I took my older wife back to school, opened a business for her only to reap torment and abuse | TMD
There is a name she used to call me - Because she used to see you with other ladies? Yeah. she used to call me that name. That time she'd tell me it's as if I've gotten another one She'd ask why I going out with ladies out there without fearing Corona. She really made me anxious I developed low esteem. At that time things were really worse Actually I fell ill and they admitted me. For what? Actually I never understood because I'd faint Just collapsing. But later on I was told it was as a result of depression I started seeing imaginary things because of...
I just wanted to be with the child. I told her since I don't have a lot of classes, I could be going to class with the child. I tried that for I think a week - So you'd stay with the child? - Yes. And I used to move a lot in the course of my job so at times I had the child and I get a job offer somewhere. So I had to go along with the child. I'm the one who pushed for us to have a child And that's one thing she keeps reminding me up to date, that you are the one who wanted a kid and not me There was a time I was at the hospital, the baby was cying and I was also crying too She told me why are you crying? are you not the one who wanted this child? so in that the case the baby was more of mine than ours to a point I felt that let people think what they want to because there's a mentality that men are animals so if she tells people about our story, it's easier for people to believe her than me so I just assume things Chuka residents! How are you and sheep too. Before you do that, you've educated this woman
You bought her clothes. Taken her to the salon and spoiled them with everything they need We've landed! You are good? Have you seen him before? I don't think he has seen me anywhere yet.. it's okay you will now get to know him This is home, just a walking distance from here. You are really good at keeping time. We are coming to you all the way from Chuka area. I studied here for quite a while
As the Swahili saying goes, "The mind is the hair, everyone has his own" don't mind If I'm bushy at least you know I am smart Men, we have been through a lot Welcome. - Thank you so much I used to stay inside the Campus I was not allowed to stay near ladies or be free out there I know ladies have demands here and there, they want your attention Had you guys planned on making it serious and official? In Kikuyu we call it 'Ruracio' which translates to paying dowry You know the ambitions we usually have, I wanna do this for you, do this for me So when you took her back to school, what did she pursue? - She enrolled to a beauty therapy course And at this time where was the child? And then with your side hustles, you were taking care of her school fees. How was her journey between her going to school and her finishing school? I think the problem started when she started attending school because now, Then at the school where she was learning, I used to check her grades She had failed some and skipped other exams too, so when I started following up At times I was told she would be seen walking around Chuka town instead of attending school, so it was like I was pushing her At first it was what she wanted, because also her parents were happy about that But along the way she sort of relaxed and was not attending classes One or two days she misses school, yeah. - So did she finish the course? Yeah she finished, all the way to the end. But just before that, She got pregnant for me, but I didn't know So she'd conceal it with clothes or? At this time how did she conceal it. Did the dress-code change?
As long as there was money, I wasn't bothered much of asking why is your tummy bulging.... And then most people used to tell me when women are pregnant, they change their moods I started observing the signs and she developed the attitude that anytime I meet a woman friend or classmate, she'd react weirdly and I didn't like the attitude towards me because her reaction was over, because sometimes it would just be a customer since I used to repair laptops. She would make me stay close to three or four days without us talking because she is angry, I talked to someone and I haven't explained well Now that you had a lady and she's pregnant, And since you were still sleeping together even when she was pregnant, in the morning you dint notice at all? Or even observe some changes like vomiting and swelling of the nasal cavity Gaining weight maybe? Or you thought she is just eating well? - I never saw her vomiting You guys went to church? so when you took her to the church Who tipped you off that she had attempted abortion? - I had a friend a woman who used to work in a certain clinic. So when my girl visited there, The woman had seen me with her before so she called me and told me the lady you were with just visited this clinic and she was asking if we offer abortion services Now that she knows I know, there was some pressure. She wants that, she wants this
And all that time she tried to find other means of undergoing an abortion She dint want to tell anyone that she was pregnant. Not even her mother or father. She told me not to do that Out of that respect, I dint tell her father or mother that she's pregnant Now there was pressure of her demanding for stuffs. I used to understand she is pregnant and those things are normal Whether she has a craving for fries or stones even stones I did all that but then the fact that she was still trying to abort, there is actually one instance she came and told me she has gone to the general hospital to inquire if they offer abortion. I was like, they won't help you, just remain here we do as agreed. She said no. So what I did, where I was staying there was no gate You can access the compound from any side. I decided to move in to a place where there is a gate at least so that I can lock and restrict her a bit. I was afraid she would attempt abortion
and I wouldn't have taken that thing lightly. Aborting a child, even if you are a man it will affect you always. That time I would hear stories about abortion and then meet someone with a child, that thing used to ring in my mind. I was so much against it
We moved out. She had attempted to go to a hospital but they sent her away We moved to a place with a locked gate. She later calmed down The only pressure was the cravings or her meeting with girls, all those things.
