I ruined the new Bitlife Business update
hey friends so bitlife released a business update I am a former businessman and a bit life expert so I know exactly how to play this now the first part about a business is branding so I've gone with businessman limited as my name my mother is Crystal limited an insurance agent that is such a missed opportunity she should have started her own Crystal business a law has been passed in Spain outlawing the use of the word literally in instances which the speaker means figuratively that is literally the worst idea I've ever heard FBI open up wait what the hell my mother married Perry O'Reilly she changed her name to Crystal O'Reilly they've stolen my name you know what limited is a much better surname anyway in fact it's actually a really good name because it's a limited name not many people would have it so it's literally limited you know limited is literally Limited yeah that's fine okay I think we're all right what does this road sign mean Tetris Road I love video games wait what and my mother's not concerned about my eyesight no no mother I assure you my eyesight is fine I'm just stupid okay school is over yeah let him go I don't care about your friends oh wait maybe I did businessman limited is limited on Friends wait what is this I went into special careers and now they've Street Hustler what I'm just gonna go straight into business I'm going to start up my own business um what's there a big demand in adult toys that never goes out oh I need 2.7 million I understand I can't just go well I run a business now give me money okay let me rephrase my request what is the cheapest business available a food truck at 268 000. how am I gonna make that much money God damn it there goes my dream of owning an adult toy shop called get fat today's sucks man I'm enlisting in the Army in the hopes that I can just make money on the side and not have any responsibilities your feet are blistering and you're falling behind the rest of your platoon catch up easier said than done but just do it evil stepfather Perry over here hid my sunglasses that's not quite evil but I'm just gonna straight up attack him Opera caught him in the throat oh my God that's a lot of damage ow and ripped my foot and bit my throat my God my stepfather is feral all right get Kent and sack in there to defend me I need to do business over here I'm not guilty I I am guilty all right one year in prison God damn it he hid my sunglasses why is no one understanding that okay so I guess that was one way out of the army I've got a little bit of money but nowhere near enough to what I need perhaps I could be an escort no surprisingly not what about a magician then yeah I got a job as a magician it was just fresh out of prison I don't know if I should be around kids you know maybe I'm an adult magician oh that gives more money pornography historian that might be a good job for you yes good job on that that raised there now we just gotta make 200 000 dollars studying history of pornography all right a junkie just offered me some crack cocaine yeah I mean look at this job he's not pretty happy just just let him have this one thing maybe I should go to the casino so that I could double my no that never works play the lottery instead I didn't win I hate the lottery I can't get any decent job because of my history of assaulting people over hiding my sunglasses all right I'm a porta-potty pumper given my history like my CV is gonna just look so bad I went from pornography historian straight into a porta-potty Pumper foreign raccoon and I died so that's how my businessman's life is going so far businessman worked a supportive body pumper for many years no many minutes is the word you're looking for sadly he's known for attacking his stepfather it just says his life was cut short by a raccoon okay I found someone who might have a worse name than me is you know I'm just gonna move on oh great Crystal married an O'Donnell this time no Perry that's where I went wrong and you know what instead of calling them by the first name I'm gonna try and start off on the right foot I'm just gonna call him daddy O'Donnell okay this time I'll apply to University instead of attacking my father go into Finance there's a lot of money in that ask mother to pay she refused I hate her oh my God the way that is phrased it looks like the game is Just insulting me oh my car that my mother gifted me can't even be repaired because I don't have 52 dollars to do it I might need to get a job pay off those student loans while I'm at it I got a question are you a goal-orientated person and my answers are horrible it's either not really I tend to fall short I set goals but achieving them is challenging or I'm not a fan of soccer and I'm not a fan of soccer it might actually be the best answer here you know what I'm going with it damn it Team Edward or Team Jacob neither why are you okay they gave me the job it was a trick question I appreciate that all right we just need to save up a bit of money and we can buy a business you met a young lady named Dixie do you you don't have a lot of money maybe that would be a good strategy you are insane though so maybe you would invest in my food truck idea ask her on a date but in the meantime set up a dating app we're looking for someone very old with a lot of money there we go I'm not saying I'm a gold digger but my actions do imply that yes yes I am a gold digger okay I don't even have to kill her I just have to marry her and then I can use her money oh no she's suffering from constipation this could