Latino Men Try Therapy For The First Time
My name's Eli my name is curly I am got the end a little bit we are men, doing therapy for the first time I. Don't. Know anything about therapy, I still, don't understand, the concept, of it I'm here to learn more about it I never. Thought, I needed therapy I think, as a, man and also as a Latin man it's not something talked about it's seen as weakness but I've never done it because, in, my. Family we, were always told, that, therapy. And. You. Know anything that had to do with it was very much like a white American. Thing that they knows really do we do not really, talk about mental health any thought, of needing, help kind. Of shows just a crack and who you are as a man they, always wanted us to figure, it out for ourselves because, they were like we did it why. Can't you be honest with true I'm walking in here with a clear mind but at the same time I want to learn more about it is this truly, something that benefits people I'm hoping that this experience will, not, only help other men to feel more comfortable with the idea of it cuz I know it does help but. Also make me feel more comfortable and being, able to tackle, some of those issues today we're gonna meet a therapist for the first time I'm excited to meet this therapist, mama Eva I think this is a new step for me and I'm really looking forward to it hi my name is Adriana. De Henry I'm a licensed, Marriage and Family Therapist. And founder, of Latin, ex-therapist, it was. Founded. So that, people. Can have a, source, for, mental. Health we, took, it upon ourselves to, start a directory, where, people can find a lot NextEra pissed also, today a therapist. From our network will, be providing, therapy services. Hi guys. Likewise. Some rates of essencial, licensed, Marriage and Family Therapist. And I'm here today to do. A one-on-one session, with all three of you I've been a therapist, since 2009, and I'm. Very experienced, working with a lot, of next men what's, the difference between like lionex, many Latin ex men tend to have a more, difficult time to open up emotionally because, there's a lot of stigma behind that so, I'm pretty.
Comfortable Helping, a, lot of next men through, the process, of getting to that more comfortable place in therapy, I'm nervous I gotta say the fact that you have met a lot experience working. With Latin men specifically, I don't know I'm feel like I'm seeing like a medium or something like I don't know it feels. Like we're gonna talk to a psychic. What. I know is how to guide you to get more in touch with what it is that you're comfortable putting. Out there for anybody to know what is the process like when it comes to a therapy, sessions we start wherever you feel comfortable if you don't feel comfortable talking, about anything in particular about, yourselves. We, can start with answering. Questions about therapy, when somebody's, never experienced, therapy that's where I start with them and just kind of putting them at ease letting, them know that those are very common, concerns. That most men come into therapy with I always seen therapy as an American, thing but yeah thing, too I didn't I didn't grow up in my household like I've asked my mom mommy let's, go at that baby come look at therapy can I see the therapy out of the. Table young III another. Pole Iike a gente, esta pasando hombre, y. But. Get in hand see that I like Y and so I'm like oh I don't have. Especially. Being a man as well as like I think you just have to play it you have to be strong, it is seen as like a weakness yeah we, were. Told to be. Self-reflective like. Deal. With it what can we expect you. Can expect, for me to answer any questions if, you if you just want to focus on us just. Talking about your concerns, about therapy, or if you have anything in particular that you. Want to and feel comfortable talking. About and then, you might even walk, away thinking I, want, to go to therapy after, this yeah so. I was. -, Leah look wait I have to open up now. I want. To understand you. Know is therapy. You. Know, was. The point of it and what can I get out of it therapy, is, something. That people, find typically. Find helpful because it. Allows you, to get to know yourself on a deeper level I learned a lot from sitting down in that session what's, the point of therapy getting, into the session I was nervous I was scared because I'm like now I gotta be vulnerable I'm not, used to being horrible, and also I grew, up with the idea that being vulnerable is weakness but, then I was like you know what if I'm gonna have a therapist, right I'm gonna take advantage of this I'm gonna use it let's see sometimes, I don't know how to react to certain situations.