I used to understand though it would demoralize me sometimes I had to attend class yet I have someone staying in my house and she's not talking to me for three days Because there is this 'Grace' girl I meet in class and she texted me. Some would not be able. Others thought I was just a joke, so I usually used to go and find someone I pay them and they come as proxies who were texting me.
I pay you like 200 bob and you say you are called Grace then talk to her and make sure she has peace of mind. I used to try as much as I can, my phone was always open She had password and pin for my phone. So she'd go through your phone - Yeah. I was not on phone all the time And of course you dint have a backup phone - I always have one So this went on and reached a time that things became so bad Because a certain lady called me at night, I never got to know who they were She was a customer. It became a very big problem to my partner she did not talk to me for four days. I became so worried to a point she'd tell me
that once she gives birth, she gonna leave that baby with me She will just breastfeed him for two weeks and leave since she can't someone like me who entertained ladies So I had no option but to agree, if that's what made her happy That time depression had hit me. I tried suicide Before you moved in together, since it was just something casual when you guys started dating That's why I offered to take her to College - Would you say she loved you too? because when you love someone So at this time she was still in school? - Yes. Though not every day, once in a while The first time I swallowed pills which kind of pills? there were some drugs I was given at the hospital, I think they were for iron or something so I told her, let me just go if I'm too much for you. Let me just disappear I started feeling that burning sensation and started vomiting instead It was a miracle, I don't know the harm they could have caused. I vomited all of them and I stopped it. There was this other time, I tried to hang myself in the house There was a ceiling but it was made of concrete. I tried to put some hooks using nails so as to hang a rope but I never succeeded While doing all this, she was just there watching me Wait a bit, now your girlfriend or wife She is just seated there watching you with no reaction or comment? Let me ask, why dint you walk out. If you see a woman treating you like this
clearly she was not interested in you, although at times someone can say they love you Why dint you just walk out of this situation at this point and leave? It was not easy at all. She's pregnant and back at home they don't know. If I was to leave her how would they react. She was pregnant for all this months and I dint tell them Plus she was in school. I decided that let her give birth, then from there we can talk. Actually that was my plan she just vowed to breastfeed for two weeks and she's done I was getting prepared on where to take my baby afterward, so I was telling myself as much as it's too much until the baby is born He was born on a valentines day. 14th February 2020
When she gave birth, I was waiting for the two weeks to elapse as she promised She said nothing instead, her character started changing a bit Her cravings too disappeared Around that time, Corona hit in the country almost a month after her delivery I think the first case was recorded here in Kenya on 13th March 2020 at that time when corona hit the country, we had stayed peacefully for a whole month She had just completed school but I was still in school. We dropped and went home We dint go to my parents place I was not prepared for that. In my community where I come from I can't stay in my dad's house with a girl so I couldn’t take her home. I took her just to show mum I had another child his name was Don. My Mum was worried She wondered how we managed just the two of us yet I was also paying fees. But I explained everything to her
and she was okay. We visited her parents too. The country was on lock-down withing that period, her parents especially the father had that pressure that I should marry her since we had another child. Remember I'm still a student School was pending and I had not job Everyone was at home, so there were no laptops for me to repair. Her people started giving me pressure but I never used to tell my parents about it I just promised to handle it myself. I talked to her dad and told her I can't do that for now because of money and also the current situation. They dint hear me out I guess I wasn't reacting and they started lamenting that I impregnated their daughter and abandoned her they said their culture cannot allow her home with a 2nd child. All sort of things
This gave me depression even the more. I started developing Ulcers I used to run from home and went to my uncle's place My home was closer to the girl's home. I just wanted to be a bit far away After she realized I was gone, she kept calling She would get angry easily and call me all those bad names She used to call me ****** So because you used to talk to other ladies She claimed I was making out with ladies out there without fearing corona disease This gave me anxiety. My self-esteem went down
