sKORO NA mizině - Terapie (7. epizoda)
Is this for a hidden camera show? Could we talk about this slightly awkward situation? This is some kind of Prague joke, right? You got me, mate, this prank is even better that that Chili of yours. Let me go. I can't let you go. You want to post it on Instagram, huh? Hey, hey, listen, do you hear me? I get it, dude. Insta.. what? Drop the act, dude, we all know that you need followers like addict needs his fix.
Dick pick didn't work so you post Kozub in handcuffs. Shut the fuck up! I will have to deal with his bullshit again. Hi, it's me. What? We have got a problem. About medium size problem. I think you should come over.
Bitch, who are you calling a medium size problem?! Jiří, who did you call? UK? Will they put my head in concrete? Everything could have been fine if you hadn't come in here, dude. This is typical for people from Ostrava. You see a Chili pepper and eat it, you see a door and you enter. Like fucking DnD characters! Fuck! Instead of apology you say "Good shit, nay?" or "Banik, bitch!" No, Jiří, wrong pronunciation, it has to be shorter and smoother. "Good shi- Shut the fuck up! You have no idea what you did! Me? Bitch, I am the one fucking handcuffed here! Just don't be hysterical, please.
No one cares about your over acting. What is this, fucking actors conspiracy? What is he doing here? This wasn't the plan. I know, Vašek. It got a bit out of hands upstairs.
A bit out of hands, dude? You can't keep a simple agreement. What if he told others. Well, that's why he is in cuffs, so he can't tell them. These people from Ostrava are so nosy. Tell me about it.
Etzler. Krajčo. Vilišová got Thalia Award. Fucking Děrgel in National Theatre! They spread like a disease. Look, Vašek, nothing to be done now.
Let's finish according to the plan. What fucking plan? Can someone tell me what the hell is going on? Why are you staring, bitch? Did I forget to trim my nose hair? Or what? Shouldn't he show some respect? Look, that is between you two, I am going back. So, command time is 18:07 We'll launch at 20:00. Jiří? Look, I apologise for the boys, I told them off and they won't do it again Can you tell me where did you go? Me? Outside.
I looked for you outside. I mean outside outside. I needed some fresh air after what happened here. Have you seen Štěpán? We had a bit of a fight upstairs, so we wanted to sort it out. Alas, he called a taxi and left.
What's that? That is Štěpán's phone. I see. How did he call a taxi, if his phone is here? With his second phone? He has only one phone.
What exactly did he tell you? Are we really going to talk about someone who is not here? It was his free choice, you have to accept it. He is gone. Are we expecting any more guests? No. Then who is it? Štěpán, of course! I told you it doesn't add up.
Yeah, it must be Štěpán. I will get it. Do you have Skittles? I feel my blood sugar is low. I always take for it one green and one blue. You probably think this is just a joke, a prank, a game and that we will be friends by the end.
I am not gonna befriend a guy that wants to eat my beans! What beans, bitch? That's a metaphor, shithead! Cunt, not your Ostrava bitch for the little dickheads, a proper cunt for big dicks like that. You think I went to Dejvice for no reason? No way. No sane person leaves Brno National Theatre for no reason. Dude, there is no sane person in Brno NT in the first place. You don't have to try to by funny.
You want to replace him, huh? You want to take my spot. I can feel it. Replace who? Don't play dumb. You know alright. No, I don't know. Večerníček? Who has Radok, Thalia and 150 Czech Lion Awards? Only one person.
I have been knocking on his door for 20 years asking "Two cubes of sugar? As always? Or are you feeling adventurous today, maestro?" Oh, you mean Trojan. It is fine, Vašek, so you lick his balls, that happens, nothing wrong about it I too licked Čuba's balls until I got more famous I don't care whose balls you lick in Ostrava. But I will be the one to replace Ivan Trojan. You think because you can make a hundred faces, move your nose like that and say bitch after every line that you're better than me? I don't think like this, bitch! But I do! Then you're insane, dude. But you are from Brno, it's to be expected.
I'm just wondering who the hell is knocking on my pantry door to get some of my hard-earned beans. So I'm locked in a bunker, bitch, I got my hand cuffed to some pipe, dude, to listen to metaphors about fucking legumes? I don't eat beans. - You don't eat beans? - No. And lentils? Peas? No, I don't eat lentils or peas, dickhead. But, good actor eats legumes. That wasn't Štěpán, - Look who came. - Hi.
- Hello. - Hi. - Wow, hi. - Hi. - And also!
Hi. - Hi, Petr. - Nice to see you, Adéla. Hello. - I am Albert. - Hi, Petr. - I am from Ostrava.
Sorry, can I help you, Petr? So, how are you doing, Petr? Well, it has been, it has been rough. My wife just died, as you might have heard. Jana is dead? Who is Jana? Magda died. - Magda? - Yes, Magda, who else? - Oh, you mean from the TV show. - Yes, of course. I see. Adéla, are you alright? You have iron deficiency.
