Family or Fiance Season 2 Episode 10 Monique and Sammy: Mixing Business and Pleasure (Sep 25, 2021)

Family or Fiance Season 2 Episode 10 Monique and Sammy: Mixing Business and Pleasure (Sep 25, 2021)

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getting married and we've been together for six years now we are restauranteurs he was the executive chef he hired me as a general manager i was just like well i could really make monique into something you are absolutely nuts this is a product of me he was the only person i knew that worked as hard if not harder than i did i had never met anybody that had the same work ethic i knew i had somebody that wouldn't quit on me and i think i fell in love with that what are you nervous about you you and connie are the two i don't feel accepted by monique's family i don't force my own family to right to like me on an act with me so i'm not going for it's definitely not going to force somebody else's family yeah [Music] i think there's a lot of people think that their behavior is justified and it's it's not my hope for the next few days is that there's some understanding [Music] but maybe we'll get some results you never know i pray that's my prayer maybe this lady can work magic and take our brains out and throw them away and put new brains in [Music] wow look at this this is amazing i feel like we've made it [Applause] it's been yeah okay we're ready you're ready to work go in take a look around get used to your surroundings you can meet me in my office and we'll get started yes ma'am all right let's do it oh wow look at that kitchen sam yeah can't wait for you to cook us some stuff oh my gosh i chilled his kitchen gorgeous [Music] thank you come on in thank you have a seat so first of all i just want to say congratulations on your engagement thank you thank you big move you're putting two families together what are you telling or not trying to so how long did you date before the engagement three years okay long time and now you guys have a professional and a personal relationship what's that like to have it's mostly professional that's the problem yeah tell me what that means that means you don't have sex and now no no we don't have sex enough and we've done a bad job about focusing on us as a couple instead of us as business owners even my family friends like why do you work like that is that part of the problems with the families now i think her family needs her i need them okay what's wrong with that well it feels like we're playing tug of war with somebody it doesn't make sense to him because he grew up without a family had a horrible childhood so there's a disconnect there why don't you tell me a little bit more about your childhood you were just beat you were physically abused we got the crap beat out of us and we wasn't really giving food i had a really bad upbringing really abusive home i hit the streets at an early age and i was just a really really bad lost young man that's a lot to come through but you come through it though sort of and then it's still there but without dealing with things from the past they come into the marriage i'd like to hear who's coming on my side my daughter kiara's coming alexia my daughter and my sister didi i'm a little anxious i'm nervous to see everybody yeah it's been a minute since everybody's been in the same room chiara is just crazy in the head um she's my daughter but i call her like i see it she is not satisfied to see me with anybody what's her specific problems with money with monique i don't know and i kind of would like to get to the bottom of that okay like why do i have a lack of relationship with kiara because i have a i feel pretty decent relationship with alexia yeah so who's coming from your family for my family my mother my son jamin and my sister connie i'm worried that you know some people may not respond well to other people's truth like somebody might just say how they honestly feel and then somebody might take it the wrong way my mother her issue is just my happiness my son same thing they don't think you're gonna be happy here i i don't know who's your third person my sister connie she never liked sammy from the beginning and sammy never liked her and it's another relationship that sammy doesn't understand the closer that we got the less access that she thinks she's going to have that's it that's all in your mindset i'm starting to understand so what would you want to get out of this i would like some unity like that would feel good to me mm-hmm how about you sami just to know if i'm the problem here's what i find in this process the families usually have a problem with you guys because there's something in there they see that needs to get work done cause they're a mirror here's what's gonna happen families are gonna arrive then you're gonna have the family meeting that's gonna be the first time you're gonna hear what their issues are then you're gonna do your tasks working out the issues that need to be addressed we will meet here each morning unpack how things went i'll give you some new tasks and hopefully at the end of the three days you'll get six blessings can we get to the last day yeah i'm gonna give you your task first monique you're gonna do something called cocktails and conversations okay with sammy's family you're gonna make drinks they're gonna write down their concerns and you guys are gonna talk it out okay sammy your task is to play a game called what if with monique's family they're going to write down what if scenarios and then you're going to answer you can put questions on cards as well what i love about this is that you're gonna be forced to go into things that maybe you've been trying to avoid so your families are on the way cool you mean right now yes they are it's gonna be a great day all right [Music] six burner stove with the griddle to die for all right you can make a good dinner yeah if i'm cooking i don't have to talk i gotta hear what connie's issue is and you know when me and connie get like if it goes south it really goes south and you know that hello hello there's people in this life who i just genuinely don't like but she's family though you keep pushing that envelope and i keep pushing it right back to you right here well they're they're