Side Husselen no. 5 - Lessons from 2018
Okay. But like how, do people film. Beauty. Videos. I'm. Trying to. Sort. Of figure it out not, really I mean it's very close, to. My, face but I have a mirror just. Here. Below. And, trying. To think you know if I if, I were to have like a makeup, brush this is not a joint by the way it's a blender, uh. Like. Would that how. Do how, do people, do this I have. No, idea. But you, know we're just trying to who, does. Some strange things to my coloring depending. On where I'm moving but I'm just trying to figure out like if I am. Here, and I have a makeup brush if. I could do. This and like where. The focal. Range is really. Just. Quite trying to figure out how. To beauty video I, feel like there's lots of videos on like lighting setups or people's Beauty. Desk but no one really shows like Mir. Vs., camera, angle. Situation. And, I think everyone has those and lenses that will, automatically. Zoom in, on, you like when you move. In. And out. But. You know I don't I don't know how to do that guys cuz, oh, no. The, battery died. You. I. Would. Never snack. Ours. Wouldn't do it hello, there and welcome back to the closet historian, today we have a signed hustling update sort of video for you I'm. Just gonna be going over some things, about 2018. A little 2018. Review if you will and then we'll talk about goals, for 2019, in the. Next side hustle and video which will be coming very shortly. These were my um, goals. For, this week and, we're. Here on on, Wednesday, and sadly. Well, it does say go see a movie on here today, and I did do that but. Other than that. We're. Not doing. Well on this week's schedule and I think that's partially just because after those I tried. Doing that two weeks of videos challenge which thank you guys so much for coming. Along on that ride but, I didn't quite make, it to 14, videos like, I had hoped but I think I still got a lot, of fun thing videos like fun things up here on the channel but I did manage, to burn. Myself out a little bit of course because naturally. At the end of the year I think you're supposed to be kind of relaxing, and taking a break and enjoying the holidays and instead, I set myself a two-week video challenge to try and make a video everyday or, put up a video every day because. I'm what. Kind of crazy but. You, know that's to, be expected if, you, know my pattern which you guys probably, don't yet but well I'll, get into that sometime and we'll, talk a little bit about perfectionism. Today, because, it's. Something I need to I need to work on but today we're just going to wrap up 2018, a little bit talk about how each of my side hustle and side.
Hustles Here at the end of the, year are wrapping up or a little, review, at the end of the year of each of my side hustling, hustling. Side hustles I can't talk you guys I can't talk anymore, I've, lost the ability to speak I thought, doing, more videos would help with, this, and instead I just fumble, even more now because I'm a little bit out of, it honestly. So. Again an update on the various side hustles here at the end of 2018, again. The blog, we. You. Know it's it's not great, news looking. At the in a sign hustling context it's not great news this. Is what the graph, of the year looks like for the blog so basically the. Viewership has stayed the same through, all of 2018, I would say about the same there's, a couple of like random days where one posted really well but nothing, spectacular usually, those are because someone, has we like. Shared the post on Facebook, and I'm actually no longer on Facebook I've deactivated my Facebook and, I'm sure my page for causing a story is still up on Facebook but I'm just not using it right now I feel. Like it wasn't adding anything to my life, or even that. Much to my quote unquote business so I'm, not currently using Facebook but, that. Was actually the best place for my blog but. It just wasn't enough to actually warrant. Me staying so the. Blog stats for the year it stayed the same and they're, not great and it's not growing so again. This, is not an area I should be putting much time into but I feel obligated to, keep blogging because it, has been such a constant in my life for the last several, years and I feel proud of having kept, up with that consistency, or. Having stuck with it so it's hard for me to not blog but I probably will go down to one or two posts like, a a week in this, year I haven't. Exactly set those goals in place yet so we'll talk about those later in. The next video when I'm setting goals this is just a review and basically the review is nothing. Has changed the. Blog is well. Not. Instagram, you know and as. Far as sowing, goes or creating my own sewing patterns which is the ultimate goal here in this sector. Of the side hustle again. I have no progress on this front but. I do want, to make a concrete, plan, for, putting, things. Into place things into action for doing, this in 2019. And I also want to work on sharing, my selling knowledge more here online I, kind. Of doing the last couple of sewing videos was a little bit of an experiment to see how if. That content is well received here on YouTube and so far it. Definitely does a lot worse than the other things I put up like let's say a haul video does it all like three. Or four times better. Than a sewing like, tutorial, or video so far that's, the general vibe I'm getting but. That doesn't mean necessarily I won't do them because I do think it is important and for those of you who are interested sewing I would like to share that information with you so just because, they don't do as well as everything else it's. Just something to be aware of for me when, I'm scheduling things in the future so sewing. It's an interesting interesting. Gray area again now as for you. - here in 2018, I did get like, 6000 plus subscribers. This year over the year which is really awesome so thank you for all of you who signed up to see more and hear me ramble, on and system, and incessantly, like, I'm doing right, now in fact but, I really do appreciate you guys subscribing to the channel and kind of clicking. That button says to me that you want to see more, of the things I make and that, does mean a ton to me and it's kind of crazy for me to think that 6000, people maybe some of them were BOTS hit, that button this year that's something I don't think I would ever I can't, imagine losing sight of it must be strange to have millions, of people have hit that button I don't, know if you can really conceptualize, that but like for me I imagine like 6,000 people in a room would, be a large room and I would be very nurse to speak to all of you so it's you.