be the end we gotta get married now okay and with that disturbing noise they've made love okay the relationship is all full she's constipated confused now is the time to ask oh but first I need to go buy a ring something she'll appreciate look at that emerald ring look at that yes spider she'll love it take her to the lighthouse so you can be like God just like this Lighthouse You Light Up My Life also buy me a house she accepted yes okay now they just gotta get married plan the wedding quick before she dies Vineyard yeah perfect and yeah Grand Canyon oh my God that's so expensive can we have you know what I'll pay for it now because I need your money for something else that's a lot of money I can buy whatever business I want agreed to sign the prenup it doesn't matter I'm not getting divorced I'm just you know using the money without her consent no keep my name it's part of the brand okay look at that money why have I not done this before all right business startup oh my God I could get two businesses what's the most expensive thing I can afford because the adult toys business isn't doing so well if I got in when I wanted to it would have been great but I didn't oh Footwear is really in and that's an expensive business I can afford let's do that start my business it can be called foot fetish or us just to be like you know we really love feet we really really want to treat your feet well that's that's our core message you know we care all right foot fetisheros has been registered as a business what's my salary um a lot I deserve it it's a good way of funneling money around in a circle so that I'm getting the wife's money okay let's do a new product line we're gonna do sneakers for sneaking because I know crime that's the one demographic I'm zoning it on oh I like feral sneakers that it suggested to me what else have I got New York let's come back to feral consumers Choice King sneakers I think I'm gonna call them shits just so like oh you see those new shits out recently oh you got a pair of shits on nice I think it could I think it could work with the youth I just realized now the full sentence is gonna be like hey you get any shits from foot fetish our ass I'm gonna make 30 000 pairs because I think we can sell them and just keep in mind that's 60 000 shoes and look I have weird business crafts in my banner you know that I know what I'm doing because of that ignore this performance pair that's a zero percent oh no oh no we lost a lot of money it was a challenging you for the business look businesses lose money in their first year all the time it would be weird if I didn't if anything it would be a bad sign if I made money your business foot fetish arrows has gone bankrupt and been liquidated by the authorities I'm gonna blame everyone else just know what else working for me oh and she wants to buy a house now since when are you in control of your own money huh look for other houses in the meantime okay I still have enough to start a different business all right I just blew most of her money but I will make it back the Rest by going back to the original plan of opening a food truck and I'm gonna invest a good 700 000 in it of her money while I name it uh mother truckers all right as usual I get a lot more money than I should we're gonna serve five layer burritos even though I have no idea about food and uh we're gonna do a little market research okay demand isn't huge let's just go back there a little bit chicken parmesan everyone wants that okay that's a little bit better launch the product this is gonna make us Millionaires and of course this recipe comes from his stepfather specifically the sauce so I wanted to give him Credit in this and I'll call it Daddy's Special Sauce introduce product and let's see how it goes alright first year let's see oh my wife passed away rats at least it can't be me like she was killed in the tornado so I won't be blamed um but I'm I'm not going to the funeral just so we're all in the in in the no and I inherited 2.7 million dollars once again my business mind continues to amaze me we made a two percent profit on Daddy's Special Sauce great stuff business is going well we're gonna keep the existing plan for another year build golf over here send me an email telling the entire company what a fantastic boss you were given that it's a food truck that is probably just me and him you could have just told me in person bill but I'll give you a bonus because you're being nice to me granted it's a dollar so it's almost insulting but that's what you get he really appreciated it though okay this year we lost um 19 1000 that's a 484 percent loss God damn it okay we gotta reinvent ourselves we just had to get rid of 2990 servings of Daddy's Special Sauce you just discovered that your friend Joey he stayed at your house last night used your sex toy what why would you do that Joey I take all the daddy Special Sauce you want but not that that's disgusting I want to confront him just to ask him to buy him a new one okay how can I save Mother truckers because this business is everything to me adjust your fixed cost by changing your supplier okay this is all very confusing one second let me just take a bonus of 50 000 there just a click of a button and it's just mine ah so I do have another employee so Bill over here is telling Betsy who hates this place how great I am I'm gonna recognize her whatever that means do you want to give him some recognition yeah there you go wow what a boss I can see why I'm getting 50 000 bonuses what I got a valuation with my company and