How to launch your dream business and have a great marriage | Stories of Legacy - Episode 4
Hello. And welcome to stories, of legacy, we, are so honored to share, with you Ben, and amber we're in their home today, and they're going to share their story with you and their, pieces of advice wisdom. From their years of experience, being. Made and having children and also. Working together and, sharing their dreams and visions for the future, as well so, if we can just start by introducing yourselves. And share a little bit about your, background and who you are. What. We're been in amber stone we. Have, been married for. I'll. Be 17 years in May and. We've. Been together since. High school so we started dating when we were seniors in high school and, I, got married just a couple years after that and, just. Really, knew right away I guess that we, were gonna end up getting married. It. Was definitely mutual. Attraction for, both of us right, no. No. Ben. Was more interested, but I grew to love him yeah, oh. Yes. And I like to share that I wasn't ready to be, married, when we were married but, there was an immigration factor, yes I, born. In Canada and we live in the United States and. After. Dating for a couple years we got. To the point where we agreed. That we were going to get married and we. Had a difficult, decision to make we had to either. Kind. Of change our plans or change Amber's plans and. Get. Married and struggle. Through the, couple years of marriage while we were still very young and we knew it or. We were gonna have to transition to a long-distance relationship while, I moved back to Canada, my. Immigration status had run out so. It. Was it, was difficult going. Into that decision understanding, that we, knew we wanted to get married and that. We weren't, necessarily ready, to get married and either way it was going to be difficult. So. We. Did, one. Of those tough decisions and, just said let's get married and that's let's, make this work. And, I think we both why I don't think I know we both went into it with. Really clear expectations, that, it. Was gonna be hard but. There. Was no out clause for either one of us we. Were gonna make it work, so. I think that really helped set us up for success because. We just never let. Ourselves think that if this doesn't work we'll figure, out. How. To split up or whatever it was. We. Just knew that it, was gonna be first. Take and I was, gonna be yet yeah so. We've seen a lot of changes. Over 16, years in our marriage but now we have two, kids we. Have an eight-year-old Elise and a five-year-old Nolan, and. They're. At super-fun. Ages right now because, what. I like to say is they. Still. Adore us but. Yet we're done with, the, diaper bags and appleson, so leaving the house is super easy we can just get in the car and go so, it gets do fun things with them but they. Still love him you know it doesn't it, is fun. I. Work. In health care. Which. Is really. Interesting I really like it I work, for a company that sends. Nurse practitioners, into, homes. To and, nursing homes to take care of elderly patients, and. I work on helping make sure that they have everything they need to do their job as well so I work for a really big company but. It's provided, us with the opportunity to, take on some other things and, freed up our time to. Pursue. Other things that we're passionate about yeah. So I work for an organization that does, fundraising. For nonprofits, and. That. Looks like a large gala, events, which. Includes, typically, like Friday and Saturday nights that I'm traveling and meeting a team on the ground somewhere. We, do events anywhere from. American. Cancer Society, to small. Schools. That might have like a school fundraiser so, we do all across the board but, I get to do a little bit of travel and, yet. They get to stay home with, kids during the mink which, love yeah, it, is interesting. That we both have jobs that require us to travel, and. Sometimes it gets a little hectic and we have to figure out who's flying and how, do we make sure that we're, not traveling different. Places on the same day in the same week, and so far we've been able to make it work but. We're not really knowledge it would not traveling on time whether yeah. So. I think both. Of our jobs free. Us up to pursue. Another. Passion that we have which. Is an organization that we run together called, copper bottom and copper. Bottom for. Us started, as a dream six. Seven years ago, just, about.