Know It kind of helps, me contextualized why sometimes I'm nervous talking to you even in just in a video but my goal for this year was to hit 10,000, subscribers and we are around, 8,000. Nearing 9,000, here on the channel so thank you guys again so, so much for helping me out with that, goal whether you meant to or not it's. It seems, strange to you boil everything down to numbers but of course numbers, are what matter when. It comes down to like you. Know analytics, and boring businessí stuff but I really, I just want, to learn how to share. The things I know with, people and the best way I can and I feel like learning. To do YouTube videos and learning how. Best to get that information across to people is. Interesting. Is an interesting challenge and so it's been fun to learn more about how to do that more about how to do video editing and all kinds of stuff and I feel like I am a improve my skills so YouTube. Was really fun, and something. I did a lot better at this year than I did the year before so I'm, looking, forward to doing more YouTube content in the future and, as far as writing goes I I do have some things I should be probably. Allow. Myself to be proud of this year which is that I wrote. An entire book that, I really. Do love as. Previously discussed here on this series. I I really like, the, book I wrote this year so that's good, again, I don't I try not to feel bad about liking it because like if anyone should it's me so. I wrote a book this year. Edit it a million times and I got beta reader feedback and edited some more and in, my opinion that's ready to go and, out, into the world but, I will have to still try and get an A literary, agent and publisher. And all that jazz but I wrote a book this year so that's that's, quite cool I also, wrote another, like. Sixty thousand words of another book and I've. Been having a really good time with that and I'm looking forward so so. Looking forward to working on that into, 2019 as well and. Then I did. Make, the leap and finally sent my first few query letters. The only response. I've gotten from sending those first, letters out is to get those two ejections, I talked about my last video but. I still have just not heard from the, other people that I sent. Query letters to whether. That is because they are just not interested or because they haven't gotten to my letter yet or whatever I don't really know but, it would be nice to get some I think not. That I want to you know spoiler. Alert for goals but I think my goal would be to get personalized, rejections, that, would be a step, forward in this it's. Interesting to consider rejections, likes different kinds of rejection to step forward but I definitely, would like to be. Rejected. More personally, this year which. Is gonna be painful but oh well we'll see I just I'm proud of myself for making the leap and actually sending those letters and putting. The. Intention, out there it's, something I need to do more of this year so yeah. And, I am of course I'm, trying to be proud of myself for having written a book and a half last year I like. To say. That I accomplished. Nothing it's. One of the problems. In my brain that I I think that I haven't gotten anywhere and I haven't done. Anything because the one thing I want the most like. Moving out and being financially independent I haven't achieved and therefore nothing, else can, compete. With that but I the. Book is the one thing that I allow, myself to be proud of so can. I hold on to what you can you know when, I'm looking back over the past year definitely the biggest thing I learned was that when, my brain says hey you need to write today I need. To give, in to that because when I if. I have a strong impulse to like get writing done like, in the morning and it's a day where I can technically. Set my own schedule that, day if I, have other things planned if I was planning on making a video planning, I'm blogging planning, on whatever. Usually. If I I, will. Tell myself no, you can't, do any writing today you have to get your other things that you have planned done and that's like good. In some ways to be disciplined and like try and stick to your schedule even though the. Muse or whatever has. You know contacted, you and said please write today but. Usually I I. Feel, like on the days when I say okay. I'm gonna stick to my schedule stick to my plan I can't write today I won't, even end up getting the video or blog post or whatever else done because I'll be so distracted, by having wanted, to write and like some ideas still swirling around but like I can like, I'm feel the. Ideas, and like the writing juices.
