Grow Your Business with Ease: Leading with the Feminine. With Paula Lacobara.
Are you a woman in business. And have you ever wondered how to really master your energy and how to create success on your terms? And most importantly, how to balance your masculine and your feminine energy in a beautiful way so that you can feel aligned and powerful and confident in your business? Well, today I'm talking to Paula, Lacovara about feminine energy and feminine principles so that you can create that success you want, but only do so on your terms before we get started, make sure you hit the bell and you subscribe to our channel. So you're always notified when we have new episodes become available here every single week. Welcome to powerhouse business on YouTube. I'm your host, Carolin Soldo. I'm a business owner, business scaling master, and mom of two boys. I love thinking big pushing boundaries and doing things differently.
Most of all, I'm all about achieving massive growth with ease and helping you scale your business by living the life you love. Let's go. So let me introduce Paula Lacovara. Paula is a transformational coach and an international speaker who teaches women entrepreneurs to activate and integrate feminine principles so they can experience more ease, flow, and magic in their everyday life.
She teaches women how to balance their feminine and masculine energies in life and business so they can create sure, fulfillment and meaningful success when their terms welcome, Paula. Hi Paula. Thanks so much for being here. I Caroline. So happy to be here. Thank you for having me. Yes. We have a juicy topic, so, so important. And um, I want to jump right in with you feminine principles and what that means to you. And it's such a big topic, but I think before we go there, what I'd like to do is talk about what it looks like when we're sort of out of balance. And because I think we start to think about, you know, as women,
how we show up and how we feel when we get to the point where it's not feeling so good anymore. So maybe bring us there to start off with and talk about how we, how we know when we're out of alignment. And when we sort of need to get back to our core, I feel like when women operate from masculine energy and they're disconnected from their feminine, they feel that something's missing, but they keep covered in it up, right. They know what it is, right.
We can connect because we're so busy in making things happen at achieving, um, doing, making things work, being there for everybody. And it's kind of a trap because. When we can connect with ourselves with the truth of who we are, who we are, who I am, who you are, then we fall into having to prove our worth instead of feeling worthy.
Yeah. I mean, I've been talking to so many women about this idea of feeling this pressure to do more and be more and show up more, especially, you know, in business, but also women who have, you know, jobs in corporate, it's the same thing. We need to sort of fight for our right to be there, to have a seat at the table, so to speak. And many of them, we blame a lot of different things,
obviously all of the expectations and the goals and this and that. But it's, it's interesting that many women or most don't say that it's the imbalance. They blame other things they don't see. They don't see that. Right. They don't realize it. So talk to me about how, you know,
from your point of view, how to women see success, like how do we define that. Before? I want to add that you just said something super key, which is this be more, have more, do more comes from a place of scarcity, which is not the true, the truth of who we are. Does that make sense? And so we are doing it to prove again, to, to show that we are enough and it comes more from that like pressure working hard competition, we're vibing at this masculine level. And this applies to success that we have to be like men in a men's world. And because we haven't received enough examples of what feminine power really looks like, because the ideas of feminine came from being weak, submissive, passive, no hell. Now I don't want that. And I get it. I was one of them, but I didn't realize the power that the feminine holds, which comes with. And I'm not saying to ditch the masculine whatsoever.
That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about bringing it together, doing the tango and I'll show more about that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've built and it's,
it's easy to fall into this trap or sort of become more and more masculine over time because it gets you results. Right? I've built my business, it all of the masculine ways, right? The numbers and the structures and showing up confidently and leading and wanting more and you get the reward because you get the growth and it pays off. But then eventually it's when many, many women in particular and sometimes men to sort of hit that wall where things overwhelming. And that's when we, when we see them talk about, you know, feeling burnt out, feeling anxious, not knowing what they want anymore. And that, that was me too.
When I restructured my business in 2019, I didn't know what I believe wanted anymore for a long time and why I wanted it, like the reasons behind it. Uh, and that's when I began to seek the answers. So that's feminine started calling, right? Yeah, absolutely. It defining thing is like, and I really, this for me, made a lot of sense to talk about feminine and masculine. Some people might not connect with this, but this gave me like such a clear picture. And when you think about the qualities of the feminine, it's about abundance. It's not about scarcity. So it's not,
it's not about having to prove that you're enough, but feeling enough and being in that space of sufficiency. Yeah. Well then the doing and being more comes from that fullness of who you are not in that there's not enough. And I have to fill a hole that it would never be filled from the outside in, but from the inside out, that is. It's very interesting and probably a very new perspective for many people because we see the feminine as not achieving as much, right. Those are stereotypes. So I think the hardest part for, you know,
ex high-achieving women is to look at feminine characteristics as desirable in terms of success. Like it doesn't somehow go together. But what you're saying is that we use it when, once we embrace it as a core, we actually are able to become more successful on our own terms. And that's how you describe it, right? Yes, yes, exactly. Exactly. And so for many of us, there's a period of adjustment and I'm not going to lie.