- What? - Don't worry, just take this. No, put it in a glass of water and let it dissolve. - Thanks. - You are welcome.
You sent Uber for me, fine. The driver is from god knows where and has no sense of direction, fine. - But sharing the ride with Petr Rychlý? - He is cool, dude. He is out of his mind, he asked me to call him Čestmír.
- Fuck, really? - Yeah. He said my livers are failing and that I have yellow eyes. - Yeah, I see some yellow. - No, I am fine. He is going crazy.
He has yellow eyes. Boy, he is in the terminal stage. This might be a big problem.
An actor needs to be over-pressurized at all times. So beans make you a better actor? Beans got Ivan to the top! What is your secret? I have no secret. I am just talented. Wait, you can't be this good at your age by just being talented. Well, apparently I can, so get over it, bitch, and let me go.
You know what? Let's have acting battle, Dejvice vs Mír, like Sparta vs Slavia Okay, if anything, Sparta vs Banik, bitch. Whatever, Vašek. Do we put on jerseys and perform Hamlet? - And Troška chooses the winner, dude? - No. We use Trojan Dialogue Test. Results are precise.
Ivan uses it to test candidates in Dejvické Theatre No one can match him in dialogue. It is absolute domination, like Jagr with puck. If you win, I let you go. Yeah, right. Dude, do you think I could play Emil Zátopek if I did not play fair? I am a man of my word, for fuck's sake, Štěpán.
- Well, it's not like I have a choice. - Yeah. Here is the script. I test you in 30 minutes. Fine, thanks.
I wonder how I'm gonna turn pages using one hand only, dude. Who wants some wine? Me, I will have some! You should rather take a nap, that will do you good. Sure. Good night, boys. Petr, the red wine looks good. Well, it is a cheaper bottle. Languedoc.
Just 100€. Anyone wants some iron? Well, then, perhaps later. Where is Adéla? She went to bed. Bring her in on Monday.
- For a check up, she doesn't look good. - Bring her where? To the hospital, of course. I'll do blood count and some smears. Petr, you are not a doctor. You don't work in a hospital. Sorry. I am an idiot, I keep mixing it up.
Mázl is just a character in a TV show. - And the show is over. - No, it is not over. It is still on, it can't just be over, I have been a doctor for 15 years. - Yeah, he is hopeless. - Holly shit. I can help him. How? The cause of these issues is often a trauma from the past.
It can be cured using regression therapy. Vava? You can do regression therapy? Yes. I know how to perform it. I'll have none of this, patients are waiting for me.
Sit down, Petr. - The doctor determines order of patients. - Seize him! I give you a script, and you fall asleep with it. - Where were we, doctor? - What? That is my first line. Where were we, doctor? You said Martell.
Exactly. Martell. Even though no one is allowed a bite of my goose, I've made an exception for you. You'll have some awesome giblets. And that's not all! I understand you want it for yourself. I, too, dislike sharing.
But do you have to eat it in a sitting? This is an absolute ritual necessity. Before you tell me you can't accept this as a doctor, let me tell you that I have solved this ethical dilemma for you. I have written down that I secretly ignored all of your medical advice. Which will come handy to you, once I am dead. So get over it. Holly shit. Thank you, but you know very well
that the dilemma is second to the fact that you are my golden goose. Petr. Focus on my voice. You dive behind a curtain of your mind.
Please, call me Čestmír. Alright, Čestmír, you dive deeper. You are feeling relaxed. You turn off your mind in three, two, one, now.
Do you hear me, Petr? This is Rudolf. Rudolf? What the fuck? This is Rudolf Hrušínský. That is fine. That is what I thought.
That he would connect to a famous actor known for morphing into his characters. That is what happened to Petr. Rudolf, tell us, where are you? Describe your surroundings. I smell smoke. Smoke of cigarettes in theatre's dressing room? Smoke from crematorium.
The Cremator One of the very few good scripts I didn't work on. I would cross out some lines, gradation could be better, but goo- Petr, shut up. It is fine. Imagine, that the smoke is a fog.
You walk through it and leave it behind. That fog represents all episodes of the TV show. You are leaving it behind. You leave Čestmír Mázl behind.
Only you yourself remain. And you wake up as Petr Rychlý again, in three, two, one, now. Well, I have to go to Kamenice. I am operating on Gita today, she has a cyst on her ovaries.
What the fuck is he talking about? It is still Čestmír talking. Where did you learn the therapy? Last Sunday, there was kind of a documentary about it on TV. So, I am fine, right? Of course.
Totally fine. How do you turn anger into admiration? It is simple! People admire saviours. You can't save the eaten goose, this is nonsense. Only seemingly! When the emotions are most tense, I light a cigar, and blow the smoke into open air, towards them and th- Stop! Stop, wait, shit, What is this? That is the page 37! Yeah, what about it? No one, except for Ivan himself, has ever made it to page 37 in 30 minutes! Well, I know the whole fucking thing so I won, let me go! I was the second best and I made it only to page 36! This cannot be. What the fuck? You said I am free to go if I win. Where is your fair fucking play now, Zátopek? My playing is great, because I am a great actor! - And so I fooled you. - Wow, you Praguers are real cunts.