expecting us so because it's not just y'all too involved everybody around sees it too make it real the only problem that i have is when you're somebody's at the door or whatever is that who's supposed to answer the door us oh hello [Music] welcome to my new home the first time i met sammy he said hey and walked away yeah that sounds about right you could sunbathe out here man you might want to stay in when i get in the pool because i broke my phone my main concern is just my mother's happiness but i don't want to fake and shake if we're going to be if we're going to be yeah family yes let's be famous jamin thought you guys were already married you missed the wedding yeah i had it all messed up you got more people here the princesses are here party's here i am a daddy's girl definitely i'm spoiled rotten he gives me everything i want so my first impression of monique was like what is she doing here what's that back there toilet oh i swear i'll be yeah it was weird because it started more so as a work relationship i don't know if there is enough definition between their relationship and the business now let's talk about the creatures back here because you know yeah you guys see there go one right there it's too close to home i can't right there on the steps i don't got time for them well oh well hey guys how you guys doing thanks for coming out here as you all know mo and i are getting married and we thought you all had some concerns and so we wanted to give you guys a chance to speak your piece and address some issues so lex what are some issues you might have i would like to address the fairness with the family across the board just make sure everybody's treated and respected the same way no matter who they are or what role they play in each of your lives dede what issues might you have i have some concerns about what seems to be a lack of boundaries it's not a clear definition of business versus your intimate relationship kr what issues might you have dad since you've been focusing on your relationship with monique i'm just not able to have a regular conversation with you i want to be able to have a genuine conversation without it being a sense of fakeness you know me and kiara we were really really close but at 16 we went just like this right and our love for each other wasn't the same it's like somebody snatching my heart okay jamin what are your issues before y'all get married keep wherever y'all go through issues arguments whatever it may be just between y'all okay mother what are your issues i understand that you all are trying to build something i would hope that you learn to separate business from family okay miss connie what are your concerns one of my concerns is that you don't lose yourself in your relationship business and personal and then another concern is i just want to know like where i stand with your partner one minute we're like having a good time and then if you know we have a disagreement or i say or do something that he doesn't like then it's like we're not speaking you know it's becoming uncomfortable because i don't know where i stand kenny's just somebody who i don't care for i don't desire to have a relationship with her yeah but you can at least be cordial when you're around you yeah i don't know she just i don't know [Music] okay so we met with miss tracy she gave her some tasks to do i'm going to get with monique's family the task i'm going to do with you all is called what-ifs where you'll write down some things on a card put it into a bowl we'll pick out the things and we'll tackle those what-if questions accordingly and i'm going to go with sammy's family to the kitchen and do cocktails and conversation we also will write some things down on paper that hopefully will address some of the issues that we have okay so that's it let's go do our task y'all oh yeah i got some good questions [Music] hello moe oh isn't this fancy yeah all right i'll pick first this is for dede what sort of boundaries would you want to see what works for me may not work for y'all but i don't know if i could work with my partner bring home work with my partner at one particular time i was at your house i'm like oh my god this never ends like never get a break right it's enough issues on the table without that being another thing [Music] yo good afternoon good afternoon so uh the first question what if mo wants to pursue her own passions what if she just didn't want to do like the restaurant i told her to go go do what you want to do you don't have to work your fingers to the bone oh boy do you like me that's cute well i like you yes i like this is there an issue that you have with me personally i think everything was like based off my dad and i'm like dad we have problems you know we have to get to know one another i think it's important for sammy to connect to his side of the family more he has a huge heart but there are some issues that need to be addressed with his daughters before he tries to love there's no verses yeah i want nothing but great things for you start from a clean slate and move forward [Music] what if we moved out of the country and we were no longer so accessible is that what you want us excluded kinda no that's a few that's if you read too deep into it i wish that you could be more like family oriented where you didn't have to feel like it's so um really just not needed i think it speaks to over accessibility we don't have that kind of accessibility in her life we don't we're not overly involved i tell you i'll tell you one thing connie i know a few weeks ago you were moving from one place to another and i know at least for three four days i was trying to get a conversation with monique and she like she said i gotta type this letter for connie i got up and i found them how important is family to you family is important to me family is not a priority to him for him yeah i'm trying to push an agenda that he doesn't have seeing that he was open to coming on here shows me that everybody is willing to try something do different you know we don't want to go the same route that we've been been going the thing about it is i'm really this is shocking me that it's like the question's just like oh wait oh wait wait i'm like jesus y'all know why i cut my family