That time it was worse. I fell sick They admitted me - For what? I never understood. I would just faint later on I was told it was depression I started getting imaginary things because of... That time, my family was not aware what was going on. I used to tell them but they would just say all shall be well. My mother used to talk to me
She would tell me to wait for Corona to end and we shall talk Any time I faint at my uncle's place, they used to rush me to the hospital I would be diagnosed with Ulcers My brother came to realize maybe I'm depressed there was a time I was taken home and I literally refused to stay at home I kept imagining things and my head sort of went crazy a little bit I went to my neighbours' place for three days. My brother was talking to me and praying for me At least I started to see sense that depression made me reach that point At first I dint know it was the case. At the hospital they would ask if I have any other issue and I'd say I'm okay. This went on up to around August All along while getting depressed, she was not concerned in any way she used to keep saying same things and behaved the same way. it was even worse sometimes you try talking to them and it never used to work. It reached a point and I decided that's is it
I decided to stop the relationship there. For the kids, I would figure what to do At that time, my Mum came to talk to me. She told me for the sake of these two kids and one was not mine biologically, my Mum stayed with him for more than two years While going through depression and there was Corona pandemic were those two kids at your home? - Yes. And their mother was at her parents' what about the woman she was at her parents home with the youngest kid so she was at their home with the small baby and you ate at your parents house with the other child? so my mum talked to me we sorted things out and she promised she is going to change, and I took her word We even made a Kitenge and took a photo together, it's there on Facebook we made up around September October Schools were now being reopened we had to resume The youngest kid. We arrived there and I started feeling that maybe I took her to school that maybe I've done so much for her. She was doing nothing since she was done with classes I decided to help her get a job so that at least she can have something to keep her busy I gave her Kshs 10,000 and transport money I told her to go to Gikomba market since she had the urge of selling secondhand clothes I gave her the money and she was to buy some stock with it.
Despite her calling you names, you still had the heart to help her secure a job? so that she can support herself? Yeah, because I took it as a new beginning and forgave her She came with the clothes and the first week, business was fine The second week after establishing the job, she started complaining she claimed customers were reluctant to buy her stuffs and they are demanding so much she wanted to make changes. I used to advise her since I had done business before I had a shop before so I knew business was not a walk in the park, it had it's highs and lows At times you make losses but keep doing it. She had so many excuses and started opening business whenever she felt like it, either noon, evening or not open at all It reached a point now on the third week she stopped selling completely She said the sun was too hot and people were not buying as she expected She opted to stop and some clothes were left in the house. The good thing is that the clothes were for children I still have some of them actually, I did not sell them out I gave some out, I gave the kid some and some are still in the house so that was the last time she sold clothes in 2020 In January, she came to me she told me since she had beauty skills, she can try to establish a Salon She sort of had a passion in it. I decided it was a good idea
I advised her to sell the remaining clothes stock and we can do a top up she refused and told me she will not sell clothes instead she will send them home to mum for the baby I had some cash with me, I was not the type of person who would go broke beyond level I used to have some savings. I told her out of the little that I had I can get more somewhere and we shall establish the Salon in a matter of 2-3 weeks There is a Merry go round group back at home where I am a member, I requested them to give me a loan of around Kshs 17,000 and added to the Kshs 20,000 that I already had. I bought all the equipments needed And ensured the Salon was well equipped and looking all neat in the interior We did all that and in around three weeks, the shop was up and ready She started the job with vigor At times she would close up early then and come home but go back to the salon again. It was situated near a school, students don't sleep early and one could operate up to 11 PM She used to come home back to the salon because she really was passionate. We were yet to get a business license
I told her we operate for the first month then use the profits to get a license She run it for some time then after a few weeks there was some delay. I used to visit the Salon once in a while I had closed my shop and had decided to concentrate on my studies first as she runs the salon, maybe she can maintain us. - Your shop was the laptop business? Yes. Laptops repair. - And it enabled you establish the Salon? and support the family too.