Emotionally. Or I'm, just not available. Emotionally. For a thing what does that look like for you for instance like I have bad relationships because, I can't be vulnerable that's one thing I do want to work on because I am single for. That reason hey. Hey we talked about that, wanna be more emotional, I have a hard time being vulnerable I haven't, been in a relationship in, a really long time your, poll opacity, una mujer Adafruit, add a tiempo, and they can so rapido, quali so messing Alice Alice. Concern. Locum encantado. Es, que se. Siente, que. Una vez esta Caliente er una historia, cuando. Tu eres. Nino. Associate. Prefer a Lhasa, Toshio me, my mom are super for Faria so salvo capitalistic, a Brandi DFC mm-hmm, and my sister grew up in this household they didn't know how to be loving so that's a common sense I'm the older brother, and make sure that I'm like I'm loving, to all my Podesta's. Hey yo, man. Folk ago, and said Macario so kanhaiya's. Porque. Yo se que ya no lo, recibir, una casa no, sane creado como en soy yo soy yo quiero hacer. La persona que se kirino's a su vida, Yo. No tengo, same IDO ser Corino super Menma the problem, is when. I date somebody and, I, like somebody I, don't, express, that, to them I'm dope en el miedo que. Keisuke. Dentro de una de, onde 8 que es lo que viene, a tu mente cuando, su, hey Samia doe C soy kirino's o. Que. Que. Se dicen Conte, la, primera novia mia yo estaba bien enamorado, no se lo demás trauma, porno so Starla you know as I loved you and, she was like what you don't mean it hey como. La. Quiero entonces, operati. Significant. No I say good Italian Express are el amor introduces, of whale in el mensaje que tu internally sustained si si, cuando, nosotros estamos. En. Una relación in tema venimos, Kinesis ideas podemos expect, at Eva's a veces. Que no son released --is dentro, de una relación, siempre. Viveur cierto. Nivel de amor tal vez para ta la more Vassar mess. In, Cerritos mementos y para la otra persona menos, Yaris, s ba ham BR pero es algo que que, ba evolution, Ando y con el tiempo el, re, lacy own aprende, a, sustainer. Esos, esos cambios, da. Doctora. Como, puede sacar sa, miedo. I. Kept making jokes because I feel uncomfortable my say Jo I'm a comedian she's playing in a way that it takes time and it's a process and when it comes to emotions, you have to like uh soften, it up like, play-doh la manera que se como el miedo por. Una Reed emotional. Es. En, friend Ando lo es como, de una. Bola. De niro see, a jugar, 'la yahoo, garlic a nosotros tenemos la forma que necesitamos, charlie. K. Funciona, para nosotros y, de hammett a de otra cosa yo se que tal vez en las. Calles, no sense Anunnaki yield, servile than a blazer, Debbie, but.
Not Being able to be vulnerable. His actual, weakness, when she explained that to me I was like, muchas. Gracias por la sección de. Man canto mucho the American irascible like having, so many Latino Ellen. I feel, like I'm in a haunted house and the ghosts, are like my, past. Emotions, it feels like you're in a haunted house yeah so what we discussed in this session it was essentially, just like how, the session was gonna go and and, how I perceived. Being. In that space of walking, into a haunted house and being afraid to see ghosts, she's, so amazing, that. She's able to just look straight to your soul and say. Why. Are you feeling that way tell me what what's happening for you right now I'm. Just I'm nervous, cause. It's like I know it's. Haunted and I. Know I'm, gonna, probably see a ghost but I don't know I'm gonna do once I see it okay, so what's. The worst that could happen I don't know I guess in this experience, it's just like I've, been. Such, a hustler, in my life, where. I've, worked, so hard when, I'm you know provide. For my family and I want to take care of my mom and I want to do all these things and like I'm afraid that like oh man, if I go. Back to the base of, Who I am through this experience, and, I've, already built all this life and hustle and like it's like a Jenga piece. Or I feel like I'm building building, building but, I feel if I mess with that bottom it. May, affect, all. The work I've already done I came, in super confident me and Maya had this idea to do this video and I was super open and do it sitting in there I was ready to go and I just immediately felt uncomfortable, and I, immediately felt, afraid because I've never been, able to express, myself in that way before in therapy, we. Can start where, it feels safe. Okay what's something safe that we can start with um, I, think. My dating, life a big, thing for me doing this is like I'm noticing the generational, curses in my family I'm like I am NOT a part of the history of like good, solid. Relationships, and I. Notice that I'm getting older. And I'm like man hopefully, this isn't like an issue that I can't, like connect with someone in a way and that's a pretty good spot to start with because that's probably what's most relevant in your life right now yeah right yeah. I mean la lonely um that's. The thing what happened right now that you set that smile, well I looked over to everybody.