off so quickly like that because they were making more withdrawals than deposits but that's you then dynamics and maybe that's the way they are with you too but our family we're not like that [Music] this is so exciting i believe you whip this up in 30 minutes all right joe so how did y'all how did your task go man it went deep boom good though i don't know about resolve but definitely communication yeah i think it left us in a better place than where we started for sure so our task was to do uh some what-ifs and uh i had to answer them but i also hit them with some waves it was just the same they said it was the same question over and over in different ways oh okay okay what if your significant other disagreed with the amount of time you spent calling mo what if mo asked you all to back off what if we moved out of the country and you were not accessible so the whole thing is don't contact my life right these are all sammy's how many did you write how long you know me oh you're like have you ever put anything in my doorstep no i don't think that's a good thing yeah that's a horrible experience yeah he knows if he needs me i'm there and vice versa we just don't it was just a daughter i talked about the situation that happened maybe three weeks ago with connie as it relates to a real estate deal oh the letter yeah and i saw you typing the thing in the bed and i was just like that ain't not an issue i'm surprised i didn't know that this was an issue right now connie reached out to me from someone's really just venting and i said no i'll do it let me do it cause this is what you're doing is not working but i ain't never been in bed writing a letter for that one that one or this one it wasn't the middle of the night it was the afternoon it was date it took a while we took your week no it wasn't you went in that office of yours i'm not i'm not gonna do this i don't know what the landlord letter has to do with it you know that's connie from my problem no no no no no no problem but it's my oh but it takes time out of me it is my problem they say anything on you don't get it you just don't get it [Applause] [Music] so it seems like there's a amount of accessibility that i'm not willing to go into a marriage with i'm just not gonna have everybody pulling at my lady but like for some reason you do not like me i think the problem from your point of view oh connie is just calling on me kind of just this kind of you don't understand that it goes both ways this is my sister this is what we do for each other we lean on each other show that love for each other i wish i had that love with my sisters [Music] of her okay yeah thank you that y'all need to handle it come here play right there everything you want there she ain't having pc making up something she wants it better real nice in childhood how she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth don't tell me she wasn't done right that don't mean it doesn't i can't sit right here cause i want to be close i want to be close with my damn man i understand that's not going to satisfy every last one of my needs you don't know that kid that's why we're here cause he got some stuff that he got to work on he doesn't understand that he feel like as long as he's providing for y'all and giving to y'all that's how he shows y'all love he don't get that you just need a hug but i understand that and that's what we're trying to get [Music] good morning good morning good morning good morning how are you guys drained and kind of overwhelmed monique your body language is really this way do you feel like what's been happening is making a wedge in between the two of you yeah it certainly didn't help how did your task go i felt like it went well um it was the bringing together of the two sides that where the problem came in and like how i said if we move to another country every question pertain to what if me and mo are gone and so they took it to me that i don't want you all around which i i wasn't saying that what were you saying what if we limit the access why do you think you want them to have not so much access because i want something that's mine i've always had to share i know but you're not saying they're coming for your car you're saying it's monique they want yeah her time her attention monique's family i don't know if they know their boundaries she's not a dumpster you can't just drop trash on her in a couple what you want is for the couple to be the primary attachment now when you have a childhood like yours your attachment gets ruptured so the two of you are kind of having some attachment issues this is not the strongest bond for monique that's what connie's doing she's your primary instead of sammy and you actually perceive that and feel it and don't really like it because naturally we want our partner to be primary to us i do lean to her for things that i should be leaning to sammy for i just don't know that he's interested and i wish he took some time to understand my experiences in life monique is saying connie's meeting a need that you're not meeting for her sammy do you feel like you want more intimacy in your relationship not just business partnership no because i feel like the business partnership is intimacy but i just don't want that to be it there's this idea that couples have exactly as much intimacy as they can tolerate and i get it the reason it's hard to go there is because you're gonna have to go back to that place inside of you that is so hurt where all those feelings are stored up is that scary to you to connect outside of work you know but it's risky risky but you gotta wait a risk and reward what if you don't like what you see what if i don't like what i say what if i lose you [Music] you know i knew that he would be there when i got older that changed is there a limit to what we can do because it needs to be him no because that's how he makes me feel [Music] sammy you can't risk losing each other we're not gonna lose each other we got something good what she want us to tear down like a whole i was like trying to rebuild and hope that that works what if that don't work you'd be like i might not even want to mess with this dude no more you may believe me i'm not going to leave you you can't say that that's what you can't