I decided to close it down and support her business. I also wanted to concentrate with studies. After two or three weeks She started having complaints. She wanted me to give her bus-fare to work all the time That time I had closed my shop, I was working on mobile basis and attending to few loyal customers whom I had earlier. I was not getting as much as before. She'd ask for fare, and I told her I had no money I had only enough for food and rent. She would get angry and fail to open up the Salon
sometimes he'd open at midday and claimed she was sleepy. The business started lagging behind That time I was yet to recover the invested money considering I had taken a loan We had started spending on the little I had to support ourselves and mine was cut off too. So we sort of made loss The Salon used to operate only from Thursday to Saturday On Sunday, she would rarely open. She gave excuses all the time about the kid She wanted to take him to daycare but I was against that thing.
I told her since I had no many classes, I try going with my child to class. I tried that for a week and I still had my mobile job of doing repairs at times I had to move with the child too Though it appeared weird to some of the customers I used to go do repairs for customers who couldn't come to me - at this time, how old are you? right now I'm 23 So that time you used to offer mobile services to customers, you were how old? so you were just 22 years old? So some customers were female they used to like seeing me with a child, and he was calm. So it was sort of easier for me Some would get excited about it and assist me to carry him back along the way There was this time a lady helped me carry my son back to the Salon since I was closer When my girl saw another lady carrying the child, it became a problem.
she wondered why another lady was holding her child and who she was I had to stop going with my child and had to stay in one place She started going with the child to the Salon at times We'd have misunderstandings at home. There was a time she got angry as she had called me while in class I did not pick up the phone, so she got angry for a day. Every time she gets angry in front of our child she can hardly differentiate me and the baby. She can't do anything for the baby I have to do everything for the baby until the mother calms down and resume her motherly duties At the time, I realized her behavior was slowly changing I tired talking to friends but they told me that was usual with marriages they told me to take her to church but it changed nothing I'm a Catholic and she'd claim that the church was so dull and not active, so she didn't want to go back there she wanted some church services were active If you take her there, she keeps complaining that she didn't know anyone, so she would stay out with the baby so it was not effective at all. friends used to talk to her She is a nice person and she listens, but after staying with her for some time you get to see her true colors. People used to tell me I have a very nice girl and that I should persevere.
I've never been in marriage before, so I just went with the flow. Unfortunately, within that month of January The baby got burnt with hot water. He was crawling at the time of the incident My house was a bit small The bed, Gas-cooker and sink was so close together.
A single room sort of I had a small table on the side for my studies There was this one time I woke up in the morning I was doing some assignments with a tight deadline, I had so much pressure I had to concentrate She woke up and set up some water on fire to boil, then she left. My mind was far away - Now your woman puts the water on fire? Yes, for tea. She went to the shop. I was not aware the child awake and was crawling on the bed. Just as I turned behind, I realized he was at the gas-cooker since it was near the bed. He fell off and stepped on the hot water
the water was already boiling. He got burns from this part, all the way down. Basically the whole body I was so shocked. I was not aware there was boiling water. I was in short and a vest I rushed him to the nearest hospital I was shouting at the top of my voice. I met her along the way
she was like what is happening? I told her just follow me The baby was taken to emergency. He was crying at the top of his voice He had only the top clothes. They gave him first aid The mother came like ten minutes later, I think she went home, close the door before she followed me That incident sort of gave us a setback. He was admitted at the hospital for around three to four weeks. All along I had no job The Salon was not giving us much. I couldn't put the bill on my Mum back home.
