lots of painting and end of the year insecurities
I need. To whatever effort. But. Indeed I do you guys. It's. So classic realtor nexium Corsica be done in come on. Notice. On under capital. Murder. Oh. Hi. You guys how are you good, morning today's. Monday no, one is, at. The studio whatsoever, not only my studio, but it feels like I'm the only human being today. Only, because it's December 23rd, and I guess everybody's. Chillaxing. I on. The other hand wanted, to come to a studio because, it's so quiet and nice and today, I decided, that, I, wanna paint. I'm. A very insecure artist, as, you can tell and. I. Saw. All of these very inspiring, tweets. Of people. Saying, like my best illustration, of 2019. And I realized, that even though this year I have done so many studies and. Sketches. I haven't, done lots. Of. Painted. Illustrations. This, year I wanted to focus on as, you guys know facial. Expressions, noses. Drawing. People. With. More. Ethnicities. And like body, types and stuff like that so, all of the work that I've done all, my body of work of 2019, I was. More based, on sketches, than, finished. Illustrations. So, today I wanted. To. Risk. Myself, how, do you say that and I'm. Going to paint. A very. Complex. Illustration. I hate. Buildings. I hate. Buildings. I hate, landscapes. I mean, hate is such a strong word, it's something oh god how can I describe, this I am very bad at painting. And drawing landscapes this. Is why I have been avoiding them for so long because I can't, bear the. Fact of failing. But. Anyway, before. The year ends, I wanted. To. Face. My fears I'm, slapping. My camera I'm sorry I wanted, to face my fears and draw, a, landscape, so I found. Picture. That took a while, back, near Times. Square and I'm going to draw that picture or like the illustrated, version of the picture and yesterday. I was doing kind. Of like. How. Can you say that like a study, of the sketch and I, really, like. The feeling of this sketch even though it's just a sketch I love how undone it is I'm really, nervous my love's I know the drawing is going to suck. Am. I setting myself for failure it's not that I'm saying yes, I am I am setting myself for failure I feel, like a huge pressure that I have to perform well in front of you guys because I want to impress you I want, to impress myself, but. At the same time I, feel, like I don't leave room for. Experiment. Like to experiment and, to, fail or, just. Like, nod. Be. Mind. Like I said. A lot of pressure on the results and not, so much on the process, so, right now even, though I am going to fill myself and you're going to see the results, and judge me Agathe, I am. Trying to be more, kinder, to. Myself and, be like whatever. It is it. Will be you, know. So. That's that's. What I'm going to do today please. Hold my hand because. I'm scared. The other treatment. Okay, guys I'm done with lunch and, all. Of this is already dry, I added a few details, with white but. Now I'm ready to outline. This method. Also. I just baked this. Mug I probably, already told you with. Inserts, but I'm, my. Friends and I are organizing, the Secret Santa and I got my friend's mom I don't, know her that well but I know she is in love with her grandson. So I decided to do this. Mug for her and you're supposed to bake. The. Mug in order to set the painting for a half an hour that's. 300. Fahrenheit. And, I. Am so happy the glaze like the mug didn't. Break in the oven I'm, so happy, anyway I am, going to draw. This now I'm, running out of battery so maybe I will wait to get home to charge, the battery and then, I will show you the final result that's so excited, hip. Are, you guys good morning today. Sunday. My. Hair, we're. On our way to the. Studio because, I have to do my. Monthly, livestream. With, my patrons and. I. Also have to finish, a couple of things before going. On. Holiday. I'm, so happy you guys. Usually. Generate. But. Like the first weeks, of January is the time where and I take, time. Off and, this. Time a, comedy. About saying this we're, going to Tokyo. We. Went to Tokyo for. The first time in. 2016. I guess let me see if I look semi decent no. We. Went to Tokyo first, time back, in 2016. And when, we went we, thought okay this is it we're definitely like. There's no chance in. Hell we, can go again. Because. I don't know we we thought it was like a once-in-a-lifetime, time, experience. And. Now. We're going again and, I'm so happy we. Have been saving, for this trip for a while so. I can't believe it's actually happening this, Tuesday. So.