I'm. Wondering. Like what was it that was going on for you as you said that cuz it's almost like you caught yourself me. I guess. I mean I guess I had to follow up with like a joke everyone, said I was I, was like the hardest to crack like I was in and out of it and that. But. I do notice that in spaces where maybe I do feel uncomfortable, or. Things. Are getting serious or whatever else like I'll crack a joke or, I'm light in the space or all I see, someone smile or react. In a positive way my okay that's I feel. Good, based off that it feels more comfortable tell me about that comfort, that, comes up for you I think. I feel valuable, what would it look like if you if you were doing the opposite of you weren't we, starting to the jokes I don't then I don't know I guess I feel like I'm just there I don't know maybe I don't exist I suppose I don't know so you feel scene in bringing value yeah. I know the. Amount of motion that was behind that smile that I had like. It was, so. Interesting. To see like how much I could hide in such a good way cuz I was like I want to explain more I want to get more detail because of what you've witnessed you've, put, on yourself all this pressure about getting, it right, am. I right yeah. One, of the things that I like to tell people is, you, have to be, compassionate. With yourself when, you're trying to to, undo, something that that. You've learned or that you've seen I think it is one thing that totally makes sense is that I do put a lot of pressure on myself yeah. I'm the oldest of. Five. Sisters. Two brothers the, role model yeah, yeah. So, there's no room for messing, up it, has honestly been really positive for me I think it validated, a lot of my strengths, and I, think it, made, me realize, that I'm not as. Lost. Or as kind of destined for failure as I thought I was it's, interesting to find the connection overall, like how everything, is interconnected I don't know maybe the pressure of me having, to you, know deliver, and provide and do all these things every day is kind of affecting the fact of connecting. With someone we have to shift our, perspective and, that this doesn't just have to be like an emergency, room right, right you don't just have to run to therapy, when we're bleeding if we, do the work before we, get to that point mm-hmm, then there's. No need to run to the ER thank, you so, much felt. Like I like, made, it out like I did it something, like that, okay I mean through the race. At. The time when I was in it it felt so good I was like oh my god, I love this so much the minute I walked in the minute I met her she looked like one of my pre Mouse she looked like she could be every move mine so, I was like oh love, her felt so comfortable with her I felt, like right away I just went, just. Like opened, basically. What I wanted to talk about today was I'm. Newly. In relationship, but I had before, then have been a serial dater for very very many like for many, years and, I recognize, that it's, a lot to do with my. Inability. Or my unwillingness, to want. To allow, people to get, in look I don't want them to get too close to get too in and, I think, that that has to do a lot with growing. Up like in an abusive household. Where, I watched the dynamics, of a relationship, or what was supposed to be my example of a good relationship play. Out in an abusive way it's, interesting because it was difficult, to have it on camera and it was difficult to have it in a way that wasn't.