They paid fees for me, and I had to sort the rest on my own. I went to my business of brokering laptops. - How did you clear the hospital bills? I managed to pay, and my classmates contributed for me too. Also at the time, the Salon was not running and I had no job My friends used to come and visit with food and some money they offered support. I requested her we look for someone to run the Salon Because we were running broke at a very bad rate. she dint buy the idea, and was not ready to employ someone there.
since I knew the state we were in, I had to hire a lady for her to run the Salon the lady was in the salon for a week after she left the hospital she did not go there immeddiately she stayed for a while I told her although there's someone I placed to work in the salon she said okay, when the kid had recovered a little bit she went to the salon again she went and found the lady I had employed to work there but they seemed not to agree she sent her away and took the keys. I had not even paid that lady the girl went away, I don't know if I have even met her so that I can even settle her payment she also disappeared, she has never looked for me again although I wanted to pay her when she came home she was so angry, she questioned me why I hired a lady without informing her I told her there's no way I could employ a man to work in a salon, all the men I know have done IT she would sulk for 3 or even 4 days and not bother with both myself and the kid the baby had burns at that time, he could not even wake up from the bed so how is the kid now? he still has wounds, I had to discharge him from the hospital because the bill kept on increasing the drugs were not doing him any good, today he is better and tomorrow he is worse he used to scream a lot, the first 3 days in the hospital he would either cry or just sleep that thing used to hit me a lot because actually I was the one who wanted this child not her she keeps reminding me that thing to date, you are the one who wanted that child not me there was a time we were in the hospital and both the kid and I were crying, she told me why are you crying yet you wanted a kid? it was like this child is was more of mine and not ours we kept fighting all the time because of resuming the salon business and employing that lady she would stay moody for 3 days, even after taking over the salon, it remained closed I tried to persuade her so that she can open it but she told me the salon was not bring in any money because there were no clients she kept complaining the location was bad but she is the one who actually decided on the location I told her to give me the location she wanted so that I can help her get the room and so I went and looked for one you paid her school fees, you started the Gikomba business for her but she failed then after paying for her beauty course and opening a salon for her, she was still not managing it all this time where were her parents because I am assuming she has parents why ere the parents not paying her school fees and taking care of her needs because what you were doing was their responsibility where were her parents and what were they saying? or is it because this lady was now staying with you then you had to take care of her whenever we had an argument, she would just leave, so I would call the parents and inform them the reason she got angry at me and why she left but they would side with her and instead scold me so I had to apologize to them for informing them of what had happened they once told me to stop bothering them I used to try so much, any time it happens I to call I would try to send people, there was a close friend of hers so I used to open up to her I would send her to her parents so that she can at least inform them of the situation because I felt maybe they would understand her better but when she went there, they openly told her not to bother them and that they are busy so let me ask you, were you guys still together with all the challenges you were facing? yes most of my friends I used to talk to would tell me that is how marriage is they told me to persevere and be patient and to ensure that she is happy at that time whenever she would ask me maybe for a dress I will ensure that she has it after our salon went down, I decided to help her get a job because I felt maybe she can work well under someone else I helped her get a job in a restaurant which she quit after 2 weeks, she said that she can't manage to wake up early and also the pressure was too much I helped her secure another job, she quit after one month with the same excuses when she was working she would leave me at home with the baby, she never even planned on how we were going to manage the baby, either take him to the daycare of just stay at home with him when she started her first job, I had to baby sit for 2 weeks if I am busy I would leave the baby for about 3 hours with a certain lady in the nearby center who used to hawk smokies, she so that is how I operated for those two weeks when she started her 2nd job, I still had to baby sit because now there was schooling and then there was the child if a chance came about for me to leave the baby for a while with a neighbour that is the only time I would leave so you decided to persevere a midst all those challenges so if she happens to watch this episode, what do you think will be her reaction now that you have exposed her? I am sure she will feel so bad and she will even insult me let me take a sip of water even our women are told to just persevere in marriage because it has it's own challenges in fact it's assumed we are animals and we are the ones who mistreat women so now let me ask you, are you still together with that woman? in the beginning of the year I decided to beak up with her because it was now too much and also I was developing ulcers my stool would come out with traces of blood because of too much thinking I went to the hospital and I was told to first of all deal with my mental issues then go for a body check up I came to realize I was