Watching. People who. Were, running nonprofits. And. Needs. To do fundraising and, we. We, had a lot of friends who were missionaries, or, were. Part of a. Non-profit and, they were just struggling, to raise money and we. Remember. Specifically, if we were staying down with one friend of ours who's a missionary we just said why is this so hard why we, know there are giving people we know that there's enough money out there to do what. You feel so passionate, about and the, thing that you're doing is really good so, why is it so difficult to, get. The money from where, it is to the, people who need it in a way that's sustainable that doesn't just drive, the people who are doing the fundraising crazy. So. We. Started thinking about it and coming up with some plans and out of that came this idea. The. Idea of Copperbottom which we just started this year so we're still. Trying to figure out exactly how. But. The heart behind copper bottom is. Inspiring. People to be generous and people who have the, means and have the ability to do something. Giving. Them the. The. Confidence, that the, nonprofits. Or the organizations, that are giving to are worth giving toward, and. Just, inspiring people really. Around the world to. Define. Something and to, be connected with something so. So far it's been really fun and you get to do. A lot more of the day-to-day. Running. Of copper bottom than I do it's. Just been about cream and, finding a community of people that, are like-minded and, I think there are a lot of people in the world who have. Generous hearts and, maybe. It's a muscle that they want to grow and, become more generous or they don't know how and so we're, just figuring out how to be a community that can, provide. Resources so. Far it's. Very generously. Yeah let's, go thing I like how you phrase, it how. It's working on a muscle, because. Generosity, we found in our lives that you, start with where you. Are and, over. The years it's been really fun, for us to see and look back. At. Our budget every year and see how our giving, has been able to increase and, how our our percentage. Of giving has increased, faster than the percentage, of our income, growth. Which. For us is really fun but thinking. Back six or seven years ago in thinking. About where. We are now and what we were able to do there. Is no way it, would have been very daunting that's, the thing yep we can do that we can commit. To doing that on a yearly. Basis. But. At. The beginning flexing. Those smaller muscles, and just saying hey let's let's start with what we are maybe will stretch a little bit this year maybe we'll try something new or something do something we haven't done, and. Then. Over time just like your, your muscles grow in your body that. That, muscle, of generosity. Just, continues to get bigger and bigger and, it's. Really, fun. For us now to. See other people who have that that inkling and that first idea that here we want to be generous. Reso know how we, don't know where to give or what to give to her and we don't know how. Do we let. This become part of our lifestyle and. It's. Been really fun this year just to see people get, connected with with, the mission and the vision and. Start. Doing something. So. You guys are, just. Starting to live.
Out Some, of the dream they're calling the passion that you guys have and, this is something that, is. Very, new for you but it's probably been in the. Back of your mind in your hearts for a long time and there's probably people out there who also have dreams, visions, of what they want to do in the future but don't know how to get there can, you just, walk us through a little bit from the beginning when you. Knew. That this is something you want it to do and then coming now into this last year when you actually launched, your, company, and your dreams, really, and making it happen, I feel. Like of, the two of us Ben is. The dreamer and, comes, up with the vision and has an idea of something and, I'm, almost. So. Process, driven that. It. Can be so easy for me to hold, back and to want to wait and figure everything out before we start and so I think a big part of it was talking. About it for years and then we got to a point we're like okay we've. Been talking about this we can share it and then when we shared it then it was real it was okay we have to do this because we've started telling, people that we have this dream and I don't know what it looks like yet but, since, we've now shared it now we have to do it and then getting to the point where it's like okay what. Do we need to do first yeah and. I, think, a big part of it was for me and I. Listened. To a few podcasts and, read a few books that were very inspirational but, the, main thing that I needed to hear was just, it doesn't have to be perfect you just need to start yeah and. So. That's been huge. For us just getting. Moving and we might try something and we, might decide that it's it's, not working and we can pivot, and we've already seen that yep, um but. It's. Okay to just try, something and it doesn't have to be perfect and we just need to start but. Yes we've talked about Copperbottom, for. Years for years and, one of the things we got stuck on for so long was a name. Your name what I'm calling we, have this we want to start this organization that, does, this. But we don't really know what it's called in it like how do how, are people gonna connect like that we got really tired with calling into the organization, yeah we. Have to just come up with something yes and, then you came up with the idea of Copperbottom I, just. Got tired of not knowing into, me okay again. Doesn't, have to be perfect let's just find a, name and so I literally, started, google searching like what are some common. Phrases that you may have heard of before but you don't necessarily know, what yeah. And so. We. Somehow. In that list I I found Copperbottom, and I think it was literally, like on my phone laying in bed and you were already asleep that night and I shared it with you the next day but I'm a copper, bottom and. At first were like oh yeah, that doesn't mean anything to me and then we talked about yeah. Yeah. And the meaning is, really, cool so. The. Meaning, comes it's basically, a nautical term back. When ships were all made out of wood the. Ships that were the most trustworthy had. Copper bottoms literally entire bottomless ship was made out of copper and, that was overlaid over the wood and. The things. That resonated, really for. Us were the fact that a copper bottom ship just. By looking at it if they're sitting in the water you wouldn't know that it was a copper bottom ship, but. It, was unseen but, it was this this. Kind of stamp of approval, that. If. You walked up and you said hey is this a copper bottom ship and you were told that yes then. As a merchant you put more trust into that. Into. That ship or into that vessel because, you. Knew that it was it was better supported, and. For, us as an organization, we thought that's exactly, who we want to be we don't we, don't have these grand ideas of. Starting. A new nonprofit or finding, a new cause or, doing. Doing. Something new that someone that hasn't thought, about before because there are a lot of really really great organizations, that are out there, our. Hope and our desire is that, we can inspire generosity, in people so. That. When. They. Do want to give they. Feel confident, that what they're giving toward is something that's worth their time and.
