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Where are my fans at... Here’s your Ajman, hungover as ever after a solid Tuesday... Maca is here with me, last night was wild, but let’s not talk about that, right dolly? Maca says you should go see it on Onlyfans... Like, share, subscribe to Onlyfans. New boxers... Stiff Geronimo, the sponsor. Amazing brand. And here’s that brother of mine. He may amount to something yet... Come here bro, so the folks can see you, let me promote you... You know Braca, my bro, folks? Yo bro, take a look at this, folks are asking whether you’re adopted.

What’s wrong with you, moron, stop provoking me... What are you looking at you dumb bitch, I thought you loved me. Maybe I should shank you both with a screwdriver, huh? Ajman, what’s this moron on about, I don’t remember us being in a relationship, tell me when? I don’t remember. So now you’re acting like you don’t know me, just as you’re faking that fake Serbian accent... What’s wrong with you, bro, relax, chill a bit, don’t be aggressive, or I’ll record you and put you up on Youtube so you get even more embarrassed.

This is not over yet. You haven’t seen the last of Ajnur Varijantaš. Bro, how did you do with the history of influencing? - Got an A, bro. Did it come with two antennas, dude? Not this again, man... Who will go, dude? I’ll go, bro, you had gone the last time, yeah you did, I swear. That’s not what happened, bro, you had gone the last time and I went with you. So do you wanna go now, and I’ll go with you? That’s alright, dude...

Shall we go then? - Let’s go. Mrs. Varijantaš, thank you for answering my call, the school day is approaching, and right now, the student that will most likely be sent home is your Ajnur, he has the lowest number of views, the least subscribers, the lowest number of liked videos by far, so please, tell me if we should kick Ajnur Varijantaš out? I don’t know what that boy is thinking about, he believes he has a brother, god forbid, what a silly child... But I’ll ask Nizaj whether it’s one of his flings, he has his moments, I wouldn’t know, but Sehka knows everything... He even threatened another student with violence... Which reminds me of this anecdote: so I and Knele are sitting in Monte Carlo, eating asparagus for lunch, when this punk comes in.

But let’s not talk about that right now, professor. The parents want to hear about the grades. Ajnur Varijantaš is about to be kicked out. Dženan Horror, solid achievement, his best subject is “healthy styles of living”, B in “Getting pussy according to Andrew Tate” because he skipped class two weeks in a row. He says he was working with his dad. That’s a lie.

Maca Ekavica, one of our greatest hits this season, extraordinary results. Your dad should be proud of you. You know how it is, my philosophy is to always stay positive, when the times are bad, and especially when they’re good... I would like to ask you one thing, if it’s no trouble. I’ve heard of this Omlyfans, on this internet thing, I don’t know much about those technologies, but my neighbor Mesud, the pilgrim, he was telling me about it... So I came here to see if she could be removed from this Omlyfans. First things first, it’s not Omlyfans, mister, it’s Only Fans, and I don’t know what’s wrong with the girl making some money. Well I was not gonna say anything and good on you, good on you, but you see, since that Omlyfans thing had started Mutavelija hasn’t had a single cup of coffee in the Sweet Spot, and the Sweet Spot has that local cake with liquefied sugar dripping off of it.

My honor is at stake here, before all this, people would repeat everything I said for a month, and now they don’t wanna hear about me... So if she could be removed from that Omlyfans, that would be great. We’ll remove her, it’s not a problem, we can’t do it right away, but we’ll remove her. I’ll show you who Ajnur Varijantaš is, the greatest influencer of all time, so ahead of his time that a hundred years will take for you to recognize it.

What’s up with you, Braca... Are you googling where to buy Kalashnikov? What’s wrong, Bracaroni, there are rumors you’re not feeling well, and I can see for myself that you’re not doing so well... What the fuck is wrong with you? So now you’re interested in me. I didn’t know you - the elite - had any interest in morons like me... But you just wait, all that will change... You act as if you don’t get it, you’re the one getting all the views with “Top notch, I swear”, raking in millions for nonsense, and I’m here with the real deal and real values, and no one gives a damn about me... Top notch, I swear... I didn’t know there was money to be made from this... What money? I didn’t know it worked that way... Where do you apply?

I’m afraid that the reason for your lack of success lies in your overly great desire to succeed, you are your own worst enemy and obstacle. You fancy yourself to be some kind of misunderstood influencer whose work will be recognized a hundred years from now on. Who’s to say what will happen in a hundred years? I would be better off dead than going through this. I’d rather be dead than alive. A box of condoms. - The most expensive condoms.