Putting, Anybody on blast and putting anybody in my life on blast because, we've come so far for. Me like that's what I would go I would like to figure out how, do I, allow. People in, in a healthy, way it, gets lonely right I don't, want to admit it, but, I think that's. Why I go in so many different dates so basically, we covered how I. Love. People but I definitely have this wall specifically. With men and that, kind of affects a lot of my relationships with what a men in my life I'm curious when you say. That you, don't. Want to let anybody and what what do you start telling yourself I think, that I have. Built this powerful, human, being and I can feel my power when, if. I have it something in my in my head that I need so I get over and very much like let's go out if I'm sad I'm like but, it's gonna be something that you really like let's go to a movie and I think that if I would have let somebody in if they would have ruined that it's, my fear that they have ruined it because of my own fault. But I have given them the, pad gave them the power I gave them the control let's say you're at the point where somebody is, hurting. You mm-hmm just thinking, about that what comes up for you emotionally, or physically emotionally, and really, I immediately, I'm like oh like. Don't cry we could immediately, trigger it but I immediately, get. Placed. Back into, like. Being that three year old that used to watch all this stuff happened and it was interesting because we kind of traced it when it started and it said it as like being a little kid I didn't, expect to feel uncomfortable like I genuinely wouldn't in being like this is my truth I need to be open and I'm so open about a lot of things you immediately. Flashback, to being a three-year-old, yeah and it, becomes pretty scary yeah, yeah, and so, I want you to sit with that just. For a moment. Okay. What's, I like to sit with it it. Sucks so for me it was like oh yeah like with just another thing to be open about but, it's still a thing that this isn't just my story, this was including, other people yeah and so the best way you know to take care of yourself or that, three year old self now is by protecting yourself, making, sure nobody's gonna come and hurt you again what we do is. We. Get in touch with that inner child and we take, charge as the adult that we are because you're no longer that child right. You have the, ability to take care of yourself to provide for yourself to love, yourself, right. And so I think, what, I'm hearing is, that you, recognize that ability, you're very aware of it but. At the same time it's almost like well because I already have it and I don't need it from anyone else that's, exactly, what that is you sometimes, think what's, wrong with me like why do I not do this why do I not act. This way or why can I not have a relationship like those people over there and you're like oh it's, because of something that happened when you were younger every time you mentioned, me as a three year old they get like. Appear. Is like I'm like that's like really that's, important, that you notice that so. You're fighting the tears back what are you afraid it's, gonna happen if you'd let just let them know oh, I. Don't. Know to, be able to communicate these things and talk about these things and kind of recognize, where that may have started it, was really powerful and those are tools that I don't think I would have understood. Or. Would have had had, I not, started. To dive into therapy a little bit more it sounds like like, the healing, that needs to happen is a, lot around men, for you and it's. Doable kind. Of go in circles exploring. And seeing like what is, it that I need to work on what is what's wrong here. Right and so. Notice. That I didn't say what's wrong with me because. A lot of the times we internalize that as something. That's wrong with ourselves why have we show you so much for listening to me I know that was a lot to take in and like the short time that we shared together yeah how do you guys feel now I feel good I feel like oh I want to do, more like, so much more to explore set, up a space for us to open up to you so I think that's pretty cool I definitely want to explore that a little bit more I think I've felt, safer in this space versus, talking to friends because it's like I always feel like you're talking too much or it's, like you start feeling like you're just oh it's all about me.
Yeah. They're or they're not gonna care I. Appreciate. That it changes the dynamic, definitely, out of all of us who's the who's the most. My. Answer to that is gonna be we're all up, in our own way. Was. There any difference. And just like who we were how we you. Know I could, clearly. Sense. Who probably, is more. Experienced. That opening up emotionally. That's one of the things that therapists, take into account a lot is, that we get a sense for the client we get a sense for where. You're at and we meet you there so, that's kind of what I did with each one of you with you we got deep pretty quickly. We just went for a dive and. Then with you we kind, of took our time and we we, got but we got there yeah right yeah and with you it was like in and out in and out right like we're dancing we're, back. And forth and so it, but we still managed, to get, deep. And we still managed to get you to, experience some of that it's the case where like I say. Like a witty comment why in the mood as much as I can again. I. Was. Still a little afraid we've, been I was seeing down, here joking around but. Part. Of me was like man don't. Cry. In front of the camera yeah. Definitely. Gonna continue yeah, thanks to you I definitely wanna explore a little bit more and, learn to understand, therapy. A lot more yeah thank, you thank you you put a lot of things into perspective and, thank you for listening to us yeah. Would. I do it again would I go in and have. More sessions yes I would love that would I do it on camera again and probably never ever ever, ever again, before. I didn't see the point of it but, now I'm able to see what's the point of getting therapy, really was able to really, hold my hand through that whole experience and I. Really appreciated, that going, in there it lived, up to my expectations, it felt really good felt like a lot of the advices she was giving was very powerful I feel like she definitely understood, me but the fact that she was lying was amazing and made me feel more comfortable I felt like she was able to look at me in a way and was, able to understand, the process understand. The relationship, I had with my father understand, the process of being surrounded, by multiple siblings, in the Latin household, and I feel like everybody should do it especially.
The Alcaman do, it because, hurt people, hurt people. You. You.