think that actually it's gonna be revealed faster than you then you know but. You you, have to be you. Have to really practice boundaries, and not not. Be too easy not be too accepting, that be too agreeable you. Know and that's what we are you. Know I you, know testing, high on the agreeableness, scale, very very high and, you. Know and it, it, just isn't necessary, to meet all that agreeable when. You're just starting to date someone you. Know it just isn't and so you. Know I I would, I would do I would do it all differently you know I would do I did. Do it differently like when I and. When. I met the husband, that I have now I didn't, want to even be dating I didn't want to get married at all I was I was doing fine I had. I made, it through everything it had several years single and. And. I was not in a hurry to get marry I kept putting him out putting him off putting him off and that was the. Best thing, because I, ended, up with someone who is truly loving. And it's not it's. Not work at all to, be married to him not at all he's just you know. You. Know and and, eventually. You. Know a nice person. Is, a much more, important thing than you think, you, know just a person who's just a nice decent. Person a decent. Person really. Matters.