they valued at a 562 thousand dollars but it says available Capital 987 thousand dollars so just the burden of having my business I'd have to pay them so that they would buy it off me damn it nobody wants to buy my company mother truckers at 731 thousand dollars okay maybe it was just a bad year for Daddy's Special Sauce maybe we can go again or or maybe we could change supplier the quality would go up and the price would go down oh my God I'm so good at business sign a contract yes now we're back in the plus God I know what I'm doing don't I when it really comes down to it oh my God your product Daddy's Special Sauce is about to go viral after it's packed an intense debate on social media plan accordingly oh my God at a production plan screw 35 000 servings 105 000 servings now yes I am not sure but yes while on your lunch break you overhear your employee Lillian Monroe sobbing into her phone complaining about her negative bank balance that is so sad to see a worker just abandon their work get back to work one has made you his enemy after that somehow he was aware this was happening he's like you know what I'm not your friend anymore businessman limited all right hey chop because we are about to get a huge payday oh my God look at that it actually works just making the maximum amount possible was the key to success sure I had to write off like 5 000 servings but you know it was still a good call overall four percent of servings went you know I don't care I don't care about food wastage I care about money that's all I care about to prove them around some of your employees have asked you to take the team to a formal party just three of us it's gonna be really weird but yeah that sounds like fun I think it might be a good idea to have some stuff going on in the background like he should marry another really old rich person that that would be good he loves that here we go 90 years old what a strong age quickly Byron quickly it quickly we don't have much time sapphire rings should do it I'm spending like 10 grand on the ring it's an investment really you know businessman uh oh speaking of businessman you know we still made a decent amount of money I think looking at that it's just down a little bit we'll probably have to throw away a bit more this year yeah 13 000 servings okay yeah I probably should have edited it just a little bit wait Betsy over here is saying it'll be a miracle if I don't run this company into the ground listen you mother trucker you're getting a warning right here and now while I hang out with a group of friends your enemy one's wife my enemy like he's just declared himself my enemy what if I just said to you I'm your enemy now you don't get a choice like I didn't have any say in the matter I don't even know who one is well anyway gonna hook up with his wife see what happens don't use protection that'll show him my enemy oh I forgot about poor Molly she's 91 over here her heart couldn't take it maybe I should do it more no wait married first married first then break her heart she rejected it well that is upsetting okay the business is Plumping maybe I shouldn't have taken exponential growth as my strategy like doing nothing but just expecting everything to get better and better oh my God 32 percent of servings went unsold did I at least make a profit I did ah Daddy's special sauce has never let me down Bill Gulch has been receiving feedback with an open mind yeah and he he compliments me give him another bonus you know at this time Bill you deserve much better I'm doubling it oh hold on I can't seem to oh wait it's jumping the gun that's going right up to like 60 or 100 not too much you know what one again I'm sure you'll appreciate it yeah look at that he loves it aha she accepted the marriage proposal excellent another investment is paying off honestly he's a much better gold digger than he is a businessman you want a prenup yeah that's fine I'm gonna live here don't worry ew I've stepped children and they're like all older than me okay now that I've got like my corner of the business could I just change it so my my suppliers is super cheap instead no I can't find anyone who will produce it even cheaper okay I want another valuation what 923 000. I feel like that's low for the work we've put in here like does my four percent performance mean nothing to you what if I open a new truck in fact I should open loads of them like we're called mother truckers not mother truck now I have five trucks here we go annual payroll is now quarter of a million dollars that's just fine don't worry about it it's gonna be fine oh God okay I'm just gonna put nearly all of my money into production here please work please work please work I'm putting a lot of risk on this this one business move but you know what it's all about risks with businessman limited and sometimes they don't pay off sweet Jesus available Capital minus ten thousand no no blame everyone else it's not my fault you suspect your wife of cheating on you I can't afford two divorcers so just think nothing of it I gotta start a new business quick before she gets rid of me do I have anything to sell so I can open like a better business like maybe I could sell her home or something like that estimated value 1.9 million I'll just don't even ask her just try and sell it I got offered 1.8 million take the offer that's enough to open up