That has to happen at some point, because if you're doing something from one place, then we gotta, you know, shift the wheel and, and bring this back home. And so connecting with yourself and knowing what feels true to you will bring you more fulfillment, happiness, and satisfaction than anything else than having to continue to climb a ladder that might not have anything to do with you. But when you don't stop to feel and connect and see what your truth is, then that's when we find ourselves like something's missing that. We're lost into, why am I doing this? That was me too.
I was doing all the things, checking off the boxes and yeah, the success happened. It was great. Oh my gosh. I started to buy all these things and I started to do all these things and travel. And this, at some point I realized that, wait a minute, I was kind of like in the, you know, I would say at that time, for me, it was like the top of the mountain. And I looking around at who's with me, what happened and parts of me were left behind because I didn't have time. And I feel like this is something that a lot of us, I don't have time. I don't have diamond. We're operating in that, like, you know, like a machine, like a, we call it like a, like a rail, right? Like a train. And you're putting the calls in the, you know,
just to keep it going. But is it really connecting with who, what feels true to you? What your true desires when we're in that never ending cycle, we don't even, we're not even stopping to connect with our desires because desires and goals are very different things. Visions and goals are very different things. Yeah. So. How far do we have to go until.
We, we realize this it's, I guess it's an independent thing. Like it's, it's unique for, for everyone. I feel like the first thing that is the most threatening for us women, myself included. And you know, this is to create this phase. Yeah. And do I allow this space? And perhaps we can, maybe this is something that not a lot of women really know what the feminine is really about. And I want to ask you about that. Yeah. Right. So maybe we can talk about that because it's not about passive.
I mean, Oh my gosh. Like I remember like the ideas of, of the feminine women, you know, like you can bring emotions at work. Like emotions are a waste of time. They drag you down, you can't. And so, but without a think about this without connecting with our emotions, we are so tight. Like we're living life so tight. There's no expansion of the, of the fullness.
And there's no room to receive, which is one of the qualities of. Feminine. Yeah. It's been enjoy leaves, fight. That's when, when, when the joy and the fun and, and the, the, the peace of mind and the carefreeness when then all that goes away. Yeah. Have room to flow. The feminine is about slow. You have room when you,
when you're all tied, like no control, you know? Cause that's, that's the ideas of the masculine choo like control, dominate, like get it done. And a lot of us, when we are in over drive in our masculine energy, that's where we go and do, it's a survival, not be no gain. You have to make it work. And, and then that's when, yeah. It's exhausting. It. So even for women, and I don't know if many women know this, our feminine body is not designed to run at that speed. It's it's a biological thing.
And you can't fight nature on this. Yeah. It's not designed to hold stress the same as men. This a fact I didn't invent this. Don't shoot the messenger. Nope. I believe so. So you said, keep going. I want to summarize, there's so many things you're saying, but yeah, it keeps so, so healthy. That's what you should know. That that's just what it is and we don't get it.
And then we get sick. I mean, I was at the top of the mountain and now it's like having allergies, like never before stressed, I couldn't sleep in this, like constantly, like in my head it was exhausting. It, it is. So, you know, and, and if you're watching right now and you're a woman, right. You might ask, you know, what does this talk about? Being feminine? And a lot of women don't really, you know, want to embrace it or even know what it means to them.
But because it brings success, it brings money. It brings fame, all these things. But to Paula's point, you know, your health begins to suffer. You can't sleep, you gain weight relationships. So many people put those relationships last, including the social life and the friends, and then also like the partners. Right. So looking at those marriages, looking at that passion,
the kids, the type. Yeah. I are, yes, yes. That's from the feminine. We leave it behind because clearly, and it's true. This is a reality.
We don't have time for this. You see? Yep. Yeah. And it's real, right? It is, it is real. So it means we want to have, you know, let people know that they can have it all, but there also needs to be some, you know, intentional choices in terms of where we focus and Edward time. You know what I like to say? And I was just talking to one of my groups right before this call. So I was like, perfect. It's like, you know how like, things get, like, bring it to your present moment.