losing so much just trying to ensure that marriage works this was happening towards the end of 2021 when I was completing school even when I went home I knew that in my mind I had broken up with her but physically it was so hard for me to accept that fact because of her reactions at some point I had just gotten a job but she spoilt it and I ended up losing it the only reason I actually lost that job was because my supervisor was a woman she was not comfortable seeing me work with that woman so at that point is when I decided to just let go I planned in December I go to her home an meet her people so that I can explain to them what the situation was like so that we can part ways but when I got home, my mum had planned to welcome us together with her and the kid now that I had also just completed school I decided to forget about the matter for that December but when I was leaving home I left her with the idea that I will now alert her so that they can now begin to make the arrangements when I left home, the lady stayed behind in our home with my parents my mum was treating her like the daughter in law when I got back to Chuka that is when I started becoming sick I could not work, I would either at home or in the hospital that is the time I decided to open up to my family, I told them this is the situation at hand and this is how I want to handle it so that they can figure out on how to advice me that is now the time I awakened her trouble again at that time when I left her home, she didn't seem happy, she actually felt that I was leaving her behind so that I can an come to cheat having that mentality in her head, she started insulting me so at what point did you feel like you have had enough and decided to just let her go? the fact that I gave her so much but she did not see the importance of me being in her life she would only remember my worth for just 5 minutes and forget about it again she did not have it that is the point I felt things had now gotten out of hand and now it was time for me to do things in a safe way at what point did you tell your mum that you had broke up with this lady Immediately I left home, I told mum even though I have left that lady at home we have parted ways because of this and that I told mum how we shall handle the situation so we tricked her to go to her parents home without the baby which she did so it's only after she left that I now broke the news to her she thought I was just bluffing or it was something like a joke, she used to believe that there was no way I would live without her she kept insulting me and even asking me to send her money to make her hair I still did not have a job at that time and also I was in and out of hospital where I was wasting the little cash I had I was not doing anything constructive with it at what point did you finally get to tell this lady that you wanted to break up with her? did you tell her? yes I did what did she say? she insulted me so badly, she accused me of having gotten another prostitute she told me there was no woman who was going to touch her child except herself she said she will not allow any other women to get close to her baby she used to tell me she will not let anyone teach her child prostitution by this time were you seeing another lady? yes, actually just before my graduation, remember I told you I was already done with her mentally and that I was only with her physically although the lady I met, I had already explained to her everything before hand I told her about my situation and she was so understanding she decided to hang in there so that I can handle this other lady and be able to break up totally with her so when I finally broke the news to her that we were breaking up she would call even when you were dating the new lady? yes when she called? at first she had no idea I was seeing someone else, she was told by friends, when I told her we were breaking up she started calling my contacts her email was in my phone and so that is where all the contacts were stored so everyone she knew was in my contacts she would call them all while in Chuka she would ask them of my whereabouts, some of them who had no idea what was happening would tell her they have seen me around with someone some would tell her that I have a new girlfriend, so she would ask them to take her photos and try to snoop on us so randomly we would meet someone and they just take a photo of us, there is a lady we met and she just snapped us and sent the photo to her, immediately she received the photo, she posted it on her WhatsApp status she called the lady names and went ahead to ask anyone who would come across her to warn my girl that I am someone's husband since she was very understanding she did not want to act back in revenge she has been there with me even when I was on medication she was very supportive you know at times when we move to a new relationship having not healed we carry our pain from the past and spoil the present one where are your two kids currently? are they with you? after I broke the news to her that we were done and told her your son has sent me to collect my kids my mum is a very calm lady she doesn't like drama, she told her it's okay just come and pick them I told mum if you allow her to go with the small baby that will be the end of me because it means I can't go anywhere I told mum I know she was going to demand for money from me every time so when mum told her it's okay you can come for the kids she actually came, the first born is her biological child so mum told her to go with the eldest child and leave the small one so that he can be baptized then she can come for him after two weeks so she went with the eldest child and left the small one that she was sent away with the elder baby and told to collect his stuffs and that we refused to give her the small child she had taken care of this child who is not even of her blood, she had raised him using her money but when that woman came for that child she never even said thank you or even appreciate my mum, in fact she insulted her what did she call your mum? 