Spongebob Villains: Dumb to Brilliant

Spongebob Villains: Dumb to Brilliant

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Spongebob has shown us a wide array of characters who range from good to bad and everything in between. In fact, there have been quite a few villains who showed up in Bikini Bottom since the show’s introduction, And if Patrick has shown us anything, it’s that some characters are motivated less by their morality and more by their wits… or lack-thereof. Which raises the question: Which of the bad guys in Bikini Bottom are the smartest? I’m Kyle with WickedBinge and this is Spongebob Villains: Dumb to Brilliant. Like with our evil to most evil ranking, we’re only going to be including villains who appeared in the show or the movies. And for anyone that appeared in the show, they had to have been the center of at least one episode.

All that said, let’s dive to the bottom of the sea to solve which Spongebob villain is the most brilliant. Today, we’ll be starting with the dumbest of characters and working way up the most brilliant... Taking our first spot as least intelligent, we have to have Doodlebob. Now, we aren’t ranking him low for the sole fact that he’s a mere doodle.

After all, he’s still sentient. But we do have to place him here for being driven by confusion and rage more than an actual motive. Doodlebob didn’t really understand why he was created by Spongebob and Patrick and didn’t see why he couldn’t have the same life as his doppleganger. Doodlebob wasn’t an incapable villain, able to catch Spongebob off guard more than a few times. But he was foiled with an everyday sheet of paper.

And judging by Doodlebob’s reaction when he got paper stuck to his foot, he wasn’t too surprised that it was his weakness. Poor planning on his part, but at least this tragic figure was able to get a happy ending. Next on our list is the Earworm. Burrowing into people’s heads and making them lose it by playing a tune over and over is a pretty easy way to live. The Earworrm was only defeated when it couldn’t stand the sound of Squidward’s playing and left on its own.

But that’s where the Earworm’s intellect comes into question. If you can’t stand the idea of Squidward’s playing and didn’t want to be around it… then why would he burrow into Squidward’s head to play that tune over and over? How is that logical? This next spot we're giving to Patrick. While Patrick isn't the smartest guy by a long shot, there are more than a few times that he becomes responsible for destruction and bullying of the residents of Bikini Bottom, often using a warped sense of logic to justify it. For example when he thought he was king, Patrick became obsessed with taking all he could from the other fish. Free food, house supplies, money...it didn't matter. And he felt okay to do it because Spongebob had told him that he could have whatever he wanted.

When Spongebob tried to correct the error, Patrick accused his friend of lying, knowing that the sponge wouldn't risk their friendship even if it meant the town hated them. Of course not every time Patrick became the antagonist was that extreme. For instance there were the episodes that showed Patrick trying to impress his parents and mastering the Karate chop by performing the perfect slice. As soon as the starfish thinkshe's excelling at something and is regarded as smart or talented in any way, he's more than happy to flaunt superiority over those around him. Luckily it's always short lived and tends to blow up in his face. Next up is the manager Carl.

The one placed in charge of the rebranding of the Krusty Krab being transformed into Krabby-O-Mondays. Carl gains a lower ranking on our list because though he did effectively intimidate Squidward and pass off subpar food to feed to the customers, Carl was really only going by what his bosses and handbook told him to. It’s nearly impossible to tell what ideas were completely Carl’s and which were regulation. After all, we’ve all known managers at some point that are rude and almost sadistic because they feel justified to act that way.

After all, they’re still technically following the rules, right? Our next spot goes to one of the foes of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, the Dirty Bubble. For the most part, the Dirty Bubble seems like a near invincible opponent, but he’s always brought down by what you’d expect: something sharp. We do give credit that the Dirty Bubble was able to clean up his act, and struggling with something that you’re having a hard time giving up is not a sign of weak intellect.

But we can’t place him higher on this list for the simple fact that he’s a bubble. A formidable villain to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy but he has a lot of weaknesses. Next on our list is the bully Flatts the Flounder.

His motives aren’t really clear, but we will say that his hate for Spongebob turned out to be way more self-destructive than expected. With Spongebob being… well...a sponge, Flatts wasn’t able to inflict the amount of hurt that he had wanted to. Rather than giving up or being friends with the sponge, Flatts spent day and night punching Spongebob over and over to the point that Flatts was exhausted. We applaud his determination but there was no way he was going to win this. We’re going to throw in Kevin C. Cucumber next.

Yes, he may be a well acclaimed jelly fisher and leader of The Jelly Spotters, but given how many times his cruel jokes directed towards Spongebob were reversed onto him really knocks his placement down. On top of that, his own cruelty is what got his band of Jelly Spotters to turn on him in the end, leaving him with nothing. Speaking of bullies, next we have King Neptune’s son, Triton.

It’s not difficult to trick Patrick or Spongebob, so we can’t give Triton a high spot for being able to convince them to free him so he could see his father. But we aren’t going to place Triton lower. We saw through flashbacks that the god was more than capable of creating devastationor relief to whoever he chose. It’s actually a lucky thing that he kept his attacks on the fish of Bikini Bottom relatively simple, just going around zapping everyone.