I feel like I want to shift the, you can have it all to you can. What you want, what you want. Yeah. Oh yes. Good one. Because you know, like you can have it all, like, what is all, it feels really overwhelming and almost like kind of a fantasy land when you think about it. Oh yeah. Right. Paula, like, what are you talking about? No, you can have what you want, what, and then for that, you need to know what's true to you, what you really want.
And I remember the very first time I hired her and she asked me, what do you want? Literally, I was looking at her like she had three heads because as women, seriously, I'll never forget that moment. I was like, you know, like a dog confused, like what, what, what, like can compute my mind could not compute because we're so as women, especially, we're so conditioned to do for others and be there for others. We're so afraid that if we give to ourselves, if we receive, we're going to be selfish, we're going to, we feel guilty. We're going to look greedy. We're going to look like we don't care. And that is detrimental for our feminine, because the feminine is all about community relationships.
And so then it's that, it's, it's just so confusing when we're stuck in our head, which most of us are, especially as ambitious women, strong, independent, you know, we want those things. We want to, we have ambition in life. But the messages are, I'll just go, go, go everywhere. Right?
So we're being told and applauded for getting the jobs and making the money and running the business and doing all these things. But at the same, and being beautiful and being thin and having all wrinkles and all this, but then also at home, you know, of course we still have to look after the kids. And of course we have to have a beautiful house. And of course, you know, our husbands say, you know, good job heinie running the business, but Oh, by the way, I know I need your time because we have a relationship happening here too. And then eventually it's like, what? What's happening? Like how, you know, you just can't do it all. So let's assume that someone is already seeking.
Like we're speaking to people who are very much looking for solutions. They're open that, that you said the feminine is calling them and they may or may not really know that right now. Talk to me about, um, you know, what, you might call feminine principles because I want to make this sort of feeling, you know, me, my mind is very like, step one, step two is step three is very like tactical. And like, what can I do right now? So how do we begin to bring this into our lives and into our being? Yeah. The first thing that I would say is that the value, your value as a woman, it's not in how much you achieve, but in who you are. So from the feminine,
your value is about who you are. Not what you can do. Yeah. If Paula women associated their self-worth with what they do. Yes. And that's because it's this masculine patriarchal society. We don't need to get into the semantics of this,
but we that's how the world worked. That's be examples that we received and so, or beauty. Right. But it's like, again, it's like, that's, it's about who we are, is about the connection with our heart. And that's what we forget. Yeah. Because what we learned is that it, everything about outside everything outside of ourselves is what makes us valuable instead of who we are. And of course,
we received this messages growing up from society, family, church. I mean, you name it. And so this is not the blame. This is how the world was the knowledge. This is what we're sharing right out was only available. I want to say,
maybe in the last 20 years at this level, now from the seventies we've been having right. Already a shift, but it's still it. Now there's more of a refining process and really understanding because there weren't that many examples in history Bible, you don't see women feature as powerful.
We really don't. No. Yeah, no, I do. But, but you know, let, let's go back to who we are. So let's, let's say you have this woman in front of you at pretend, you know, maybe this is me and I'll say, so I get that, but how do I find, how do I figure out who I really am? And isn't it also about like, self-love, I have to sort of love myself just the way I am right now so that I can cut off the idea of the achievement that's necessary to be good enough. Yeah. So, um, there are many steps, but what I want to share is the feminine is about being, and that's what we were talking about, right? Like the qualities of the feminine. And then I'll share a little bit where you can start with, which is what I just shared about my coach, who is, she asked me that first question, what do you want? You know, um, the feminine is about being not doing now doing is not wrong. Again,
we need both, but without the being the doing has no meaning. Yeah. Good one, no purpose. Yeah. Right. So in order for us, and when we start with a V B,
which is what I was calling part of the vision, then we are tuning in and things, opportunities. We're tapping into a higher wisdom. That's what we do when we connect with a being the feminine is about receiving, attracting magnetizing and aligning with our desires. When we do that, then that's when things start happening with ease, when there is a flow we're connected to our true nature.
So we start by looking at what we want and making, making a list. It sounds very, very basic, but really exploring, you know, looking around life and saying, what do I really want versus what I, what have I been going for? What do I have, where do I go next? And then once we get clear on that, it's also about really doing it right. Allowing ourselves that's the heart. That's also really hard. That is. Yeah. Because it's listening to that, right? So you can do a list of all the things that right now feel important to you. And then get a little closer look and say, is this true to me? That is a really powerful question. That's this field true to me,
making a million dollars by 2022, is this true to me? If it is great, because that means that you are aligned, but if it isn't, is it true to me to, uh, to travel all over? Is this true? I remember, you know, I was at the beginning when I started my journey as a coach, I was looking at these coaches who had, you know, they were dressing beautiful and they were traveling and, and I did all the things. I started to buy clothes, which I still do. And I love, so that was really aligned with me. I love it. And I still love my, my water of it. I still get, you know, that's one of my values, um, does having pretty clothes, but then the travel, for example, this was really hard for me because, Oh my God, I'm a jet setter. And I remember I would put hashtag jet setter and it was great. Every time I had to pack, Oh my God, Caroline, it was a mess.