Not. That we like I said not that we want to come up with a new, way. To give or do something to give toward but, if someone's hears that this organization is a Copperbottom organization, they feel like they. Have a greater level of confidence, I mean. What their dollars are doing what their time was is ultimately, going toward, so. The, name really resonated, and I think. Seeing. Those, those. Kind of those benchmarks, those things, that they kind of post take the ground say okay once we get past this thing, and. I think back. Seven. Years ago that there were a few of those things where we thought, okay, we don't, really know where this thing is gonna go and. We don't even really know what it is we just had this idea of connecting, people yeah, but we know that we need to do this this and this and, I. Think, it was just being faithful with the things that we knew that, we knew nothing led us up to it, and. Your. Ability you said that I was a dreamer I. Also. I almost called you the executioner. You're. The executor. Executor. Is much better than execution. This. Is the executioner, of my dreams. But. Our ability to sit down and have conversations and. Just say we, want this thing to hang and I. Can, tell you, that. It's gonna be great and that this is gonna be world-changing, we're gonna do this thing and people are gonna connected and then, for you to sit back and say that's great but what are we gonna do first right and how. Do we make sure that give, me a task give me a task and you said that's real multiple times as hey I'll. Accomplish whatever you need to it of course the week just give me the, list of things to do and. I. Really, think. That's. One of the hallmarks of us. As a, married couple as. We've had we've had a couple of businesses that we've run together and we've we've. Done some other, other. Things that we've been employed, at the same place and. Our. Lives, are very intertwined. And. For us it works because we are able to have those dialogues and we're able to challenge. Each other and push each other and say no. I really, think in this situation you need to dream bigger you need to think about the bigger picture and vice. Versa you can come to me and say that's, great but we need to think about the details and how do we what. Do we do today maybe, that's going to help us get there and, somewhere, in the middle and the dialogue, we. End up with the. Steps and then, a few years later we look back and like holy cow look at that when, we did this thing oh. It's. Been really really fun version. So. If you could sum up in three. Pieces of advice what would you give to couples. Who are wanting. To pursue their dreams, this next year what. Would you say the three steps though three things, that they should do to prepare themselves to go for the dreams I. Have. One okay, I have one two okay you wanna go first sure um I. Feel. Like one really, important thing is creating. A community, around you of people who believe in what you're doing. Being. Vulnerable, enough, to share. What. Idea you have or what your goal is or what your dream is. Because. There are people there's so many people in our lives that really love us and want to be invested, in us and. Maybe. They'll. Think our idea is crazy, but maybe, they'll, be, the firestarter that we need, and. That's. What we found we found that so. Many people have. Just been incredibly, encouraging, and. Just, proud. Of us they share that with us and, that. Really. Helps us to you know keep moving it's really humbling yeah. When your friends tell you that they're proud to be your friends like yeah hmm, that's, really cool the. One that I thought of immediately was a. Lot. Of people talk about how. Difficult it is to take the first step but. I actually think the second step is more difficult because. Anybody. Can step out for a day you, can you can try something, but. Then what do you do when you fail what, do you do. When. All of a sudden you step out and. You. Look around you and realize you're the only one standing there and. Everybody. May be looking at you and thinking that you're crazy or that you're trying to do something no one else has ever done before, and, I think that's probably where most people fail is, where they. Feel like okay I'm I'm getting I'm, gonna work up all this confidence and I'm gonna step on and try to do something and then. All of a sudden they feel like they're alone and they don't have a community around them and. They. Get afraid and then they kind of step back into. Where. They were before and say well no that that, didn't work so I'm just gonna stay back here, but.