'gumama' the name in a bad way it' like someone calling you 'gutoto' since that time she has been making calls, sending messages to mum and insulting her the way she wants so my sister is also being insulted she calls my dad everyday threatening to report him to the chief or even to the police at some point she started asking to be given the small kid, my dad told her she was supposed to pick the baby after he has been baptized she said she just wanted to have the kid then take poison and die so that if at all we have parted ways then it should be something permanent when dad heard that he decided to take action so that she doesn't come to pick the baby my dad went to the local chief because this lady had threated to kill the baby, so the baby was saved who was she threatening to kill? the kids was she sending the threats through text messages or calls? there was a time I was in the hospital, she called me and I told her I was in a very bad shape she told me you can go ahead and die, after all your kid will remain an orphan because you are the one who wanted that baby as for the first born, she told me Benji is better off because the dad is still alive even if we broke up as for you, if you want to die that's up to you at that time I was in a very bad shape, any word it's enough to make me worse for 3 days after we split and she came to find out that I was seeing someone else so after she found out you are with someone else she pretended to be nice when she realized I wasn't paying any attention, she went back to insulting me she would send people to come and spy on me she would send people to come and spy one me some people don't actually give the exact story, they tell lies and so when she gets any information that is what she uses to get back at me by posting on her status if you were one of my contacts she would have texted you on WhatsApp, given you a call tell you of our story, send you the photos o my current girlfriend and she gives you a different story, everyone has a version of their story people have been calling me, everyone is giving me their story some have not seen me for a while because actually I have been in the hospital and they are like Bonny where have you been? this lady has been saying this and that I don't really care how people take it but there's this mentality where people see men as animals so it's easy for people to believe her more than me when they get to hear the story so I just assume, but those who me actually tell her that this guy gave you everything, you are ruining his name of course she insulted them, it didn't end up well do you have her number? yes I do no problem you can call her kindly let me have the phone producer, let's get to hear from the horses mouth how are you? I am fine my name is Joshua from LNN Media Limited yes I am seated here with Dan and you are on record, do you know him? which Dan? the one you were dating, had a kid then broke up yes I know him I want to hear from your side because he is saying he started a salon business for you and you failed in he started a business for you to sell clothes but you also failed he took you to school but you had misunderstandings and you have been insulting him you later broke up but you have been insulting him I never insulted him He refused to give me my son after we parted and she started seeing other girls, my problem was that I just did want another woman to raise my kid Liz I really don't want to leave this place without hearing your story because maybe can help in this issue between you and Dan so you mentioned that you tried to take the baby from Dan? yes I needed the baby because he was still very young, he was just 2 years old I wanted to raise the baby until he is 18 years old or even 15 then I take him back to the dad he insisted that if I take the kid I will be asking for money, I told him we can even make an agreement at the chief's office that I will never demand for anything because God has given me a job so I could not bother anyone to send me money for anything even medication I told them if the baby is old enough of maybe 15 years I will give them back so that no they cab stay with him at this point when I see even a neighbour kid, it is a trigger and I feel really bad I feel hurt because it's like my child had no mother yet I am here still alive I begged him to give me my child promising that I will not ask for any money, he told me to go and ask his parents, when I spoke to them they told me that Duncan had refused that I should go with the baby I told him his parents were not there when we decided to get that child, he has moved on with other women which is okay by me but all I wanted was my baby have you ever threatened to kill the baby? not really but at that time I was so angry I told him if they don't give me my baby I will commit suicide, I was in pain because this kid needed me I did not say the baby but myself have you ever tried to do any abortion? no you have never tried to terminate Dan's child? I have never tried that how old was the child when you left him with Dan? Last year in December we left Chuka and went to Dan's home he left me at their home and went back to Chuka, shortly after the landlord called me he was living with another lady in our rental house several other people called me and told me the same story, so I found out it's true because the information was coming not from one person I told him it's okay if you have moved on but all I want is to have my baby, when he grows up he will now go back to him there was no way that child was going to be raised by a step mum when I am alive I told him to give me the baby even if we have broken up, it should be peaceful when he refused that is when I started insulting him because I was angry, he even burnt the baby, he has a scar the baby got burns on his private parts and on the stomach, I stayed with the kid on the hospital for 2 months at General Kago in Chuka he would visit the hospital and leave shortly after, I was the one who