So that's what I'm talking about. I mean, it looks great on picture and on paper, but it wasn't my truth. Yeah. It's, it's so hard. I've,
I've worked with so many women and so many of them understand it and really are opening themselves up to it, even if it has to be happened slowly, but there are still some who are so the strive to reaching whatever goal they set, whether it's money or a title or whatever is so hard and giving it, giving it up. It's just not even possible for them. Even though they know that I can sleep. My mind is racing all the time. I, I really, I feel uninspired.
I can't even do my work anymore. I don't even know why I'm doing it, but I will not give up this goal. So, right. It's really hard to crack that open. That's amazing that you bring that up because that, that it's, it's the tango think about it. If you're not inspired, you're taking action. Yeah. Solely from the doing,
which is why we were talking about. So if we don't create this space, because we're like in go, go, go, and we don't create the space to access that inspiration. Then we're dragging our energy.
We're depleting our energy instead of infusing our energy with that passion and that fire. So that's the main difference. By the way, when we come from the place of passion and fire, we manifest, we shorten the gaps and we manifest much quicker than if we work from that depleted energy. Absolutely. And maybe this sounds magical to some people, but there's real, there's real proof. Right? In, in the effect, in the results that we're getting and how long things take out this one client, she said, Carolyn, it takes me a whole day to even buy my email, my email newsletter, because I don't know what to say. And I am just so drained. And, um, that's, that's the thing. That's when you are on that space.
So yeah. Talk to me more Paula, about what you do with clients like that. Um, what are some.
And so what happens in that space when exactly what you were saying is, Oh my gosh, we're so good at, but in pressure on ourselves, criticizing, judging ourselves, you know, we're just cracking that whip nonstop, exhausting. And so bringing self-compassion yeah. Compassion. It shows. Why would you do like, think about it. If you were look at a little girl, would you do that to a little girl? Well, that's you and your emotional state, then you're feminine. You know, you're punishing yourself, you're doing all the things that perhaps you received.
And it is a part of the healing that needs to happen to just really face that, that, that you were on the receiving end of it. And without even realizing subconsciously, now you're doing that yourself. And so now we need to undo that we need to release that. So then you can bring in so that we first, you need to release. What's not you.
And then you create space to bring in the, you that's true to you. If that makes sense. So then that's when the list is clear and you write down, okay, is this true to me? Is this is what I want, but we need to create a space in order to receive. You can, I'm not going to say it, but you can't what whipped cream I'm going to say on top of poop, you know, it's not, it's still, Ooh.
It's hot. You got to go to the core for. Sure. Gotta go to the core and those things. And you know, again, it doesn't necessarily have to take you out of it. Yes. It might be a pause.
It's not as scary as it sounds, because the satisfaction of showing up for yourself and given to yourself what you really need, which is when my coach asked me, what do you need? What do you want? I was like, I have no idea because I was so disconnected, but when you start connecting the it's just so, so relieving to just, I have my back, I know myself, I know what I want instead of having to push and ask. And, and you know, when you go, I'm not coming to the war, but, uh, is not claim is a demand. The demand, you know, that's not, that's not the place, that's not where we can really, um, come from a place of openness.
For sure. So I want people to know that Paula, is it, especially if you are sort of a scientific tech person or as someone who likes to analyze things and really understand you have a method, might you have done a lot of, um, you know, research in this area. You have, you know, TEDx talks multiple, um, several of them and you have what you call an archetype system that helps. And I really love the system because it helps, you know, head type people like me, you know, assess myself, find myself acting in certain ways, feeling in certain ways and also sort of rebalancing. So I believe love that, you know, we're talking a lot of spiritual stuff here, but we also have very sort of, you know, scientific things to help these types of people. And both together, I think is really powerful.
Yeah. You know, I, so I started my, my path with spirituality and it was all great when I was here, everything was so pretty and it was so awesome. And I felt such a fees and I'm not making fun of anybody it's so necessary.