When You really have a dream and you have something that is really worthwhile. In, those difficult times staying, out. And. Not stepping back into what you were doing I think is even, more difficult. But. That's where the or it is, because. That that's what separates the people who are successful from. The people who try. Something and, unfortunately. Unable to see the success of it yep, and, the third one maybe would just be to. Face your fears it doesn't have to be perfect, yeah something. We always tell our kids, is to, find, your brave use your brave, and. Then something that we have to do - yeah, specifically. For me. That. I don't. Have to know all the details before we don't start, moving on something, but. To just face. The. Fear of the unknown and did you start yeah. I think. You're. Spot on, because. I think. Especially. For people like, us, who. Expect. A level of quality maybe, you don't want to do anything unless you know that you can do it well yeah, but. Often times the well doesn't come until you do this second, time and. Or, you have to write. Yourself, okay, that didn't work yeah which. Is not fun no it's not but, you know I think the, the interesting thing about that is I, mean we have we. Have a reputation from our friends I think and the people around us that we do things with quality when you're people in our home, people. Have an expectation that things are gonna be sent out really nice and things are gonna be, it's. Gonna be a fun, time or there's, gonna be a lot of detail, and. So, we have this this expectation of quality for ourselves it's. Difficult, to. Step. Out knowing, that the, very first time we try something that we've never tried before and we don't really quite frankly know what we're doing it's, probably not gonna be that quality we don't want anyone to know right, um so yeah. I think that's great advice step, out when you know it's not gonna be perfect but just do it anyways. Awesome. Thank you so much now, let's, talk a little bit about when. Those, difficulties. And challenges do. Arise when, you are following your dreams you, talked a little bit about that but, what what do you suggest you. Do when those failures. Come or challenges. Arise how do you deal, with that. One. Of the things I feel, like is we've had to just as. Far as our marriage, come. Together as a couple mm-hmm I never. Be. Against each other no but. Or. Blame, the other person cuz, I can me to do it didn't, work out because of something that you did yes um but, to just. Come. Together and, to be on the same page and to. Be. Unified. Yeah. You, know I think that's a tough, question because. Every. Failure is different, and, you. May do. You. May do things exactly, the. Way that you're supposed to and you might do them all right and you might still fail and. I think those are really hard times and we've had a couple of those but saying man. I've no I still, don't know why this didn't work and, I. Don't. Know I think in those moments. Having. The people around you, going. Back to your point of creating a community yeah, and. I'm. Not talking about just people who are gonna. Superficially. Encourage, you because they, want you to feel better but, can actually sit down with you and say all right you're not actually looking at this 100%. Correctly here's. Here's, some other things that happened that you probably, aren't seeing because you're in the middle of it and and, getting. That context, in that perspective from. People that you really close to so it really goes back to your point if you don't let people in early. On, when. You do come across failure, you're. Gonna have to analyze it yourself and, you're not gonna be able to see all the details that someone else could be seeing, and. Recognizing, that, when you do that and really, you just said it when everyone in ceará your spouse that, when. They tell, you things that. You. Did that probably weren't the best choices they're. Not against you they're on your side. So. I think, having that community, is just, really. Really important and sometimes it's it's. Not it's big, of a deal as it seems right it's, like. Painting, your room and if, you're the one who did the work you can see all the little tiny flaws you know but when. A guest comes into, your home they don't see those tiny flaws they just see a freshly painted room and it looks great, yeah, anything. Sometimes we have to remember our failures a little, bit like that where they're just little, tiny flaws and they're not you, don't have to stop us yeah.