know you can't i can't say that you can't because you don't know what's under those layers huh well how can we say together if i don't know what something like we're just going to because we've been again has it it we're just going to stay in the surface [Music] sorry no don't be sorry tell me what's going on i think sammy's concern is that once we do the work we may discover something that will cause us to not be together it's like we've taken a lot of risks a lot but they've always paid off in our relationships different type of risk in the world like those business risks i know how to navigate through those risks we're going to enter in uncharted waters and i don't think none of us know was downstream when you say that here's what i hear i'm gonna have to go inside and you're afraid that whatever you find there is going to ruin what you have [Music] and what i want to say sammy in terms of risk is that the real risk is if you don't do it you can start actually with your daughter cure's heart why cures me in a female version of me well maybe it's that you have all her same needs but you disowned them maybe you could be for her what you you didn't have what you needed yeah but that's weakness no that's not weakness it is i wasn't awake no you weren't you were very strong no no she's not she's not she's not no you weren't i'm so sorry but you were never weak yeah no and i know you know that deep down yeah just give me something just give me the task the task is to be with kiara and witness her and now we know that you're gonna be seeing her as you and you're gonna give her what you never got you got this and if you want i can help you with that i could be here for that if you want yeah okay monique you are going to go with the rest of the family to a camp down the way there's some activities and you also have your talk with connie there that sammy needs to be primary for you okay this is what we're here for this is why you came [Music] it's our own part you know how to ride a tricycle i feel like i do mark get set go leave with it come on [Music] oh my goodness yeah be back with you what first how are you it's good you're good in my session with tracy i realized that in a relationship your partner should be your primary right sami has not been that for me you are that for me and as a result of that i can accept responsibility for his resentment of our relationship what should be reserved for him i've leaned to you for constantly yeah anybody that doesn't even really know us but caesar views it as some skewed thing we're just closer than we should be right and honestly at this juncture in my life you shouldn't be my person if i'm really going to get married [Music] no i get it i've shared with you that i've dated and guys have said the same thing like it plays a part in both my life i want to at least try to give that role to somebody else you need to just learn to turn to him before you turn to me and turn to me if you need to and when you want to right [Music] hi hi kiara i'm tracy come on in hi sammy hello how are you good good thanks for coming in you know we've been doing work and one of the things that is sort of coming out is that you have a yearning to meet your dad on more of a heart level but and since that's something that you've been asking for i thought maybe to give you a chance to talk to your dad ask for what it is that you want from him [Music] i guess to be able to talk to you more freely i want the relationship that i remember as a little girl you know what did you feel when you were a little girl that you don't feel now you know hugging my dad and feeling the love but like like now it's like i don't know if i feel that same love we were really really close he was like you know the love of my life because i knew he would always protect me and you know i knew that he would be there when i got older [Music] that changed you know kiara i think you did something at 16 that you think is wrong and i knew when it happened i said come here get your dad a hug and your hug was different it was at that very moment i knew something in your life had changed you never hugged me the same after that is that true yeah i mean i really call myself finding love at a young age so so then you you got into some shame yeah and it's and you've never been able to come out of it with him there's nothing to be shameful about you've never let me down never you know deep down inside i go for you like i go for no other and i love you i love you so much i know you would like a hug and i just feel like you can get it here okay oh my gosh you're at the very beginning of what your adult relationship is going to be that's a whole world and your dad needs you too he has a lot of stuff from his own childhood that needed healing i love your kiara i love you too dad [Music] connie i know i'm not imagining what you said to me i do think when you're married y'all need to lean on each other but i don't think that you can't have nobody else in your life that is special and close to you because you're in a relationship that is silly to me connie i get it nana what is going on and then i have to do what we talked about and i explained to her what you were feeling connie did we not have understanding she was hurt she was hurt what i realized today was if i'm going to marry this person i have to be closer to him is there a limit to what we can do because it needs to be him no because that's how he makes me feel it's not about us we could say his family all day at the end they're like that's y'all relationship oh boy i literally every day i don't want you to be hurt man like you know what i'm saying what's the matter just huh you're just talking about what was going on between you and connie and everything like that and is it counting down or something or both freaking out nice you know it's my it's my name as well though wait right here let me let me look where are you in this room back here i believe [Music] come on we're gonna go in here and talk right quick it's been a long day i feel like we're almost there mo and i have a lack of of connection we figured out both detached and so her attachment that she was looking for me she found in connie the person who fought it is is mine or ours if i hadn't done my