Yeah, That. Means obviously, that. We have two, full days to get, ready for the trip like, to pack I, need. To dye my hair a couple of you guys asked me Fran. What happen with your pink hair I've. Been waiting. To. Be as close, as the trip as possible so I can dye my hair pink. Because, the, crappy. Thing the. Sad thing about. Fantasy. Hair colors. Or like weird. Hair colors is that they fade super, quickly, so. I. Wanted, to wait as. Close as possible to the trip so I can have pink. Hair. Like, the longest, time I don't I can't I can't race I I wanted, to have pink. Hair as much as possible in my Japan, trip yeah, I said it correctly yes, okay. So today. I also want to finish this. Baby yet rough you guys remember but I started painting this. Obviously, we can see it this wash painting. Last. Week I mean this week and I, would really would, like to finish it because, even. Though I'm super scared of, out loudly outlining, it I think. It's a really nice exercise, and, I usually don't do this. Type of like landscape. Illustrations. On my sketchbook. So, I'm really, both. Excited, and terrified it's. So silly to be terrified at a sketch. Like I never stray here anyway. So. Yeah now I'm on, my way to studio and. I'm also I stole, one, of the tote. Bags that I had for sale but. Nice humans, I, I. Stole. Them. Because. It was I I, don't know if you can see but it's a bag that had like a few printing, issues. And, I, thought no one was going to buy this, bag so I'm like I might as well just have it for me and keep it so. I did by, the way guys I changed my camera I don't know if you can tell it, is the first time I actually have, a flip, screen I already told you that I've, been using the same camera the Canon EOS m. Since. 2011, and this is the first time in, a decade in, which I have a new camera. I. Love, my old camera by the way I just change it because I. Never. Had a flip screen I'm like I wonder what it feels like to her flip screen, so. Yeah I hope you guys like it Tumi's, really come from now to record. If I'm honest, it. Used to be a painting in, ds2. Film. Beforehand. So. Now I think I, can't, wait to try it in Tokyo and I'm, so excited about Tokyo, I feel like if. I can get like we. Intimate. And vulnerable, with you guys sometimes. I feel like I don't deserve to go to Tokyo, I mean you can see all of my clothes and imperfections, in here that's fine I, feel. Like I don't deserve to go I mean it's weird because I feel like it's, such a like amazing, trip and I can't believe when I'm doing again, but. Sometimes I feel like I, haven't. Worked hard enough in order to serve a trip like that but, then I remember, all. Of the times that I felt burned out during. 2019. And I'm, like of course I deserve this trip but anyway I feel like I, know, I'm silly and I'm not supposed to feel like that but, I do every. Once in a while. So. Yeah I feel like, I, have impostor syndrome in. An all-time high this. Past couple of weeks especially. Surrounding. My work and what I have done this year, and. Sometimes. I feel like I'm not a little straighter because. Even. Though I'm illustrating a, lot and I'm doing lots of. Sketch. Studies, I feel like I haven't done like a big, illustration. Project this year I haven't I didn't, do a book this year I didn't do, a, scene or like. A graphic novel or a comic, so. I feel like should, I be calling myself an illustrator, or should I be I don't, know it's, what I said the other day how, I feel, like I. Saw. All of this amazing artist doing like my best work in 2018. And all of those are, super. Finished, and amazing, detail, full-color. Illustrators. And I'm like I didn't do any of those things this year I did, lots of studies, so if, I can be kinder, and nicer to myself this, year I spend, most of the time making. Studies, like studying. Body. Shapes and body types and. Making. Sure that I'm more, inclusive, in my illustrations, trying to be more.
I Don't. Know, trying. I guess. The word is trying to, draw. More ethnicities, so what. I'm trying to say you guys is I'm trying to be not so dismissive on the work that I've done this year and even though it doesn't look like a really finished, put. Together a. Full-color. Detailed illustration. It is still a super. Nice. Something. Valuable to do sketches, to, study, to perfect yourself so if you don't have any finished illustrations. For. This end of the year don't feel bad because it's still valuable I still. Good. It's still something, like I'm so proud of the things that I achieved this year illustration. Wise so. Yeah. We'll. Still love ourselves anyway. Let's, go to Sudha now. Yeah. Let's. Go.