Next up we have the Tattletale Strangler. Now, if Spongebob and the rest of the people around him, including the cops, weren’t so easily fooled then they would have seen through his disguise. While we can give some credit that he implemented the old saying of “keeping your enemies close” we also have to wonder why he wasn’t able to follow through on his plan to take out Spongebob earlier. We don’t wish any harm on our favorite yellow sponge, but he had more than a few chances to get his revenge and instead he just wound up back in prison after being annoyed by Spongebob to the point that he couldn’t take it anymore. We’re going to give our next spot to Madame Hagfish. We’re giving her a decently placed spot since her method of handling things was simple yet effective.

She had been introduced as an inconvenient customer at worst, showing up at every employee's favorite time: right when the doors are being locked for closing. After she was unable to pay for her meal, she was sent away and Spongebob made an effort to brighten her day by offering her a couple of free Krabby Patties. But of course, Mr Krabs finds out and puts a stop to it. Annoyed with how cheap the crustacean is, Madame Hagfish places a curse on the Krusty Krab. Only, the curse that had Krabs begging for forgiveness wound up being nothing more than a simple sign that was posted stating that the restaurant was closed.

It may have not been the most convoluted plan but, hey, it worked. And you can't really argue with results. Taking the next spot we have to include Squidward’s rival, Squiliam Fancyson.

Now there are a lot of theories surrounding Squilliam that we will likely unpack at some point, but we aren't ranking him low over the theory that he may be faking his fortune. Squilliam has a habit of turning up anytime Squidward is feeling especially down about himself and always has a way of making things more stressful. He sets Squidward up to host at a fancy restaurant, take over for his band for the Bubble Bowl, and shoves in Squidward’s face how charitable he is by flaunting his statue.

Then he shows up everytime, despite clawing he was too busy, just to laugh in his old rival's face. They aren't exactly well thought out plans and sometimes Squidward gets lucky and is able to come out on top. But we have to point out that Squilliam is pretty good about making Squidward even more self-conscious at his shortcomings and is often able to get what he wanted: a good laugh at the expense of someone else.

Next on our list is one of Plankton’s experiments, PlanKrab. Cloned with both Plankton and Mr Krab’s DNA, PlanKrab was able to take over and combine both the Chum Bucket and the Krusty Krab. Though he was efficient and had Plankton’s genius, thetactic he used was pretty simple: using an influential handshake to persuade others to see his way. That’s not a method that others would expect would be used by an antagonist, but it got Plankrab what he wanted: a successful business, the Krabby Patty formula, and power over the two people who made up his DNA.

Though it was revealed that Plankrab was guilty of a lot of illegal acts when it came to taking over the two restaurants, he was able to rise to a position of authority very quickly and with little effort. As the old saying goes, work smarter, not harder. Next is the meteorologist Gale Doppler. Driven to keep his career above water- so to speak- he came up with a pretty clever plan to control the weather so his predictions stayed accurate.

Now, holding a sentient cloud hostage with a leafblower before nearly killing it wasn’t the prettiest way to get what he wanted, but it worked for a while. Right up until he was punished by the parents of the child he basically tortured. Another villain from the first film, we have The Cyclops.

While we can’t say that the Cyclops is the most brilliant, they did make it so that many viewers did believe they would bring about the end to Spongebob and Patrick. And with a simple lamp of all things. But we have to question how smart a person is that insists on living their life in a diving outfit. And an outdated one at that. Next on our list is the sour Mrs Grisslepuss, or Miss Priss for short. Leader of the T.U.O.O.F.A.T.T.A.F.A.D, The United Organization

of Fish Against Things that are Fun and Delicious, she decides that Krabby Patties are too enjoyable and need to be outlawed. How she goes about this is the main reason she was placed higher on this list. Mrs Grisslepuss was shown to be married to an officer in town. And due to this relationship, she was able to order the Krusty Krab’s closure. While that was pretty underhanded, it was tough to argue with how effective that was. Next on our list we have Planktonamor.

Like Mrs Grisslepuss, he used his power over the people around him to get his way. Utilizing a giant jellyfish, he was able to gain land, money and anything else he desired. The only reason we can’t place him higher was because of his confidence being his downfall.

He was so sure that he was unstoppable that he took his time getting rid of his enemies and never made any sort of backup plan should his jellyfish turn against him. Next on our list we’re ranking two ghostly beings together: Lord Poltergeist and the Flying Dutchman. Both thrive on tricking and scaring the people of Bikini Bottom.

While Lord Poltergeist was only shown in one episode, tricking Patick and Spongebob into thinking that he took their souls, the Flying Dutchman was far more frequent. He was often more than happy to fulfill the wishes of those that summoned him, alreadyfortelling how the situation would play out such as when he made bets with Spongebob or Mr Krabs. Since both use the same methods of ghostly powers and for basically the same reasons, it was hard to say who would come out on top as who was the smartest should they be pitted against one another. Next on our list is Mrs. Puff. It’s hard to believe this sweet woman could ever be more than a patient teacher, as she portrays herself to the rest of Bikini Bottom. But whenever Spongebob is involved, she snaps.