Yeah. That was how I felt, but my conflict was okay, so how do I apply it to my life? So when I came back to her, I call it, how do I do this? I couldn't, I couldn't bridge the gap. And so in my brain in mind, which I also have, and you have, I needed to find a way that it would make sense.
So what I, I was investigating and doing my research and one day came. And for those of you who does this too, who truly at three in the morning, I woke up and after reading and doing so many things and after resting for 10 days and sleeping 14 hours a day, cause that's how burnt out I was. I woke up at three in the morning, in my apartment in New York. And I literally received a download of this personality types, archetypes that describe the four main, um, aspects of a woman. And so now, now it helps now it became a roadmap. I'm not crazy. Okay.
There's four parts of me that I need to understand and get familiar with and understand what they need and what they need to thrive. And once I understand that, then we're all good. Absolutely. So this is like so unknown about the feminine became a very grounding and very easy to digest and understand for my brain so we can be on board. Yes. So,
and I would love to talk to you about that more about what I really want to do is send people your way. Because again, whether you are very spiritual or, or maybe more brainiest upon us, but as Paula said, it doesn't matter. There is a way for you to really integrate that into your life and, and make things better without giving up anything and really figuring out what you really want. That that's so, so important. So what are some of the best ways for women to get started Paula, with this, with these ideas, how should they connect with you? Where can they find out.
More? They can find me on my website, Paula lacovara.com, easy breezy. Um, there is some information there if they want to expand a little bit on the archetypes and, um, yeah, they can find me there.
There's a contact buttons. Um, you can book a call. Um, I would love to meet you if you're feeling that it's like, I needed to crack the code there. Something did not make sense to me. And, and here's the beauty do me. It's about the tango, a woman in tango. She is in her center.
There's no way you can dance tango being in your masculine, right. Like, because you are, that's not our place. And also being like, please take me. Right. That also doesn't work. Yeah. So yes.
They call it the empowered woman. So that's that, I forget what we're talking about here is not to make one side or the other bed. We are the POS messages that it's about the tango, combining dancing, balancing it out, leveraging all the good qualities. And so, yeah, I find me finding first dancing the tango within, because we, all of us have feminine and masculine energies, but if we're not, so if we, if we're not in our feminine, then the masculine needs to go into overdrive. Yeah. Yeah. So when we bring the feminine, the masculine relaxes, and now we can flow together, which is that when you watch a tango clip, it's so beautiful because there's that flow and no one needs to be in their extreme. Yeah. So. I don't recommend that if you I've done so much, self-development over the years. And then when I connected with Paula,
we connected a couple of years ago. And then again, all of what she says makes so much sense to me. And if you may feel really called to do this work and whether it means a lot to you or you even get it right now, I think a lot of women feel like I don't know what all this means and how to, you know, what to start and what to even do. It does not matter the fact that this is calling you somehow means that you should give it a chance. You should give it a shot and, and, you know, and, and really take a chance on yourself. So we talked to Paula, I highly recommend her. I, you know, send my clients over. Um,
she is the real deal and, and very rare, very unique in terms of what she helps women accomplish. And, um, I think everyone should experience it. So Paula lacovara.com, we have the link down below, go connect with her, booking a call and see what's possible for you as well.
So when dad would talk for hours, I mean, literally, and I can't believe the time flies and it goes by so fast, but you are amazing. I can't wait to see more of you more talks and everything. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you. Thank you for the space and thank you for being so amazing and bringing all of this to so many women in this world. Thank you for your work. Powerful stuff. Right? So now if you want to take it one step further,
I have something special for you. I've recently written an ebook. It's a guy to help you fall back in love with your business. So if you feel sort of out of alignment and you're looking to maybe reinvent yourself and figure out what's next for you and how you want to maybe upgrade or reinvent or remodeled your business and your purpose and find your way, like your way of creating meaningful success. Go get my new ebook.
It's the eight ways to fall back in love with your business without giving up anything, your fork. So hard for it. All you need to do is go to Carol in soldo.com/love and download your free book right now. And don't forget to leave us a comment below as always. We want to hear from you. We want to know about, you know, your masculine and feminine energy and how you balance those.
You want to hear about your, our harvest from today's interview. And he also wanted to continue to share these powerful strategies and ideas with people around the world who are here to grow their business with ease and excellence. If you liked this episode, make sure you give us a leg and you subscribe to our channel so that you get notified when new episodes become available here every single week. Have you fallen out of love with your business? This year? I have helped more a business women than ever before. Really reinvent themselves and remodel their business and fall madly in love with the new version of their resonance. More time, more security. Maybe you want to feel more independent.