a little Brewery she's arguing just aren't you back shut up I said shut up I got an idea for another brilliant business oh I'm gonna open up a marijuana dispensary imagine her seeing that I took all of her money sold her home and started a business called 420 Blaze it LOL pick your product name it gave me the make a blunt and I'm kind of happy with that I'm just gonna introduce it all right let's see does it make money it made a little bit of money I got seven thousand dollars off a very risky move endless forecast that you could sell 68 percent more units at the current price well then I'm going to double triple our output your wife Molly wants divorce she's afraid you won't be able to keep your hand out of other girls cookie chairs no you're afraid that I'm gonna open more businesses I'm so tempted to attack you but I'm just gonna beg her to stay she decided to stay okay good I'm just not sure what will happen to the money and I need the money okay now we're talking my moves were the correct moves surprisingly the MC blunt is at a Smash Hit I could sell 38 more units yeah well you're always underneath what what it's reality so I'm putting way more into it I just take a random guess I may as well be throwing down to the dart board with figures on it Jim Bob Gomez is reading at work feckle you're fired we're not a laid-back business oh no I'm getting sued oh [ __ ] I didn't consider there might be consequences for my actions fight the lawsuit I'm not giving him 39 000. we're gonna get bugger and O'Donnell my dad maybe in to defend me oh I lost and uh now I have to pay his legal fees as well as my own okay and one wants me to take Adderall with him no way I just want to see how my business did God damn it look at that I just keep making more green and it makes me more green ten percent more units just [ __ ] all of them just make them all I finally found my business how do I like pump more money into this because this is going way too good open a new dispensary yeah another 50k per year that's fine oh my God they just valued my company at 3.7 million I'm gonna take this to the moon when I get it to 10 million then and only then am I going to sell oh that's not a good I don't like seeing that minus 45 wait you could sell 50 more unit what the hell who are these analysts are people money laundering with my business and I'm just not aware of this they want to go to an indoor trampoline park for 270 available Capital no look it's just too much I want you to have fun but that is too much money to spend I'm refusing oh my Ollie wants to divorce oh no what'll I do I'm independent from you now Molly get out of here oh oh no I need to settle she'll walk away with 1.4 million in assets
I lost the stepchildren at least oh my god I've lost so much money I mean we made a ton of money at least maybe I could just bonus my way out of this and we sold [ __ ] everything I might actually need another dispensary wait someone put my mug suspended in cherry jello sitting on my desk reprimand the culprit Oh I thought that said attack and I thought I attacked them and I got 25 years I'm just so used to being locked up okay I need a bonus of okay I need a higher bonus than that that's not gonna cut it where's my salary I need a salary very come on man I really need more money than that she took everything from me she took the kids God damn it and yeah I was quite happy about that but she took everything is what I'm saying I'm gonna start paying above average as well because I'm a really good boss I just want everything to stay afloat okay the police are cracking down on illegal marijuana so that should be good for me they'll have to buy it for me now instead I'm opening two new dispensaries and I'm going to put up production as high as we can because the no MC blunt is just doing amazing I'm amazed we haven't been sued as well though all right make as many as you can and let's have a fantastic year and sell this dumpster fire of a company before it goes belly up oh wait hold on no this is working this is going great oh no it's gonna drop by 22 because I have a big competitor oh no wait that's next year's competition is gonna decrease oh my God we are just flying aren't we and a doctor has offered me 6.5 million to buy my business blaze it LOL I mean I'm really tempted I know I said 10 million but that's a lot of zeros on the end there like four that's crazy you know what take the offer and we can do what he really wants to do we're in the adult toys industry go [ __ ] yourself is the name all right we're gonna make a cherry flavored edible underwear no other flavors we're just making this one why did the name automatically go to papa's edible underwear it's like there's some AI trying to figure me out from the previous products you know what yes introduce it okay we lost money that's all right I'm experienced businessman I know what I'm doing we're gonna up the units to the maximum and we'll just up the price and then when we make more money we'll make more edible underwear your enemy wand secretly replace the salt in your soul Shaker how is he getting in here second attack him I've had enough of him flick his hand there we go that did a lot more damage than I thought it was oh sweet Jesus oh God Papa's edible underwear is gonna destroy me okay I went bankrupt for some reason in the industry where I could have had stock upon stock upon stock I went with the only product that would expire oh you know what if I'm going out in Failure one has to as well I still have money but I'm just not standing for it I'm not sitting around letting him watch me fail look for a Hitman he used a bazooka excellent that's one less thing I have to worry about oh yeah I forgot to do anything about the the jaw oh wait they