Like, Evaporating. From my brain and not being used and so like all day I'm distracted, by like the fact that I should have chosen to write and so, I get neither writing, nor, the, other things on my schedule done so the, biggest lesson is like if I wake up and I need to write that day I need to put, everything else aside and, write that day which. Is very hard, because I want to get the other things done I want to make, videos for you guys I want to do blog posts I want to so I wanted. To other things get laundry done but, I think, like, when I was at my best this year when I was writing like in the thick of writing what, I did was say that's. All that matters and let myself give in to the impulse to write instead of anything else and that's, how I wrote a book this year that I'm really proud of and so I need to give in to that impulse more so that's definitely something I have learned in 2018, and that, I want to continue to, do into 2019, and do even better at not, punishing, myself for not getting other tests done and getting. Writing too instead and focusing on writing I think. That, is, what makes me happiest, is writing and so giving. In to the desire to write right. Now that I don't really have that many there's. Not many reasons for me not to do that only. Make believe ones that I make up myself so there's not really. Negative. Thing. Like there's no a negative, impact of me actually taking, the time to sit and write other than not. Getting other creative, side hustle things done, which, is technically. Bad but only in. My own head so. Just. Allowing. Myself the time to write something, I both learned and need, to work on from 2018, now something I failed, to really. Work. On or fail to. Overcome in 2018, was my perfectionism, which. Is something I have struggled with for a long time and I think I mean, when I was younger it was much more physically. Based I was, I had trouble with self-esteem and I would much. Was much more holding myself to an imagined perfection, version. Or perfect version of myself and that version like was a physical thing like, I, imagined. This perfect, thin, version. Of me that I could be if I just could, get my act together if I could just be disciplined, then, I could be this like perfect and I never liked it put someone else in this place like when, it came to any of my self-esteem issues. It was always more. Like. The imagined, version, of a perfect version of me like what would i look like if i were a size 4 and therefore, beautiful. And perfect, it, was much less like putting. A victoria supermodel, or someone else in that slot, that I wanted to look like I wanted to look like the imagined, perfect. Version of me that. Was what taunted, me back when I had issues with like body image and that, was what I was holding myself to that was the idea of perfection that I was trying to achieve, luckily. I broke. Out of that place and we are I do want to make a video kind of about that process. Or like experience, as well sometime because. I am really glad that I'm no longer in that place where I am, hating myself over my body and my physical appearance because, like being, able to move beyond that has, meant I could you, know torture, myself about being not perfect in other areas which, is what I'm trying to say here is that basically that idea. Of being, perfect, just, migrated, from something. Physical into something more like, mental or work based where now I feel like if I'm not perfectly, productive, all the time or I'm. Not I'm not cheating, perfection, in my work that, is where I'm allowed to beat myself up and so that's something I need to work on in 2019, and have learned again, is, still hanging around that's, one of the lessons from 2018 that I definitely still do have.