A box of condoms. - The good kind of condoms. Good day, what can I get you? Give us one hundred euros worth of painkillers. ell, folks, or should I say fake friends, all of you who turned out to be the biggest pussies in the world and who failed to recognize some things are now gonna be made to recognize who the king of influencing is. This is the last goodbye and farewell to everyone who finds themselves in this message... I’ve said what I had to say, Ajnur Varijantaš, Braca, by both his first and last name, will live forever like everything that appears on the internet... Finally, just so you know: first thing, Ajman Varijantaš is the biggest moron in the world, who pretends that we are brothers, a fake influencer who never understood the real essence of influencing. As for Bruca, Brada, Bruda, they have turned their backs on me and Maca,

that thing of theirs won’t last long. At last, a message for my parents, for my dad who always looked after himself first and, exclusively, he used his party to steal millions of marks that made the Varijantaš family what it is today, and his wife Sehka who records her videos and embarrasses me. That’s all I had to say... Goodbye, everyone. “Influencer throws himself off a building” “Ajnur Varijantaš is dominating the trending” “Damir Opštemjestaš: the victim of violence but the champion of truth” “Cyberbullying is becoming a serious issue in B&H”, “Nail H: I’m in roaming” “Do you know what is cyberbullying?” “What do the experts say?” Ajman, I haven’t been feeling well lately, it’s like he’s haunting me, I can’t sleep, I have nightmares, I don’t know if I’m going mad, Ajman. I know, babe, you’re under a lot of stress, relax… Ajman, you’re kind of nervous, I’ve never seen you like that... Are you going somewhere? I don’t know, love, some things are bothering me, I think I’ll go somewhere far away to be alone, maybe to Dalmatia, visit the Maldives maybe, wanna go with me? - Yes, just get me out of here.

Love, I have turned off the cameras so we could have some privacy. I’m bored with being in the spotlight 24/7, it’s killing me. Come, babe, let’s relax a bit… - Ajman. Stop it, you know we talked about that... - Let me see, I know where the principal keeps the condoms, he told me himself, here in the drawer... You just relax... I love you, babe, I love you... We’ll forget about Braca together babe.

I grew up with Braca yo, I knew him when he was this big, we hung out together yo, I taught him how to jerk off, whenever he was in trouble he called me, we were inseparable, like brothers... It’s always the best that go first, nothing will ever be the same without him, a part of me is simply missing now, it’s as if someone had severed my arm. I wish it had been me instead of him, if I could have chosen between the two of us - I would have shot myself in the head. He went down as the victim of capitalist greed...

He’s perhaps the only lad, besides Rusmir Jašarević - Jaguar, deserving of having the school named after him. Everyone knows about Jaguar, what a tough guy he was, a Chetnik once approached him from the back, emptied a whole clip in his head, not a scratch on that dude, the bullets ricocheted off of him, he went after Chetniks in nothing but his socks... Rusko was my commander, of the 316 knight brigade, he’s the only commander I respected because he had that thing between his legs, friend... Jaguar was the only one who would bring me sugar, flour, two chocolates whenever he saw me, he knew I had two kids... We had been playing on the playground when the shells started to fall, I’m telling this kid, get away, get away, when a shell starts falling toward me and Jaguar lands it on his chest like Bergkamp, that’s why they called him Jaguar cause he had the ability to stop the grenades in their track, man, the dude’s tough as nails.

Folks, I’ve seen Braca, we just hugged, kissed, and said hello to each other... I asked him what’s up, he said nothing much... What’s wrong with you, Brada, you moron, I know it’s as difficult for you as for everyone else, but you have to accept...

Why would I lie to you Brucaroni? - Braca is haunting me, Braca is haunting me. Save me. Guys, that really is Braca. How can it be? 400, 500, 600, 700,... I’ve talked with the municipal mayor, the school’s closing down, the media will say that we had legislative troubles, with the license and such, the state failed to support us... When the dust settles, we’ll all be on islands drinking cocktails. Looking forward to it, bro. If I give one more interview about this boy’s suicide, I’ll kill myself.

Where have you been folks, what’s up? What’s the matter, you didn’t expect this, really got you there, huh, professor? I knew I was brilliant, but only now do I know just how brilliant I am. Do you like my little scheme? Admit it, dolly, this will go down in history. Braca, we’re here crying over you... I’m not some fool who’ll kill himself because of a moron, get it... Would you look at my brother,

I mentioned you in the video, to promote you, your rating is skyrocketing. While we’re on the subject, I was looking at the views, we’re trending, my channel has 45 million subscribers and I’ve been doing some calculations. It’s only right that the school takes a percentage, ‘cause I’m an alright guy, but let’s see what we’ll do about my cut.

What do you mean by “your cut?” We need to reach an agreement about the money, you moron. I see you counting there, that’s my money as well. Oh, that... Well, see, brother, we were just figuring out how to pay your, I mean our, family, thinking that you are dead, but damn bro you’d never left your account number, you know... You just go on talking, I’m recording everything. This is getting published on Klix and N1, I’ll embarrass all of you.