want me as a CEO excellent they're gonna give me two million dollars a year that's more than I ever made with my own businesses I had one successful business that all I did was say make more every year and it worked and they're like yes we got the best CEO out there all right what what's what's the job here what do I have to do I have to control their business excellent you have picked the right man for the job okay first thing make more oh wait you can't afford it okay make this many now that should have fixed everything I'd oh oh my God I just lost 106 million in one move they fired me immediately and sold the board I just made two million dollars became a famous CEO for all the wrong reasons I think I should write a book I write a book oh I was gonna call it falling upwards a commercial yeah take the money it's pocket change but it's fine my fame is going up from being commercials I'm credited as a business tycoon I'm have stumbled into this you want to make a big change by drastically altering the way you look shave off my eyebrows oh no my mother is hemorrhoids and my fame is dropping can someone let me write a book or something just anything just pity Fame anything at all maybe I could capitalize on this by opening a business and using the fame to carry it okay I'm opening a Coffee House Cafe I'm famous I guess in here I'm missing a few spaces there but that's okay we're gonna make americanos that are called just buy it for [ __ ] sake it or write to the point or customers love that I assume look at this making money hand over fist I know exactly what I'm doing it's all about exponential growth all right I thought that was a mistake before but now I actually see it's the way forward wait I got an offer to promote buttons on my YouTube account yeah I didn't even know I had one just accept it oh no my business is not going well it's not going well at all it says the market is in a downward spiral I'm gonna promote orange juice on my YouTube account just every dollar counts in this top economy you know oh my God a movie director wants to buy it okay because it's it's a famous thing you know he's like oh I'm famous yeah I'm famous so I'll buy that okay take it fast and run with the money you know I think I actually stumbled on the best business opportunity right at the beginning okay come on come on I need a 10. okay I'll Stand I lost everything and now I'm depressed I've lost all of my money why does it always go like this any uh famous business need a famous CEO out there or anything speak of the devil I didn't even read it but accept it what's my salary 1.1 million uh yes I deserve it okay make more that's 50 50 if this is gonna work they're gonna think I'm a genius if I pull it off while at a funeral a pornstar calls you with no good Thug what kind of life is he leading when we're not controlling him ow I called her a [ __ ] and then she popped my larynx call the police yeah that's right finally I'm not the one getting thrown in jail your mother passed away I made she was still living skip the funeral how did my business do oh [ __ ] I actually heard it money maybe I should have gone profit of 518 you know what my answer to that is more make more cars oh my God it's going up even more I'm actually doing this we need a mascot um stork the stork yeah that works I'm suffering from high blood pressure ignore is make money oh um no I said make money that wasn't sarcasm I got fired but I've done so much for this company and solved the board and walk away oh my god look how famous I am defecation issues I I don't care it doesn't bother me look how famous I am write a block write a book yes businessman's time averagely endowed being businessmen limited I think averagely in doubt that'll be an interesting book title I did not really make much of that but that's okay because I'm going on TV now no one wants to talk to me I'm being a photo shoot no one wants to take photos with me I'm going to go be in a commercial if no one wants to okay that's fine okay I did a how-to video and I earned 1 700 subscribers maybe this will actually work out his blood pressure is going down and everything oh my God another CEO opportunity just gonna take it and just do absolutely nothing I'm not even gonna respond to what they want I'm just like yeah keep everything the way it is that's fine oh no they took him to a horse race put two million on super Luna oh no this is a terrible idea come on red oh my God it might actually win it's what a horse this playthrough is completely blursed I just want 10 million off there why a happy noise oh cause of the money not because of Brendan or Donald passing away I'm gonna make a new book called businessmen limited a legend yeah it didn't sell well not surprised given it's an autobiography I'm getting all these medical things and I'm just not doing anything about it because that seems to be the best way to run this guy's life just kind of go with the flow your friend dick handy passed away I haven't spoken to him since we were like seven and all I did was kind of laugh at his name and that was it they finally fired me it took them long enough I was doing absolutely nothing just sitting there in my office being old and famous and I died he had way too good of a life considering what he did lovers 5 murders one career CEO of foot fetish arrows did you have to put that one on the tombstone what about the normal ones but I'm also going to retire so check out some more of my content here I hope you'll enjoy that and I hope to see you next time bye for now
2022-09-27 05:13