job and been the man that i should have been we wouldn't be here having this conversation let's let me put it like that so it's so it's not on you it's more on us yeah 100 agree before i didn't feel like i could go to sammy with stuff now i feel like okay the door is open now let me walk through the door [Music] okay [Music] this experience i really feel better than i have about us ever i can't even say in a long time like ever for the first time outside of business we are on the same page and it may not even be a good page but we're on the same page that feels really good i didn't know i was hiding behind the business i just didn't i didn't know that you and connie were so tight because you couldn't get that from me and to hear the day that i wasn't hitting the target was like enlightening that was enough for to get us to this point but i don't think it can sustain us for a lifetime definitely not a marriage that's not enough marriages can't just be all about business but you're seeing what happened when we push through them yeah so let's keep pushing i really feel like i'm in a relationship man we've never had a connection like this [Music] i'm so exhausted and i still gotta do payroll no don't break the moment okay we can't talk about purple after we just kiss him i'm sorry yeah [Music] how are you guys great good really yeah tell me more welcome to day three i didn't think i would get what i needed and i got more than what i needed your willingness opens the door to growth and healing that's how it works how are you feeling monique i don't know if i'm at great but i am feeling good and hopeful okay so let's talk about the tasks how'd your task go i don't know whether it's symbolic but i stepped on the scale this morning and i realized that since being here i've lost 10 pounds no way what you did between kiara and i um it was just like years of weight just taken well finally i saw her as no longer a weak person because i think i looked at shame as weakness the interesting thing though is that it really takes real strength to lean into that and that's what this relationship needs right yes yes which brings us to your task monique how'd that go i thought it was really well when i got up from my conversation with connie i thought that we had an understanding and then we got back home and looked at the bottom fella it was like she didn't get it actually the bottom fell out because she did get it you know when people are getting it when it starts to affect them on a deep level it just took a second so then the bottom falls out because she knows uh oh i'm not going to be able to be in the same relationship to monique that i've been in with her all these years right and again it's how you know you're really doing it because the people around you are starting to make noise right right are you guys so we're about to do the blessing ceremony how are you feeling about the blessings well i don't know my family hasn't besides my son hasn't been showing up at all so i don't know what they're feeling but it'll be okay either way all right i don't want to do the blessing ceremony i was just a choice thing that we could to participate in this or not but i guess we got to face it hi family hello hi um this has been a tough few days and an enlightening few days um we are here for um our blessing ceremony um d.d do we have your blessings when i first came i had issues one that was most concerning was the two of you setting healthy boundaries around your personal relationship since coming here i've seen you all make a commitment to be a team outside of what any of us think and so in terms of whether you all have my blessing you have my blessing thank you thank you lex do we have your blessings um coming into the house i had concerns with communicating amongst everybody and since being here i feel like me and mo were able to have that conversation that needed to be had i'm pleased with where i stand now with you all you have my blessing thank you thank you gerard do we have your blessings since i've been here the cocktails was definitely a way for me and my sister to both get that 101 time with monique i have really gotten through with my dad i do give you guys my blessing thank you jamin do we have your blessings i still feel like since day one your issue is just keeping your business to yourself as far as the blessing go like i already thought y'all was married so connie do we have your blessing well when i first came here i was hoping that you know i could get some type of understanding from sammy what our issues were i just didn't know you guys had these deeper issues do you guys have my blessings to be real no thank you miss lathan do we have your blessing my well when i arrived here my concerns were stepping back and taking time for the personal side of interacting with family friends and over the last couple of days i thought that there was some growth but i realized there's continued issues that doesn't mean that in the future you guys wouldn't strengthen your relationship but in the moment i cannot extend a blessing to enter into a marriage okay a union between monique and i it's gonna happen my attitude is join in but join in at your convenience i love everybody in this room i apologize for anything that i've done in the past present or in the future blame my head and my heart i love you guys we've done work in the last few years but not work like this so i really do thank you for the role that all of you clay i'm confused because i know i came here for one thing and i'm leaving wanting a total another but i am relieved to be a true family a lot of work is going to be required big hug y'all big hug big group hug y'all [Music] overall experience was great i got to spend time with me my sister and my dad which you know it's been a long time since we had that 101 time being in this house has loud conversations that we don't get to have and so i definitely will remember this for quite some time this is some of the most amazing work i've ever seen done on this show this experience i thought was a setup for us to go our separate ways but they hit it they nailed it big smiles everyone familiar [Music] [Music] [Music] you

2021-09-26 01:41

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