Yeah. Why. Is the word thank. You, now. Let's take a, moment and reflect. On your. Relationship. And you, two work together as, a dynamic duo I like to say you. Are quite a power couple and you work together quite, well how. What. Factors. Would you say that. Make. You work together as, a team and what. Helps you. Become. Unified. With. The different giftings you both have different strengths, how. Do you come together and, work together as a couple on many, different fronts whether it's in work or in marriage in parenting. How. Do you work together. How. Do I work well together I, think. We're. Complementary, in our skill set fishing, I. Think. We. Both. Bring the perspective, that at. The end of, the day we want whatever we do, to. Be something that's of quality. Mm-hmm, and we. Know. Because. We've been together so, long that, if we both work on that together we. Can get there and. That. I think the third piece of that puzzle is understanding. That were. For each other right, we're on each other's team. Thinking. Is just, you're. My biggest encourage, er and hopefully, you can say the same I can't you are my biggest fear. Um. But. Man. That's huge yeah to just have somebody. In your life who's constantly. Telling. You that you're doing, great and signets I mean even in those years where. Um I. Didn't. Have a lot of work outside the home and it was just home, with littles, and. Having. A husband, who could come home and give, me the encouragement that I needed because, I wasn't getting him from, my work and I wasn't getting it from her children. Its grateful as they were they, weren't telling me you, could do any great job. Yeah. I think. There's. A an. Aspect. Of humility that goes along with it, and. What. I mean by that is. Accepting. That, you are doing a job and accepted any encouragement it can be challenging but, moreso. When. You. Ask for how things could be better and, when things I mean. We. Haven't even stumbled. Into what we've got I mean we got. To bless us with a lot and we feel very very fortunate very blessed with who. We are and where we are but. It's also taken a lot of work and, I. Know. Without, a shadow of a doubt that I, wouldn't be where I am in my career I wouldn't, be where I am in, my education, I wouldn't be where I am as a father, and I wouldn't be where I am as a husband if. It weren't for you and if it weren't for you. Challenging. Me and pushing me to. Do better, there. Are a lot of stops along the way where we could have said well that's good enough and. When. We were talking about it with, my, mom and dad and. Theirs. Before. You and I met. When. I lived in Canada and. I mean, my parents asked me what do you think would have happened if you just stayed in Canada like well I probably would have married some girl and I'd be doing something. Completely different, and I definitely wouldn't be who I was who I am today. And, it was really funny thinking, about that conversation that conversation, you and I had just a couple days ago.
Where. I, don't. Remember what we were talking about but we both said man, we. Bring out the best in each other and we both, we. Both challenge. Each other to think. Beyond, what's. In front of us. And, going. Back to why, I brought that up I really, think that it takes humility on, both, of our ends mate to say. You know what I could. Do more I I could become I can. Become a better father I can, become a better husband I can, become better at my job and. Accepting. Those, things that sound like criticism which really aren't. And. Sometimes sacrificing. Mm-hmm. When. We were first married I had. A year, of college they had to finish and. Then. I finished, but it it, delete you being able to go to school and I think there. Was a moment that that was frustrating where I was single now amber has a degree but I don't and then I. Had. To sacrifice and. Just work and allow. You to write go, to school and fulfill the things that you, don't wanted to study. And. I think being, a okay, doing that yeah for. Us it's work to just kind of take turns like, a table, for four now it's your season to grow in your personal development. And. You. Know I could still be my season and just kind of talk through you, know not be selfish in their decisions but right to be selfless, yep, yeah, yeah. I think. For. Us, that's. Been one of the keys because. We. Come out and, we talk about those decisions as it. Affects our family and you, do a really good job of saying, that all the time is okay, how is this decision, going to, affect our family, not. Yes. Is gonna be a good decision and help you advance in your career but, how. Does how does taking this new role or how does moving to this new job or how does taking this new class or how, does it affect our family life, and. I. Mean even, to the point where in. Grad school I. Would. Take semesters where I only had like I would take one class because too much two classes was gonna be too. Much of a strain on our frustrating. It, was, wondering. Yeah because from my perspective I thought if. I just finish this thing that our families can be better but you really kept our family front for in formulas and said no. In the season, we. Need you home yeah. When you're not traveling when you're not in school and adding. One extra class is going to be too much and when I come you'll do it.