I have to know your trick. This hypnosis or whatever it is. You fall asleep holding a script, and when you wake up, you know every line. If I tell you, you let me fucking go. I swear. I don't believe you, bitch. You're acting again.
No, I am not, really. This is how I talk in my private life. - You look like that? - And I move and behave like this. For real. I mean it. That regression therapy made me completely sober again.
Good, that means you won't destroy anything else in here. But it doesn't solve our Čestmír issue. Jiří, thank you for accepting me. Look, Petr, isn't this the dream of every author? Having an actor live out the role? Well, I would cast actor like this right away.
Hey. The door was opened. Of course. Guys, the king has come. We welcome Robert Rosenberg. What is this? That is how we do it.
Our hand are usually dirty, gels, and so on. This is more practical. Yeah, I see. - Did you get tested? - Of course.
That's why I am late, sorry. Negative? Of course. Dude, this is HIV test.
Yeah, what else? Corona, maybe? In my industry we care only about real diseases. So do we. So, lucid dreams, huh? You see, in the dream you realize that you are dreaming.
Then you can control your actions. You can do anything. I can go to cinema, flirt with a girl, or I can learn a script. And it all depends on me, because the passing of time is much slower compared to real life. Wait, but, how can you read a script in your dream, if you don't know it? That is another thing. That's photographic memory. Get it? I take a picture before falling asleep.
And then in the dream, it is there. You will teach me. Dude, we are talking about complicated techniques. It requires practice, it's not like putting on a rubber after payday and going to a brothel. You have to take it easy, Vašek, don't push yourself, dude, give yourself space, it takes time.
We will have plenty of time. Vašek? You don't really plan to let me go, right? No, not really, sorry. I would be pointless anyway. It is almost 20:00.
You have parties like this even in lockdown? No Thalia, no Czech Lion Awards, I am glad Jiří invited us here. I am done with this shit. Adéla, don't flare up, you will get red eyes again. Stop putting me down. She has hormonal imbalance, Jiří. That is not good. I'd say she needs more sex.
How do you know? I can tell from the position of her pelvis. Either you explain to me why do you host party like this even though the pandemic frightens you, or everyone goes home right now. Alright. Alright, I will tell you.
I'm expecting one more foreign visit, but I see I cannot wait any longer. As Adéla here rightly says, there is a reason for this whole party. Yeah, there were no Awards. Jiří, Awards are not the most important thing.
Art is not a competition. Like, we do have them, they don't but- Petr, shut up, please. I have been preparing it ever since the pandemic started.
I knew it will be difficult for actors. It is a small gift, from me to all of you. I think it will help you all, a lot, in the future. So, Follow me outside. Fuck, finally, quick, help me and let's get out before the psycho comes back. You didn't leave! No, dude, I've been locked up here and even tortured.
Are you high? For Christ's sake, I am not high, bitch, just cuffed. You think I would just handcuff myself to a fucking pipe? You did handcuff yourself to a pipe at your 20th birthday party. You also covered yourself in grease and asked me to whip you to re-enact the scene from Gone with the Wind. Robin, dude, for fuck's sake! Come on in. Jiří, What the fuck is this shit? Adéla, you have never cursed. You undermined my property! So I am asking again, what the fuck is this shit?! Perhaps for a new X-ray? No, idiot.
Don't worry, I will explain. Jiří, is this a new version of flat theatre or what? Fuck flat theatre. It's a trap, dude, can't you see I'm fucking handcuffed? They want to get rid of competition, help me for fuck's sake! Well done! That was a great improvised opening.
Neužil? Yeah, this is flat theatre. So, the time has come, now we can tell you the reason I invited you all here today. This might come as a bit of a surprise, but each of you was carefully hand-picked. You are granted a favour, a chance to survive this unstable and dangerous time in a safe place.
Full of talented people who can inspire each other. Welcome to our Noah's Ark Jiří Together we will make it. Hi! I would like to thank you for watching. I'd like to repeat that you shouldn't donate any more, because you have prepaid for this experience. As you might have realized, the last three episodes follow each other and form a miniseries.
You have a lot to look forward to, we are currently finishing the 8th and last episode and I think it is awesome. It does a great job at closing some storylines. The 8th episode, as I mentioned, is in post production and it can be released any time, in three or five days, I hope it will be out at the latest in a week. That means, if you want to see the premier, I recommend subscribing to this channel to get notification.
If you are fans of bloopers and behind the scenes content, add me on Instagram. I go by my own name. I'd also like to tell you, that we have a lot of surprises waiting for you at the end of the last episode, and not just plot wise. We as production team will have to make some tough calls, so you can look forward to it.
Have a nice time, see you later.
2021-07-03 01:43