Hello everyone, maybe you’re surprised by this video ‘cause you thought I had died falling off a building, but that was only a ruse... I’ll explain everything now. Would you look at my Braceloza, I swear, haven’t I told you he’s alive and not dead? There’s something really complicated happening here bro, and I would like to know what before I mess someone up. What’s wrong with you Brada, don’t you get it Bruda... It’s obvious that all this time we’ve been guinea pigs in an educational experiment, Braca was the first to catch on to this, after me. He decided to fake his suicide to get attention.

hile we were thinking he was dead and crying over him, he was alive, hiding, and waiting for the right moment. He wanted to make money from his fame, but when he came to collect the fruits of his labor, the establishment of this school showed him the door. Nah, bro, you’re overthinking it, it’s not that elaborate dude, some elements are right but it’s not that complicated bro, you need to work on your understanding. It was all part of the plan to crush the regional trending and take the money, which I succeeded in doing... but here’s the deal: the morons running the school won’t give me my money, they say I’m officially dead so they’ll take all the cash for themselves, and won’t give anything to me.

If you just knew the kind of malfeasance that goes around in that school, who’s standing behind it - they’re the biggest crooks. They have 24 hours to transfer my money or else I’ll kill myself for real this time. Bro, whatever it is, we’re wasting time, the guy will throw himself for real this time, and then what are you gonna do? Just don’t do it, Ajnur, why would you want to? What I’m hearing from all this is that someone has been messing around with me all this time, and now I’m gonna mess someone up. Has Mr. Nail arranged that plane for us? - I sent him a message. What did he say? - That he’s in roaming.

Please excuse me, I hope I’m not interrupting some emergency, about that Omlyfans... I run into this guy, Beriz Hadžiahmetpašić, he’s also a pilgrim from Bjelave, he says good on you Mutavelija, and I know that whenever he says that to me there’s something wrong. So I wanted to see about that Omlyfans, has it been taken care of? Look, bro, I’m afraid both you and I have bigger problems than Omlyfans right now. Where are you all going, little mice? I have a question from history for you: Do you know when the last school in B&H was closed and who closed it? Mom, I’ve told you to leave me alone, last time I didn’t jump but only acted as if I had, but I’ll jump for real this time, I don’t care about anything. Wait Ajnur, son, we have money, we’re doing alright, it could always be better, but we’re doing alright, thank God, your dad’s working, son...

Don’t do it Ajnur, why would you do that, you really scared me the first time, now I’m glad that you’re alive. Really, it’s like that now, huh? When I was no one important you acted as if you didn’t know me, hanging around that moron that pretended to be my brother. I also know what you’ve done and why you’re crying right now. You’re so naive, Braca. Money and fame are not worthy of losing your life over them. Bro, you should have seen me roughing up the professor, I was jumping all over his head dude, he was squealing, then I moved on to Kristijan, I beat them for you as well, I was slapping this guy around saying: this one’s from me and that one’s from Braca. C’mon Braca, buy your bro a sausage, I’m getting kinda hungry.

You weren’t there for me when I needed you the most... That’s a dumb thing to say honestly. Why should I be there for you, king? I don’t even have time for myself, how should I have it for you, dude? have obligations. I came here to tell you to stop being dumb because if you jump I swear that I’ll find you and mess you up real good in the afterlife, I’ll beat you up every day... Bruda, bro, we’re ready to catch him.

Bro, let’s all agree to take his tongue out when he falls, so he doesn’t choke, man. Look, Braca, the world we’re living in is such that it’s senseless to take it too seriously. C’mon, let’s end this and roll a joint.

Ajnur, give me your hand, c’mon, don’t be a moron. - Well, we could maybe go to a hookah bar. That’s what I’ve been saying, you monkey, a beautiful day, take a little walk, what, what’s wrong with that? Take a little break from everything. Nooo! - You’re so fuckin’ retarded. Hold onto me, you moron, don’t let me fall.

Here’s a hand, take the hand, c’mon. It’s all good. If he falls, we’ll get him. Esteemed viewers, there has been another violent scandal in the elementary school that has even lost its name now. The children of this school have been the victims of a two-month experiment that had the singular goal of raking in money. While the threads of deception are unraveling, with us here in the studio is not Nail Hadžimusadervisahmedbegović, who is absent because of scheduled obligations. We have Damir Opštemjestaš and the concerned parent Ibrahim Mutevelić Mutevelija.

Let’s start with you. What’s there to say, is there any message to send? Greetings to all viewers. As Mutavelija, I would like to condone the decision to close the school. I’m back to my old self again, people are repeating what I say, and the girl is, thank God, alive and well. I would like to take this opportunity to say hello to Hećim Hadžigavranmulahusejnović. I have to interrupt this brave man, who had been through a lot, to draw the attention of the public to this empty seat where we-all-know-who should have been sated, if he weren’t a coward. He didn’t have the courage to stand his ground because he knew what it would mean for him. I don’t have anything else to say, except I told you so, go figure it out.

Finally, let us see how the youngest members of our society are feeling about and experiencing all this. Accompanying video: the last day of school with no name or surname, just school. This is my bro, valedictorian, Braca, both I and this country are proud of him. We have survived another year of school, it wasn’t easy, I just wanna let these mice know that if they’re thinking about coming here again and acting smart, e’re armed to the teeth and ready to put up a fight this time around.

2022-10-24 23:04

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