stayed there with the baby if truly the loved the baby he would have been careful, this happened shortly after I went to the shop shortly after I heard screams the baby had been burnt, he still has those marks by the way so I got angry and insulted him because of the baby then he was very unfaithful, he lied to me that he was going to look for a job but he ended up bringing another lady in our house another issue that annoyed me is that he moved out of the house w used to leave in and left my clothes behind without telling me he left with my blow-dry, heavy mat and also a table I told him I was no longer interested in those things, all I needed was my baby who had bought those items? I bought them with my savings, what he bought was the sink used in salons he told you that I messed up a business he opened for me, that is not the case, when the child got burn the business was in Ndagani Chuka when we went back students who are our clients had gone home after the corona out break he agreed with me that indeed business was not so good and so there was no way we would pay rent both for our house and the salon yet we have no stable income so that was the reason we close that salon as for the sale of clothes, the business was not doing so well also, I da bought second hand clothes in Gikomba, Nairobi everyone wanted to buy at KSh 100 yet I had bought each attire at KSh 80 so I felt instead of going at a loss maybe I should go and start the business back home in Trans Nzoia since maybe there people would understand I have no idea exactly where his problem is have you tried to acquire the baby through the law? I tried through the chief but he is a friend to the dad, that story just died to date do you know his current girlfriend? I have never seen her or seen her at a personal level but I have her photo, I heard she is a student in Chuka Have you ever insulted her? that lady? yes I did put her on my status asking if anyone knows her, she was the reason my marriage failed but you did not insult her? not really, I did not insult her have you ever insulted Dan's mum? I have never done that have you introduced her home? not yet but I assume you love her yes I do you are sure you love her so much? yes she ha never insulted you and she cooks good food for you she was in the company of a baby, is that your child? not really, that is her baby ask her to come over here....Mr producer this is about men's session maybe you cab start by introducing yourself and tell us your name I can see you have all done computer studies so now tell me how did you meet Dan? I met him during my attachment, the same office I was working in he was our supervisor he was working and at the same time he was a student that is one thing I picked of course you know his story and the lady he was dating before although he moved on the lady is still in the picture and she wants him back she has done some cray things here and there, what do you think of those things the lady in question has done? it doesn't really affect me because I am not involved directly at times it gets to that point but I feel I have one question, has the lady ever insulted you? yes, she posted my photo with a caption that had insults I felt so bad imagine right in that camera was Elizabeth, what can you tell her? but she lost it I don't expect her to behave in such a manner when he is feeling low or when he has been insulted I always talk to him and we reason together because his ego as a man has been hurt obviously she says this man is bad she feels he is a bad man yet she wants him back, it only shows she feels that she is losing something losing someone thank you so much for gracing our Men's desk at least you will say that you came to men's desk and left with a bottle of juice we've had a talk people always think men are like a rock that we don't pass through stuffs there is a man passing through the same thing he is being insulted yet he has spent his money to educate someone we always read in news that someone decided to educate their partner and when they graduate, they are dumped ad because of the pain, the educator goes a head to kill you are speaking to someone, most like a man who is stuck in such kind of a relationship what would be your parting shot? what I can tell men out there who are going through the same situation I went through this is what normally happens depending on how you feel as an individual don't stay there because you were told that those things are normal if you are pressed jut walk away, don't try to push yourself to the limit I reached at appoint where I needed not just money or people but I needed a lot more there are a number of people who advised me to try that but to me that was not the best solution to it even though so much damage was done to my mental being I still thank God I am alive, she is alive and we are all well if you ever get to that point, remember violence is not the best solution, if you can't take it just sit down with her make sure she understands it, if she doesn't want to then act but don't stay there for now economically speaking, what do you do for a living? do you have a job or perhaps a business? since then I have not been able to get the capital to reopen that business here and there I just finished school recently so where do you get the money to buy Maureen at least a loaf of bread so that she doesn't sleep hungry the same same hustle, the good thing is when I had my shop I had a huge customer base so the good thing is at least twice or thrice a week people will call me just to connect me to jobs and I make some money out of it, even though it's not a long term thing but just enough to sustain me and as for you Maureen , what do you do? I haven't been able to secure a job yet but I have applied several online jobs but currently I am being supported by my parents she is there for Dan even if it's a firm for processing pineapples if someone would offer you a job today let us build each other men Dan is a man just like us, let us support each other thank you so much