Problems With negative self-talk especially. When it comes to like not meeting goals. Which. May or may not be realistic, for. My work, mostly. And. I think that is tied into like, wishing. Still not being financially independent at my age and like still, wishing. Like up for that above anything else and so anything anytime I. Don't hit my goals or don't or like waste any time which, I would consider relaxing. And sleeping and things like that wasting, time it's, not getting me towards that goal of financial independence and I hate that it's money, that's driving me in that way or at least driving me to be negative, on myself in that way but it is, so. I just something. To work on moving forward and something I definitely noticed about myself in 2018 is that I still I'm, definitely driving for this level. Of perfection, that it's. Probably not possible and it's definitely not something I need to be beating myself up for because like the world will beat you down kids. You. Don't need to beat yourself down. Too so, if, you have problems with negative self-talk I really hope that you can kind of confront those and. Realize that like the only like, your best friend you're gonna be with forever is you and so like you're mean to you like you would never say it's, so true like that what they say like you would never say these things to a friend and. Like you would never allow anyone else to say them to your friends like why do you allow yourself to say them to yourself and so you just got him cut, it out but it's not easy so something else for me to work on moving. Forward here I'll, link a video below from rosianna halse rojas about, the sort of self induced burnout, that she has experienced, and I think, I related to that video super, hardcore everything, she said I was like yes, me. Or like, it conversely, also I feel, personally attacked by this because, I agree with everything you're saying but I'll link that video below because I really. Resonated with a lot of what she was saying because in. 2018. I still struggled with a lot of making. Myself stressed, over deadlines, and goals that I had set myself that were probably unrealistic to start with so. I was making myself extremely, stressed out, but. My boss was stressing me out but I was my boss so it's kind of an odd thing to do to yourself that if, you were working for yourself to. Put, that much pressure on you as an employee it's, a little bit rude, and something I guess probably all self-employed people have to either deal. With like one side of this where they're, quote-unquote boss is working, the too hard or not hard enough, I think the balance for self-employment is always. Like. A teeter-totter of, needing. To be needin to be figured out in balance so that's, definitely something I have not worked out and I don't even make many money for myself yet so goodness. I really need to work that one out before I start getting even, more numbers involved I wrote, a blog post about the recently where I listed some of the like true facts about how my brain tends to work which are, things like that I think if I'm not being visibly productive, like, all the time that I am viewed by others as lazy and a waste of resources which. Check. That's like a millennial check checkmark, are you a millennial you probably feel this, way sometimes and, I think that like unless, I am indeed working constantly on my various site hustles that I indeed. Should be considered. A lazy, waste of space so that's, kind of a causation. Situation, going on there check I think that if I take or need a break that I must not really want. It enough, like if you really want it you'll work hard and like, I need, I think my brain needs there to be a comma, until. You like burn out or until you need a rest which also helps like I I I, just, see that if I'm not constantly. Working very hard I need to either a feel guilty about that or be I must not want it enough but. It turns out like rest and brakes and recharging, are probably important especially in creative work to I don't. Know I still struggle with this one for sure check I do not give myself leeway, or praise I do not celebrate any of my successes or any, of my accomplishments, or growth like.
I I see, it all as not enough for. Sure like you, wrote a book this year that's not enough you need to get it published you you, know help you groove some of your YouTube channel this year well it's not enough to actually help. With your pay your student loan so it's not enough, nothing. Is ever enough and I worry that even if I were to reach the levels of success that, are my goals now that, it still won't be enough then and that nothing will ever be enough and so I should. Nip this sort of thinking in the bud now before. I mean, I even, achieve the, levels of success that, I hopefully, want. I want to get to but if, it's never gonna be enough then then, there's some things wrong with me as opposed to the, goals in general so that's, something I will have to look into possibly, need to hire a professional to. Help me out with now. Because I have been really quite busy making. Lots, of videos recently instead, of thinking. Through 2018. And looking towards 2019, and actually setting any goals or really. Reviewing my, progress or what kind, of things I want to set in place for this next year, I haven't really done a lot of goal setting or. Stratagem. Or idea building, or anything like that yet. So that is not gonna be in this video that will be in the, next site hustling video which will be my 2019, goals hopefully, I will. Have that video up soon because you know it is January, you want to have those sort of goal, setting resolution. Sort of things kind, of set in place here at the beginning of the year so I will try and get that one up soon for you not that you are waiting for my goals but it's important for me in some ways to be diary diary. Inge diary. Ting, vlogging. Vlogging this, sort, of experience and I, think it helps me to like release these. Ideas into, the ether even, if I am just talking to myself even though I know you guys are here so thank you. It. Helps me to have these on paper as it were or like in in, stone on youtube, to kind, of force me into doing things that actually did work quite well when, I told myself that I was going to query in the next side hustling well, I had, to I had to send out queries otherwise, I was, gonna have to go back on what I said in that video so sometimes. It's good to release, things into the universe. To. Help you get them done so hopefully, that will work again and I will have that 2019, goals, video out for you guys soon thank you guys as, always for sticking around in for coming with me on this side hustle and journey hopefully we will have more to report soon and. Hopefully we'll have lots of nice 2019, goals that we can reach this year all, together here on site hustling and thank. You for sticking around I'll see you again real, soon. You.