So. I think always. Keeping. Our. Broader family. In. Mind when we make decisions, helps. Us make really. The best decisions. Thank. You for those reflections they're really, wise words if, you can sum up in three. Pieces of advice from, your 16. Years of marriage. And. Working, together as, a couple. Can. You sum it up very briefly three, pieces of advice that you give to other couples who are married, and, may, be looking to pursue their. Dreams together as, a couple, what. Relationship, advice would you give to them. Remember. That. You're, married. And. That. When. You enter into, business. Or organization, or something like that there's. This part where you have to. Manage. Like you're working with a business partner but. Remember. That this is a business partner that you go to bed with at night and. I. I. Would just something up like that just remember, that you're married, and that. When. You handle difficulty, you still have, the responsibility. To your spouse to, handle it as a, partner, in your marriage and, not just a partner in business. Yeah. So sometimes two, like we have to set aside time and carve out time where we get to just dream and those. Things don't just happen right we, have, to be really intentional on making, sure we're setting aside that time to you, know set, goals for our family not just personal. Goals but family goals and goals for our kids and financial. Goals. So. We try to make sure that we card that out then we're really intentional, with that yeah. But. We. Also. Sometimes. Just, have to have date. Night to, just enjoy each other and not talk about right. And that's something that we've done for years even, before we started copper bond and when you go over to other jobs. Together it was yeah this night everything. About work is off the table and. And. That can be challenging we've. Literally, there. Are times are like okay I have to read current events today because there's. Nothing, to talk about because if we're not gonna talk about our. Kids and our finances, and write our, work, you know what else is there what else is there yeah. But. It's been really good to me really good, so. Stretch ourselves to, stay connected that way so it's a balance, it's a balance, so. Remember, that you mean, two. More pieces of advice yeah, the, second one was carve out time carve out time okay, yeah sorry, that you're building, on line okay. Very very carve out time. This. Goes along with I think both of them. We. All have. Expectations. And when we start something that is gonna be like the best thing that's gonna last forever yeah. But. Your marriage really isn't thing that lasts forever so. Know. That it's uh if something ever has to give. That. You can, always tear another organization, that's good just, and. I think that's the one thing that is really. We. Decided really early on and we got some really great advice from some. Mentors of ours when we first got married and. We. Do not allow the word divorce to come up in conversation, in our home we. Don't joke about it we don't want when, we get angry we don't throw it around as a as, a. Tool. To get the other person to get riled up for anything that we just don't. Because. For. Us that's not an option it never has been and. Our. Daughter came to me the other day and she's. Learning about blended. Families and different things and and. She. Came to me she's very concerned and she said daddy what if you and mommy ever get divorced I said don't worry it's just not gonna happen because for us it's just not an option I know that that that can, sound arrogant and he can sound like well. Where do these kids I know about being. Married and why would they say that that's not an option but it's just, for. Us it, just isn't, and. If. Copperbottom, were. To go nowhere. That's. Fine, but. This. Has. To stay mm-hmm and I'm not willing to make, decisions, that make. Copperbottom be successful at the, expense. Of of. This, yeah. Are. Your marriage oh that's. A great one. Creating, a life of generosity is, something that we've noticed is it's. Not, generosity. Isn't something that, people. Openly talk about and. I just find, that so interesting and. I. Would. Like to know more why like right why, is it that, when. I sit down and have dinner with my friends one.
Of The topics isn't hey what are you giving towards right and what, is it that holds, us back from sharing. That or having that be at the forefront of our life right I think, that's a really good question yeah. There's. Something there's, something something, that. Holds. Us back from feeling, like those, are conversations we can have right because it could, be this. Really really cool thing that if we were sitting down with groups of people understand, hey I found, this thing and I, think it's really making a difference and this is how we're supporting, it I, know. That if some of our friends came to us and said hey we're doing this thing like well let's take a look at it so you mean what what is it what how. Can we help, because. If it's important to our friends and yeah, so, why why. Are those conversations. Challenging, you know what could we be doing differently that, would inspire, right, those conversations, to happen yep great, question yeah. You.