It’s hard to blame her since Spongebob’s antics have led to her being in countless car wrecks, numerous hospital stays, dozens of injuries and even a few prison sentences and temporary unemployment. There are plenty of times that Mrs Puff showed to be a smart woman, able to brainstorm problems and was close to helping Spongebob pass the class on more than a few occasions. But we can’t place her higher on this list since when she is trying to cause Spongebob harm or be free of him, her impatience often led to her not thinking things out and being incredibly impulsive, which led to her often getting hurt instead of doing what she set out to do. Taking our next spot is the infamous Bubble Bass. We give this guy some credit: it was not expected to have him simply hide the pickles under his tongue without being caught. And being able to do it again and again to shake Spongebob’s confidence and make the customers of the Krusty Krab doubt him was impressive.

But in the end, Bubble Bass got cocky and was caught just because Spongebob was able to see the pickles while Bubble Bass was laughing at him. Next is one of Plankton’s many ancestors, Dead-Eye Plankton. Taking the role of an old Western thug, he used his influence to make sure those around Bikini Gulch in order to get what he wanted. His main motivation was to take everything he could from the people, charging them for property with ridiculous rates and demands. But unlike Plankton or Planktonamor, Dead-Eye didn’t really have magical abilities or robots. He relied on the fear he once instilled into the community to intimate them.

And in the end, he was defeated just because his small stature made him easy to step on. Next from the first movie we have the bounty hunter Dennis. While Dennis was ultimately unsuccessful in accomplishing the job he was hired for, we have to give some credit to his skills. During the film, we see him being able to track down Spongebob and Patrick with little evidence to go off of, including the soapy bubble mixture just laying on the ground by the now ruined bar. There’s no doubting his abilities as a bounty hunter.

Our next spot goes to the main antagonist of the second movie, Burger Beard. Burger Beard was able to use both magic and logic to gain the Krabby Patty formula in order tosell more food on land. Not only did he steal what Plankton had tried and failed numerous times, but he was able to re-write the stories of our favorite residents of Bikini Bottom. In the end, Burger Beard was done in with the very method he had used, but we have to give him credit for being able to fight off Spongebob and the others using his Burgermobile as a weapon. Our next listing goes to Manray. One of the most well-known foes to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, Manray was able to have far more common sense than many of the other residents of the underwater city.

There are a few times that Manray was able to be patient and let his plan play out, tricking Spongebob and Patrick into freeing him by claiming he was determined to be a good citizen. When Manray is seen around Bikini Bottom, he’s seen being civil to various people at the laundromat and holds down a regular job. That may not seem exciting, but it shows that Manray is a logical enough person to know when to fight and create chaos and when to behave so he doesn’t get caught up in any other shenanigans that may be happening. His relationship with the many fish around town got him to avoid suspicion on more than one occasion. Next on our list is the diabolical genius Plankton.

We of course have to give him a higher rank due to his many methods of gaining the Krabby Patty secret formula. Plankton was able to make countless robots, form a lot of different disguises, and gained the trust of Krab’s most trusted employee Spongebob. Unfortunately for Plankton, none of these plans lasted. Even his most successful attempts, including the Chum slaves and using the Krabby Patty grease, led to Plankton having the rug pulled out from under his feet.

The bronze medal we’re giving to Mr Krabs. What can we say about Mr Krabs? He runs a successful business and his Krabby Patties made him famous among the underwater community. But he’s also incredibly shady. He’s guilty of numerous violations in the workplace, cruel treatment to his employees, graverobbing, attempted murder, theft, holding people hostage… And that’s just skimming the surface.

We had to give him a high spot because Mr Krabs is almost always able to walk away from a situation because of his success as the owner of the Krusty Krab. People always seem willing to forgive him, which leads to him not really needing a backup plan when he is caught doing something illegal. Taking the silver medal of most brilliant, we’re giving it to The Jellyons.

These creatures were efficient and downright scary. Had Sandy and Spongebob not been able to figure out their weakness to mayo, these things would have not only taken over Bikini Bottom, but all of the surrounding areas. They’re able to blend in and gather food with little effort, just relying on others letting their guards down long enough to be copied andhaving the real person stowed away to be devoured later.

Not to mention disguising their offspring as something cute and unassuming is a clever tactic, knowing that the residents would be weak to the idea of having a cute jellyfish pet. Taking the gold medal as the most brilliant villain is Master Udon. While trying to use people's weaknesses to sell timeshares, effectively holding them hostage until they agree to buy, scummy we can't argue how well it worked.

Even after Spongebob and Sandy were able to leave the fake Karate Island without being weighed down with a timeshare, Udon went on to trick Squidward and no doubt many others by manipulating his island setup to cater whatever his client wanted. And it’s hard to compete with a villain that avoided being caught. But what do you think? Who do you think the most brilliant villain in Bikini Bottom is? Let us know in the comment section.

Don't forget to hit that notification bell and binge our Good-to-Evil playlist. Where we break down the morality of the characters in your favorite cartoons, shows and movies. But most importantly, stay wicked!

2021-05-15 09:01

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